A Teaspoon of Advice: “When you start looking at things from someone else’s perspective, well now, that’s what I call growing up.”

Kid spent most of 1862 traveling with Jefferson Davis, who was surveying battlefields and discussing war plans with the generals for the South. Davis valued his dark bodyguard; Kid was of strong character and sturdy knowledge. The two men respected one another and an unusual, but quiet friendship had formed between them.

During this current year of service, Kid ached at the silence from Sweetwater. He realized that Lou was probably angry with him, but he was shocked that her anger was so strong that she wouldn’t write him. He had sent several letters, unaware they were intercepted and disposed of before ever leaving the capital of Richmond. What Kid was aware of was the deep and abiding pain at Lou’s soundless stand.

Lou’s silence had caused him to experience a wide array of emotions. At first, Kid assured himself that she was writing, but the war had somehow kept him from receiving the posts. Next, Kid actually felt anger that she would punish him this way for leaving her. At one point, Kid even began making bargains with God; ‘if only she’d write,’ Kid thought, ‘I’ll start praying even more.’ Finally, after a year of denial, anger and bargaining, Kid accepted the fact that he probably didn’t deserve Lou’s letters.

He had left, barely two months after their wedding. The betrayal in her brown eyes continued to haunt him. He remembered the vows that they had exchanged and wondered how well he had actually kept them.

Kid now served the South like a machine, only wanting his duty done so that he could return to his wife’s side. The only bright spot in his life was his association with a man as noble and wise as Jefferson Davis, but even that far paled in comparison to his love for Lou. Kid had taken an oath to serve as Davis’ body guard faithfully during the course of the war; sometimes that oath was all that kept Kid in Virginia and the South.

Often taking him onto the battlefield toward the end of the fighting was Davis’ keen interest in knowing exactly what was going on. Therefore, one of Kid’s jobs was to scout ahead for Davis’ safety when the Confederate president wished to visit a specific battle site. Kid slept many a night on a cold, unforgiving ground, but the ground could be no more unforgiving than Kid himself. Self-doubt and scorn began to eat at Kid’s insides; the guilt of leaving Lou tortured him.

Kid had always tried to make the most moral and upright choices, but found himself paying the price for his biggest wrong choice - leaving Lou. On those nights alone, Kid would pray, sometimes for hours, to the God his mother had told him about. Apparently those prayers were being heard because Kid would finally relax enough to sleep without tortured thoughts of Lou.

Jimmy walked over to the kitchen window. The weather was unusually warm on this autumn November day and Rachel had made a pitcher of lemonade. Under the shade of a tree just outside the window sat Lou on a wide blanket. In front of Lou, staring into the leaves moving in the soft breeze above her, was Emma. Lou was reading a book to the five-month old girl and Emma was listening to every word.

Lou’s hair was much longer now than when Jimmy had arrived nearly a year ago. And having a child had filled out Lou’s figure. Still a petite woman, Lou now had more curves, but her truest beauty was in the soft smile on her lips as she gazed down at her child. Emma had dark, wavy brown hair and her eyes were a startling blue. Even Jimmy sometimes caught his breath at how much Emma Jane looked like her father, but the thought warmed his heart. Jimmy was glad that Lou would always have a tangible part of Kid, her husband she had loved so much. Jimmy watched them both from the window with an ache in his chest. The ache seemed to grow stronger every day.

By now, Jimmy was a permanent resident at the Sweetwater homestead. He had made a home in the old bunkhouse with a little rearranging and Teaspoon’s help and no one found it odd that he had remained.

“I’m just wondering Jimmy, are you ever gonna tell her?”

Jimmy was startled at the interruption though Rachel had spoken the words quietly.

“What?” Jimmy looked at her blankly.

“When you gonna tell Lou that you love her?” repeated Rachel.

“She knows I love her,” replied Jimmy, shrugging.

“What she knows is you love her like a brother - the rest she ain’t figured out yet.”

Jimmy’s attention, pulled away from his two favorite ladies outside, turned completely to Rachel. He eyed her thoughtfully.

“Am I that obvious these days?” he asked, deciding against pretending Rachel wasn’t right.

“Jimmy my boy, it’s been ‘obvious’ to me since you rode in last Christmas. Truth be told, I suspected before she ever married Kid,” explained Rachel.

Startled again, Jimmy eyed her warily. “She loves Kid.”

“Kid’s dead,” sighed Rachel, “and you two ain’t. You think Lou won’t ever marry again? I’m telling you, some man’s gonna see what a great woman she is and she’ll be gone from under your nose again if you ain’t careful.”

