His sad eyes were fixed on the clear blue sky of the early morning as he sat motionless on the bunkhouse stairs. It was the same old story he thought dejectedly. Something good happened in life, and then came the change.
"Jimmy?" said the one young lady in the world that could ease him, from the bunkhouse door.
Jimmy jumped as if he'd been shot through the heart, "Lou! What're you doing up? You scared me."
"You woke me up actually. You were talking in your sleep all night," Lou said quietly, sitting down beside him, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Jimmy mumbled.
"Don't tell me lies Jimmy. What kind of fool do you think I am? It's right there, it's in your eyes. And you can't hide those lying eyes from me!"
"It doesn't matter," Jimmy mumbled.
"It matters to me!" Lou protested.
Jimmy shrugged and said, "The times, they are a-changing, Lou. The express is going to end, a war is going to start, you and Kid are getting married…it's all coming to an end, we're going down in a blaze of glory. And, well, I've got a good thing going here. I don't want to be on my own again."
Lou reached out and squeezed his hand, "Don't be stupid! You are not alone, Jimmy! You've got us! All of us!"
Jimmy shook his head, "You don't understand, Lou. I'm a Renegade, a Desperado. No matter who cares about me, I won't be able to outrun trouble. I'm gonna spend my whole life running against the wind and trying to find my place in this world. I don't belong anywhere, Lou."
"My God, Jimmy! You're much too young to feel this damn old already!" Lou exclaimed, "At this rate you're gonna be all out of love and hope in no time at all!"
Jimmy shook his head and sighed, "Lou, it's like wild horses are dragging me toward my destiny. The keeper of the stars already made my whole life out for me. I can't even remember what it is like to be young and innocent, anymore, Lou. I don't know if I ever was completely innocent even at the beginning. I been burning bridges so long, I don't think I'll ever dance into the light again. At this point in my life, I'm past the point of know return."
"My God, this is a poor attitude, Jimmy! You're bad company with all this talk!"
Jimmy shook his head and shrugged, "Try walking in my shoes for a little while Lou, my brown eyed girl, and see if you don't start seeing things the same way."
"Jimmy, You been a friend to me, and that is unforgettable! Do you think I'm gonna forget you when Kid and I get married? You've got a friend in me, forever and ever, amen! If you should stumble, then lean on me and I'll be there! Just cause me and Kid are married don't mean you and me and him are going to be living separate lives. I'll stand by you!"
Jimmy felt two teardrops roll down either side of his face and he shrugged, "I don't know what's wrong with me, Lou. Right now I feel like leaving is the only way out!"
"Jimmy! What do I have to do to make you feel my love? To feel all of our love! I know you think you need wide open spaces, but you're wrong!" Her cheeks flushed, and her eyes started to look crazy with her worry.
"Hey Louise!" Jimmy exclaimed, "Take it easy! I'm gonna be okay."
"Jimmy, it just kills me that because I'm going to the chapel of love and I'm going to get married that you feel like you don't belong anymore. Take a chance on me, stay and see that I'm right."
Jimmy sighed and reached up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. He shook his head, "You are amazing to me. If I ever lose my faith in you, I don't know what I'd do. But I'm still so confused Lou. Are you sure about all this? Can I trust you with my heart? Tell me to stay. Say it again."
Lou rolled her eyes, "If you don't know me by now, you will never, never, never know me Jimmy. Yes, count on me! Stay just a little bit longer in Rock Creek! You'll be glad! I cross my heart!"
Jimmy sighed. With her, he was shameless, but still he felt the red strokes of a blush creeping across his face, "I feel like a fool for talking like this…for letting you talk me out of my bad thoughts so easy. But I believe in Miracles Lou, and I believe in you."
Lou laughed, "Well, no one needs to know you're Mr. Blue. At least I didn't have to dance or walk like an Egyptian, just to see you smile."
Jimmy smiled too, "When I see you smile I just feel like everything's gonna be alright."
"That's what friends are for," Lou returned. She kissed his cheek and hugged him fiercely, "This kiss is for being sensible, like you almost never are."
"Lou, ain't you afraid of tommorow?" Jimmy sighed and finally got to the heart of the matter.
