November 1861

Dear Louise,

I know it may seem silly to write to myself, but I want the words in this letter to live on even when I am old and my hair has more than just a touch of gray and the memories of the best, and sometimes most difficult, times of my life have long since faded. This letter to myself, to be kept safe in my chest of hopes and dreams and memories, will make sure that, even with the passage of time, my recollection of these days will not fade away. I will one day look back on all this letter says and remember exactly what I was thinking and feeling when I wrote it. After all, the times they are a-changing...

It's been nearly a month since the Kid and I got married. Yep, we finally did it! In spite of all the chaos that's going on in the world around us, with the threat of war and all, we are so very happy together. Now that we are married, our love and desire is free to burn like an eternal flame. We are as one, and it's just like heaven. All I can think of when we're together is how sweet it is. I thank the Lord every day that I finally found someone that I'm meant to be with for the rest of my life.

Though Kid and I have been man and wife for almost a month now, it feels like only yesterday that we were standing together in the church, in front of all our friends and family--a family that has since gotten smaller--exchanging our vows of love to each other. I had promised to give him the best of my love, and he did the same.

I had felt so nervous before the wedding. I had been tossin' and turnin' all night. I didn't sleep a wink. But the moment I saw him standing there at the altar waiting for me, all the butterflies in my stomach vanished. I knew I was marrying the man of my dreams. I even remember thinking, "Oh, Kid. It's always been you--you're the one that I want. You have a heart of gold, and I love you just the way you are."

It was the most beautiful, most perfect wedding ceremony that I could have ever wished for. Teaspoon, who had been the only true father figure I'd ever had in my life, presided over the ceremony. Jimmy showed up in the nick of time to walk me down the aisle and give me away to Kid. When he did, any questions that I had in my mind about Jimmy's feelings for me were answered in his eyes and expression, which said so much more than words ever could. I knew Jimmy loved me, and probably always would, just as I'd love him, but he also knew when it was time to let it be. He knew that if you love somebody, set them free.

The ceremony was wonderful, but I think that night Kid and I spent together was the most beautiful experience of my life. When Kid and I got to the hotel room, we just held each other for a while and told each other all the things we felt so strongly in our hearts.

He told me that he had surely married the most beautiful girl in the world. Even as I write those words now, I can still feel the blush rising to my cheeks at the way it made me feel to hear Kid say it.

"I want nothing more than to be close to you. All I want is you," I told him.

And Kid said, all the sincerity and honesty in the world radiating from behind blue eyes, (eyes I love so much), "I'm so glad, after three tries, you finally said 'yes', because I couldn't imagine my life without you."

"When you look at me like that, I'm so lost in your eyes," I replied.

"All I wanna do is make love to you. I love you, Lou," he whispered.

"I love you, always, forever, Kid," I nearly cried.

Then he leaned in to kiss me. We started lovin', touchin', squeezin' each other, and it had never felt so good or so right.

Though we had made love before, that night it truly felt like it was for the first time. The world around us was gone.

Though my wedding day (and night) was one of the happiest of my life, it was not without its sorrows. I was riding high on my feelings after the ceremony when tragedy struck. I thought our wedding would be the time of my life, but it seemed that darkness and shadow had crept its way into our special day. Michael, a young boy I had known who had joined the army, rode back into town after fighting the guerillas that were attacking at the border and collapsed and died in front of my eyes. Only days later, it would be the dead body of my good friend and fellow rider, Noah, who I would see stretched out before me. I realized then that this was truly the end of the innocence.

War. The threat of war had hung on the horizon since our earliest days together in the Pony Express. Though it was a force that had managed split the nation in two, I knew that it would never tear us apart--Kid and I. It might be causing the members of our shrinking family to go their separate ways. I realized we might not see each other for the longest time, but some day we'll all be able to come together and be reunited after the end of the bloody war. This thought serves as a constant source of comfort to me. It helps to make sure that I don't stop believing in the overall goodness of humanity...that I need to have faith through these dark times that there are better days ahead for us all.

I know that in these times of hate and grief and despair, it is holding on to friends and family that keeps hope and love alive, even if that family is far apart. Maybe it's times like these where showing love and getting married is the most important. Maybe what the world needs now is love.

Yes, all you need is love, I remind myself. No matter what happens to our family--me, Kid, Jimmy, Buck, Rachel, Teaspoon, Jesse, and Cody--love will keep us alive. And that's something the Kid and I have plenty of.

Keeping the memories alive forever,

Louise

-The End-

Credits--The following song titles were used in this piece:

(Note: The artist who performed the song is listed with each song, not necessarily the songwriter.)