Jimmy stared back out the window a moment, considering Rachel’s words. “I didn’t want to rush her,” he explained.

Laughing, Rachel patted Jimmy’s back in comfort. “Jimmy, it’s been long enough. She’ll always love Kid, but she has a big enough heart to love you too. She’s moved on from her grieving.”

Sighing, Jimmy looked alternately out the window at Lou and back at Rachel. “How do I tell her?”

“Why Jimmy Hickok, you really need me to tell you that?”

Jimmy looked sheepish. “Hell, I’ve been courting her for months and she ain’t realized it, but I sure don’t want to blurt it out and ruin it.”

“Oh my,” breathed Rachel. “You got it worse than I thought.”

Jimmy just smiled in reply. The two turned to watch out the window. Emma had rolled onto her tummy and had pulled her knees up underneath her. Leaning on her arms, bottom in the air, Emma rocked back in forth, her current effort to crawl. Lou’s face glowed as she laughed at her daughter’s attempts. Jimmy and Rachel began laughing and, turning away from the window, they moved outside to see Emma’s antics better.

Lou smiled up at the two of them before looking back at Emma. Getting frustrated, Emma began making earnest sounds of displeasure.

“Come here you,” laughed Rachel, scooping the child up into her arms. Emma giggled and Jimmy cupped his large palm over her soft downy hair a moment.

Lou stood and began shaking the blanket out. Jimmy moved to help her fold it.

“As beautiful as today is, why don’t you two go for a walk, or fishing or something,” urged Rachel.

Lou looked at Jimmy to see if he was interested. He nodded. “You don’t mind…,” Lou began.

I don’t mind watching Emma one bit,” grinned Rachel. “Now scoot you two.”

Lou grinned over at Jimmy. “I’ll go fix a picnic lunch and we’ll fish - how does that sound?”

Sounds nice,” responded Jimmy. “I’ll saddle our horses and get some cane poles.”

Less than an hour later, the two rode away from the homestead. The day was indeed beautiful, the sky a clear blue and the soft wind tasted like autumn.

“You know, when Rachel told us to scoot, I felt like a kid working for the Pony Express again,” laughed Lou.

“Yep, she and Teaspoon just have a way of doing that to us with only a couple of words,” agreed Jimmy.

Lou sighed, but it was a contented sigh as she looked at the land around them. They rode in companionable silence to the creek. Reaching their destination, Jimmy jumped off the horse, taking the fishing poles and bag of food while Lou dismounted and untied her skirts. Lou hadn’t begun wearing pants again, but she was quick to tie her skirt up a bit for riding. Jimmy found the habit intriguing, but had always refrained from comment.

“Wanna eat or fish first?” asked Lou.

“How ‘bout fish while we eat?”

“Sounds good,” replied Lou, as she began spreading a blanket near the creek. Jimmy watched her economical moves as he readied the fishing poles. Lou was so practical and yet so feminine; she was at once shy and aggressive, amiable and hot-tempered, amusing and yet serious. Lou was a fascinating woman and he loved her to distraction.

Jimmy folded himself onto the blanket near her, watching her empty the saddlebag full of food. As Lou handed him a sandwich, he grinned.

Lou nodded, “Yep, it’s cheese.” Laughing, Jimmy took it from her hand.

“You know me so well.”

“That I do,” Lou replied, smirking.

The two ate, watching their poles for naught, silent again. Often, they sat like this…on the porch, in town, in the buckboard…both quiet, but comfortable with one another. Today, Jimmy couldn’t enjoy the silence for the pounding in his ears. When he confessed his feelings to Lou today, his life would either become more joyous than he had ever imagined or despairingly lonely.

“Want more to eat?” Lou interrupted his thoughts.

Shaking his head no, Jimmy moved the cane poles to a better position. “Thanks though.”

Lou just smiled in answer and watched the water. They sat close together, but not touching and Jimmy hazarded a glance her way several times. Lou was near enough though, that Jimmy could take a deep breath and inhale her scent - she smelled of Emma and outdoors and well, of Lou. So lost in thought, Jimmy didn’t see her occasional glance. Lou knew something was odd, but she wasn’t sure what.

Maybe it was hours later or maybe only minutes, but they both finally looked at one another at the same moment. Their eyes locked and both held their breath. Both let out the air pent up in their lungs at the same time, making a sighing sound as their breaths lingered in the air between them. Jimmy couldn’t believe it - he was more nervous now than he’d ever been in a gunfight; he searched his brain for the words that he wanted -- no, that he needed -- to say. Meanwhile, Lou searched his eyes, questioning Jimmy’s thoughts, his motives, his heart.