Lou shrugged, "What if tomorrow never comes, Jimmy? You can't really think about what might be, or what might've been for that matter."
"But Still, just say from this moment, on, you could know everything that would happen for the rest of your life. Would you want to know?"
Lou shrugged, "You know me Jimmy, I take my chances. I'm not saying that every now and then I wouldn't give in and want to know…but love is a battlefield, and it's all a gamble, a leap of faith. You got to risk losing everything to know what it is to really have something. I'm the gambler of the heart, I guess."
"Kinda cuts both ways," Jimmy observed, "It's a wonderful thing to have, but on the other hand what if you lose the person you love? What becomes of the broken hearted?"
Lou shrugged, "That's just it. Once you've loved somebody, I mean really loved them, you don't ever stop. For example, because of the love you gave to me, I'll just keep on loving you. And anytime you have an instance when a man loves a woman it's the same. Have you really ever loved a woman Jimmy?"
Jimmy looked away, "I thought so." Wrong again he thought sadly.
Lou shook her head, "It ain't no thinking thing, Jimmy. You just know it when love finds you."
Jimmy shrugged, "maybe someday it'll happen. And I'll say 'I feel lucky' today, and then I'll find the most beautiful girl in the world," he grinned and nudged her, "not counting you, of course."
Lou giggled, "Oh Jimmy, hush! You are just the sweetest thing!"
Jimmy smiled, "Well, I can't help it. You are the sunshine of my life, Louie, Louie!"
Lou laughed, "Where did you get that name?"
He laughed, "I don't know. I think I'm going out of my head!"
Lou nodded, "Well, we agree on something. Are you feeling better?"
Jimmy shrugged, "I'm still a little down. But whatever happens Lou, I just want you to know I've had the time of my life. With you and Kid and the others in my life, I know I will survive whatever fate throws at me."
Lou smiled, "You've got that right. This is the time to remember, Jimmy. We've already gone against all odds and come out fine. I think we'll get through our lives, because time after time we'll turn to each other for help."
Jimmy slung his arm over Lou's shoulder and smiled, "Well, I'm sure glad that I've got you, babe."
"Friends are friends forever," Lou nodded in agreement, then stretching she turned and reached her hand down to him, "Want to go inside and get some breakfast?"
Jimmy shook his head, "I'll be along in a minute."
Lou nodded and kissed the top of his head, "My friend, you have one honest heart. You're a good man."
Jimmy waved a hand in the air, "Ah, you're a good girl, Lou. Go get breakfast."
Jimmy watched as she closed the bunkhouse door behind her. He covered his face. Love has no pride, he thought as he shamelessly wept into his hands. The tracks of my tears prove that, he thought.
The express was ending. Everything he cared about was quickly turning into dust in the wind. Everything was left to chance, but he was certain of one thing.
"I will always love you" he said aloud, looking in the direction Lou had gone.
Some things are meant to be, he realized. But he and Lou were not, nor ever would be. He'd come along for her one promise too late.
He sighed and stood up to go inside. He caught of glimpse of her through the window. "You look so good in love, Lou. But I got a feeling I can't live with or without you." His gaze shifted to Kid, "Take good care of her" he warned his best friend.
He tried to tell himself he would be fine without her, that he didn't need anyone. But, he realized the heart won't lie.
He knew nothing could stop Kid and Lou from a life together. They would go on with the wedding come hell or high water. And he would go on his way too. Alone.
"Goodbye, Jimmy, Goodbye," he murmured softly as he gave himself to Wild Bill forever.
