*******************************************************************************
I think the reason we find our children as adults is because when we surrender
them they tear a hole in our hearts. The hole gets bigger every year until you
need a really big child to fill the hole.
*******************************************************************************
When does this get better, because tonight it just doesn't feel like it
ever will. I don't even know what is wrong except that I miss my son so
much it is all I can do not to drive to his house and camp out on his
porch
or something until he gets home. I am still having such a hard time with
this somedays seem to last forever. I feel just as I did when I had to
leave him at the hospital 25 years ago. Damn this is hard. I am so tired
of people telling me how happy i should be to have my own son back in my
life, they just don't quite get it.
****************************************************************************
Guess i have been lucky since the start... he has told me he loved me from
the moment we started talking. Its been easy talking to him, i am blessed.
**********************************************************************
the pain that some birthmothers still feel years after relinquishment is palpable;
the isolation and shame that many felt while living in a time where being an
unwed mother was a disgrace; the lack of support from family and
friends; and the lies they were told about how easily they would be able to
get on with their lives.
************************************************************************
The pain associated with the last 26 ½ years doesn't just go away.
I still remember every day without him and what it feels like to live with that kind of pain.
As I look back over the years what I price I had to pay for falling in love so young,
giving my body to someone I loved and thought loved me to.
I'll always wonder why it had to be me, why I had to be the one to give away my son.
Even though I didn't raise him my feelings for him are just as deep as with my three other children,
I would do for him anything that I would for them. All my children are special to me.
****************************************************************************
Seldom do other people recognize the dilemma we as birthmothers, were put
in when we relinquished (some unwillingly) our children. We know this but
still hope that some people will at least have a little empathy. I have
found this to be true also, people are still SO JUDGEMENTAL where we are
concerned. All you can do IS NOT ACCEPT THIS! Sometimes we have to get
our backs up to defend the feelings we have, and feelings ARE JUSTIFIED!
Just confide in the ones who will be supportive of you and your reunion, and
just
know the others are ignorant!
*****************************************************************************
"there is always a reason - we do not know
why"
*****************************************************************************
My son was born in 1971. Like all it was not my choice. I am a firm
believer and have always believed for everything "there is a reason" and
this
A mother's unconditional love for her child never dies
***************************************************************************
I really agree with this. We do suffer a lifetime. That experience shaped
who I am today and has affected many parts of my life. And, yes, the child
has to suffer.....but who told us that back in 1966???? "Honey, you'll just
forget all about this and your baby will be better off." HA....!!! We were
so manipulated and so misled and the saddest part is that we didn't even
know. At least I didn't. I was too scared and in shock the whole time that
I just did what they said...blindly just trying to put one foot in front of
the other.
**************************************************************************
<< reunion and I am trying to focus on that, but I feel very guilty
sometimes for not realizing years ago how he might feel about losing me. I knew
how I felt about losing him. When I first saw him and looked in his eyes I
knew how much he had also missed me. That still hurts
"sandi"
****************************************************************************
I will never ever hurt you, my door will always be open to you I've lived with enough pain,
heartache and tears for the both of us throughout the years. I always have and will always love you.
Every moment I spend with you is a treasure. You will always hold a very special place in my heart.
A mother's unconditional love for her child never dies.
*****************************************************************************************
He walked me to my van, that's when I finally got to hold him in my arms once again,
we stood on the street just holding each other. Oh my god what a feeling a feeling
I can't even describe there is no word to describe that feeling it was just so wonderful.
It was like I was giving birth to him all over again, holding him for the first time.
Our first meeting on 3/7/98 is engraved in my heart & soul forever.
*******************************************************************************************
Our loss makes us unique in our experience
but alike in our quest to reconnect and heal. Life is a like a tapestry
and ours is a little more colorful than ordinary peoples. Love to you
all, "Linda MN"
************************************************************
