EDITORIAL: IT'S IN THE DENIM AND LEATHER
By Brian Coles
Editor and Carnivore.
8/11/00
There are a few things in this world that bother me so much as to make me write about it. Oh sure, I know what you're thinkin', "Why in the name of processed chicken are you an editor then A**HOLE!!!???"
Well, the answer lies in the stone cold fact that our treasured music needs all the help it can get nowadays, so I try and do my measly part. I have had a coupe of women ask me about my measly part and I clarified, in the loudest capacity these allergic lungs could muster, that THAT is not the part I am referring too. I am quite pleased with that part. Actually, I hold my own down there very well (oh criminy, that didn't come out right did it....)
Anywho, I am sick as a dog hearing about the "new metal" bands like Rorschast Test, Static X etc. It seems to have alluded the public that these bands ARE NOT METAL!!! RT is an industrial, techno band. Period. Static X etc. are just, well, crap.
I have tried very hard to explain, blue faced why these bands aren't metal. And they ain't hard rock either! After years of trying in vain, I came up with this unique and VERY simple method of clarifying the issue. Read and enjoy:
STEPPENWOLF (1968): Jeans, leather, real instruments played by real people
SABBATH (1970): Jeans, leather, real instruments played by real people
DEEP PURPLE (1972): Jeans (a bit of leather..maybe), real instruments played by real people
AEROSMITH (1975): Jean, leather, real instruments played by real people
TED NUGENT (1977): Loin cloth (leather), jeans (when backstage) and a very real instrument played by a real person...and guns
JUDAS PRIEST (1979): Leather, leather, leather and real instruments played by real people
AC/DC (1980): Jeans, jeans, Malcom's blue shirt and real instruments played by really short people.
MOTORHEAD (1982): Jean, Leather and a really huge pair of moles that could kick your ass...plus real people who played real instruments.
METALLICA (1983): Jeans, leather and Cliff Burton....and real instruments played by real people.
GUNS 'N' ROSES (1988): Jeans, leather and real instruments played by real drunks.
JACKYL (1993): Jeans, guns and chainsaws played by real people.
ICED EARTH (1998): Jeans, leather and a Gold album in Greece....with real instruments played by real people...
And then we have...
****KORN, LIMP BIZKIT and friends (2000): Addidas, sports gear, pants around their ankles, computer hardware freeze ups and fake music played by fake people...who are worshipped by Carson Daly....
****GOT IT? It ain't metal. It ain't hard rock. 30 years can't be wrong. Now go tell your friends you learned something today.