Suddenly and unconsciously, Lou clenched her hands in her lap and licked her bottom lip. In that moment, Jimmy’s ardor took over any words he might have said. In one quick move, he gathered Lou into his arms, drawing her nearer to him. She didn’t protest, but instead moved toward him easily. His mouth lowered and he took her lips with his own. Trembling, he softly crushed his warm mouth against hers, his hands splayed around her waist. When he felt her tongue tentatively sneak out, touching his lips, Jimmy groaned aloud. He captured her mouth in a deeper kiss, his tongue tracing her lips, delving into her mouth. The heat between them rose by infinite degrees as their desire for one another increased. With great reluctance, Jimmy ended the kiss, pulling back just slightly, his hands still around Lou’s waist. Her lips were swollen from their lengthy and deep kiss and she looked more beautiful than he’d ever seen her.

Lou giggled awkwardly as she cupped her hands over her face, embarrassed at her response to him, but unable to deny the intensity they had just shared. Lou knew she loved Jimmy, but having convinced herself that Jimmy only thought of her as a sister, Lou didn’t know what to make of the kiss.

“Lou, you okay?” asked Jimmy, concerned.

Lou nodded her head, peeking out from behind her fingers. Seeing Jimmy’s face so near hers, she slowly lowered her hands. Lou cleared her throat, trying to look proper and failing. She relished the feel of Jimmy’s strong hands around her middle.

“I’m okay, how are you?” Lou finally replied.

With that, Jimmy laughed with gusto. “Well, I’m feeling mighty good right now actually.” Lou continued to stare, wondering what all of this meant. Her question must have been apparent on her face because Jimmy moved a hand to cup her cheek. “We need to talk,” he said softly.

A nod was all Lou could manage, her voice lost again at his nearness.

“Lou,” began Jimmy. There was a long pause; she watched him expectantly. Jimmy tried again. “Lou, I love you.”

“Why Jimmy,” sighed Lou in a simpering voice. “Are you sure?”

Jimmy just looked at her, until he realized she was teasing him. “Lou, I mean it.”

Lou turned serious and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “I was hoping you might,” she admitted. Jimmy continued to watch her, willing her to say more. “You know, at first I felt so guilty for loving you, but just when I got past that, I started worrying you’d never love me too.”

Jimmy’s eyes lit up like she’d never seen before. “You better mean that,” Jimmy said, afraid to believe her, but unable to contain the joy that she meant every word.

“I mean it Jimmy; I love you too,” confessed Lou simply. “I knew the night you delivered Emma -- that I was in love with you.”

Not yet ready to admit that his feelings had begun long before, Jimmy leaned in to kiss her again. This time, the kiss was soft, his passion in check for the moment. Recognizing he was about to lose that control, Jimmy pulled back.

He pulled Lou up to standing and she rose beside him. Jimmy reached down to kiss her cheek just before he moved to one knee in front of her. Taking her hand, he kissed the back of it. Jimmy then turned it over and kissed her palm. Lou felt her heart melt more at his tenderness.

“Louise, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” he asked, looking up at her.

Lou nodded, speechless at Jimmy’s actions. Jimmy then pulled Lou down beside him, both of them reclining on the blanket. “You just made me the happiest man on earth.”

Lou’s throat convulsed as she swallowed, emotion overcoming her. Tears welled up in her eyes. “I never thought I’d feel this way about a man again,” she admitted.

Jimmy held her close, rocking her gently. “Do you know why I proposed like that?”

Lou shook her head against her chest.

“Because Kid got down on one knee and I never want you thinking I wouldn’t humble myself before you like he did. You deserve that kind of proposal…from him and me,” Jimmy explained.

Lou looked up at him, eyes wide. “I’d never compare the two of you.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. Kid loved you dearly and so do I. Just ‘cause you’ve been married before don’t mean you don’t deserve the same respect and fancy declarations as before.”

Lou’s eyes filled with tears, but not of tears of sadness. “Jimmy Hickok, I love you.”

“I love you too Lou.”

They began to discuss their pasts, and especially their shared past with the Kid. They had both, on their own, worked through any lingering guilt that their feelings for the other had produced. Both accepted that Kid was dead, his best friend and her husband; since they had been blessed enough to discover love with each other, both felt sure Kid would bless their new relationship.

Lou knew Jimmy loved Emma as if she were his own daughter. He even desired that Emma take his name as well after the wedding. The rest of the afternoon was spent talking, loving and planning a wedding. Just like he’d vowed a year before across the kitchen table, Jimmy would always be there for Lou. On December 25, 1862, Jimmy made Lou his wife.

On to Chapter Six

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