The End
Songs used: Heart of the Matter by Don Henley; Clear Blue Sky by George Straight; Same Old Story and The Change by Garth Brooks; Lady by Kenny Rogers, Talking in your Sleep by The Romantics, Don't Tell Me Lies by Breathe, What Kind of Fool Do you Think I am by Leroy Parnell, It's in Your Eyes by Phil Collins, Lying Eyes by the Eagles, It Matters To Me by Faith Hill, The Times, They are A-changing by Phil Collins, Blaze of Glory by Bon Jovi, I've Got a Good Thing Going by Garth Brooks, On My Own from Les Miserables, Don't be Stupid by Shania Twain, You are Not Alone by Michael Jackson, Renegade by Tim McGraw, Desperado by The Eagles, Against the Wind by Bob Seger, Place in this World by Michael W. Smith, Much Too Young to Feel this Damn Old by Garth, All Out of Love by Air Supply, Wild Horses by Garth, Keeper of the Stars by Bryan White, Young and Innocent by Elefante, Burning Bridges by Garth, Dance Into the Light by Phil Collins, At This Point in my Life by Tracy Chapman, The Point of No Return by Kansas, Bad Company by Bad Company, Walking in My Shoes by Depeche Mode, Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison, You Been A Friend to Me by Garth, Unforgettable by Nat King Cole, You've Got a Friend by James Taylor, Lean on Me by Club Noveau, I'll Be There by Mariah Carey, Two Teardrops by Steve Warner, Leaving Is The Only way Out by Garth, To Make You Feel My Love by Garth, Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chics, Crazy by Patsy Cline, Hey Louise by Neil Diamond, Take It Easy by the Eagles, Going to the Chapel by The Dixie Cups, Take a Chance On Me by Abba, If I Ever Lose My Faith In you by Sting, Can I trust you with my heart by George Straight, Count On Me by Whitney Houston and Ce Ce Williams, Stay by Lisa Loeb, I Cross My Heart by George Straight, Shameless by Garth Brooks, I believe In Miracles by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey, I Believe by R. Kelley, No One Needs To Know by Shania Twain, Mr. Blue by Garth, Walk Like an Egyptian by The Bangles, Just To See You Smile by Tim McGraw, When I See You Smile by Bad English, Everything's Gonna to Be Alright by Chubby Checker, That's what Friends are For by Dionne Warwick, This Kiss by Faith Hill, Tomorrow from Annie, If Tomorrow Never Comes by Garth, What Might've Been by Little Texas, From This Moment by Shania Twain, I Take My Chances by Mary Chapin Carpenter, Every Now and Then by Garth, Love Is A Battlefield by Pat Benetar, The Gambler by Kenny Rogers, Cuts Both Ways by Gloria Estefon, On the Other Hand by Randy Travis. What Becomes of The Broken Hearted by Whitney Houston, Once You've Loved Somebody by The Dixie Chics, The Love You Gave To Me by Tanya Tucker, Keep On Loving You by REO Speedwagon, When A Man Loves A Woman by Percy Sledge, Have you ever really loved a woman by Bryan Adams, Wrong Again by Martina McBride, It ain't no thinking thing by , When Love Finds You by Vince Gill,I feel Lucky by Mary Chapin Carpenter, The Most Beautiful Girl in the World by Frank Sinatra, Not Counting You by Garth, The Sweetest Thing by U2, You are The Sunshine of My Life by Stevie WOnder, Louie, Louie by The Kingsmen, Going Out of My Head by Little Anthony and the Imperials, I've Had The Time Of My Life from Dirty Dancing, In My Life by The Beatles, I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor, This is the time by Billy Joel, Time after Time by Cindy Lauper, I've Got You Babe by Sonny and Cher, Friends are Friends Forever by Michael W. Smith, One Honest Heart by Reba MacEntyre, Love Has No Pride and Tracks of My Tears by Linda Ronstat, Dust In The Wind by Kansas, I Will Always Love you by Whitney Houston, You look So good in love by Doug Stone, One Promise Too Late by Reba, With or Without You by U2, The Heart Won't Lie by Vince Gill and Reba.
And a few others I added in while proofing: Anymore by Travis Tritt, At the Beginning by Richard Marx and Donna Lewis, Sad Eyes by Robert John, The Red Strokes by Garth Brooks, But Still from Miss Saigon, Goodbye Jimmy Goodbye by Kathy Linden, Go On with the Wedding by Patti Page, Alone by The Four Seasons, If You Don't Know Me By Now by Harold Melvin, Take Good Care of Her by Adam Wade
Thanks to Kirst and Lisa for helping find these artists, since I had no clue for half of them!
