My poetry

Should I say how I feel? This hatred, this pain, all this fuckin’ shit you’ve heard before.

But you don’t care and you won’t care until I die by my own hand

Is that your plan? To push me over the edge? Oh I’ve tried but not hard enough

I’ve died in spirit, in hope, in innocence; I can’t regain all that I’ve lost.

But it’s my fault right? I don’t have any friends. I’m never loving and caring or supportive. I never look right or act right or feel right.

I’m no fucking good. I’m dirt on the bottom of your shoes, You’ll use me until you’re done with me and then you’ll slither out of my life.

But it’s my fault right? I try to act tough and to be strong. I try not to trust but damnit I don’t know what to do or feel or think.

I love you and yet I despise you. I despise myself even more. I know that I’m not perfect but who is. No one.

We’ll never have a perfect family, or live a perfect life. We’ll never have a perfect house, I’ll never be a perfect wife.

It’s my pessimism shining through, My dark cloud shadowing the world.

You don’t know me, you don’t own me, you don’t owe me a damn thing.

But it’s my fault right? That we have all of these fights? That we can’t sleep at night? And somehow despite all of this, we’re still together.

I know that we’ll make it. Don’t be discouraged. I love you.

But it’s my fault right?

I hate myself, I’m so fucking dumb, I never give, Just take and run.

And then I’m lost, and now I’ve found, that time moves on, I’m Hades bound.

Fuck me. Fuck life. Fuck you. Fuck your God (or god as it may be)

I believe, I might believe, I did believe, I can’t believe Everything happens for a reason, but never what’s supposed to or how it’s supposed to or when it’s supposed to.

And why? I’m never satisfied, but no one’s to blame. What does it matter? Nothing matters.

FUCK EVERYTHING!!!

I've drained the life out of this shell. It's tattered and torn and ready for hell. It's served its time and done its part, from crooked toe to wretched heart. Let me be still and rest awhile before I'm covered, buried and defiled, devoured by death surrounded by night, cast in the afterglow of the moon's eerie light. Enough away, or come out and play, March down to the glistening sea. We'll sing a song and skip along. Come and die with me. * * *

You can't take away, what I never had, Why do you make my world so sad?

Delirium, oblivion, delightful lulabies

Jezebell now rots in hell, your tainted echo cries.

So alone, don't condone, because it's not the same

Can not stand, upon this land, where evil shaped the name.

Whispered words fly with the birds, and fall in misery.

Only hate, can celebrate limbs cut off the tree.

1,2, the world turns blue, where it once was red.

3,4 they fall to the floor, the sinners all are dead. * * *

Give the dolly back to Molly for she wants it so. And if you give Molly back her dolly than to you she'll go. Let her stay and let her play and dance upon your tomb. And when she strays to other ways then she'll be leaving soon. * * *

I hate life. This cruel and uncaring world, this hateful shameless town, that condems this girl.

I hate the quiet gossip, the laughter and the cries, the fake resentful people, the echoing goodbyes.

I hate myself, and how I take the pain, the way I can't control emotions, I know I'll lose again.

I hate everything, and everyone who doesn't care, the people with their stupid grins, the people with their perfect hair.

I hate you, but mostly I hate me, and together we make this world, a hellish place to be. * * *

Draw me towards the light, You shimmer and you shine, You irredesent beauty Drugs me like the wine. My madness seems to be taking over, My darkness claims to have won. I lost my way years ago, The night now suppresses the sun. Maybe you're my savior, My anchor to this life. You drown me with your sanity, And wash away my strife. So leave me not just yet, Stay but for a little while, I've grown too fond to be forgotten, I've lived too long in utter denial.

Scream, shatter, break. You never give you only take. And what you take is all I have. I sit and cry you sit and laugh. Why not just let me be? And end this stupid misery? This misery I live for you and nothing is what I can do. One more year to live, there is just one more to give. And I’ll give until I break all you want’s my life to take. So take it and be done with me.

You can’t see past your hate. Your stupid lies shall be your fate. Pretend to be the caring hand, that never slaps, can’t understand. Why a child would turn so bad, why she would act as if she’s sad. Pray to your God to hold you dear, to strike her down not let her near. Fall unto your knees at night, that He shall send her out of sight. And as you do where shall she be? Sitting at home so happily? You do not know or care to know, the reason why she wants to go. You only see the hate inside, your fear and insolence makes you hide. Pushing her further and further away, giving more reasons why she can’t stay. * * *

No more tears to shed, no more to fall upon this filthy bed, Dirtied with the sins of her youth, Fearing the worst by seeking the truth. Angel of mercy fall down and pray, I’m not a god, but today’s the day. Deliver her and hold her dear, this fragile love, her end is near, Kiss her and hold her tight, Tonight shall be her only night. And in the morning let it be said, all of her faith shall then be dead.

Lightening struck the black night, exposing what hid from the light. I never saw it now I know, the ruby’s stolen the diamond’s show. Cat ran away with a rotten past, but I laughed being sure it will never last.

Keep on denying, I’m finished trying, to tell you that you’ll never belong. Hey now, look around, pick yourself up off the ground, you’ve been down there way too long. Locked doors and deep regret, you long to remember but quickly forget, you’re playing their game and you’ll lose.

Locked behind a hidden door, you left me there and said no more. I tried to scream you don’t belong. You laughed so hard I cried so long. You had a choice of path 1 2 or 3 and chose to pick the farthest from me. And so I was and so you were two beings destroyed, two hearts murdered.

Scribble melodious vows of nothing. Warped words, idiotic cries, Sugar coated poisoned hellos dissolve into echoing good byes. Hollow fragile broken glass, Shattered by the haunting view. A game to call this queen a whore, A king succumbs to the black and blue. And down the tainted stairs of blood, crawling to the death of life, Struggling to reach the key, following the path of strife. Count down, the clock surrenders, The laughter chills, the violence’s demise, Seeps syllable by syllable, To start again the whispered lies. The circle seems too strong to be broken.

Trapped in a cage of insanity, Once inhaling the fume.

Closed from all sympathy, like a bride without her groom.

As I look, I can see, part of what you see in me. And I think, I might know, the reason why you’ll want to go.

Never leave me, but do not stay. Shadows of mischief dance on their prey. Razor, poisoning me, Depleting me until I am fulfilled. My Lord of the Night gracefully strides into character, caressing with words bedeviled to lead me to damnation.

Fighting for freedom the rain runs from the clouds. It foolishly runs to the river where it’s swept into a sea of conformity, only to be a slave once again.

Savior, you are as messed up as me. Living on a one way street. My knight, your armor is tarnished, stained with your bitter emotions you cover up with a smile and a glance. Save this maiden before I’m enslaved to the dragon we call fear. Shield me from the world and I will give you my heart. * * *

Take turns, Turning the page singing the song, and while I’m humming along, Dear cupid is painted blind, an illusion of the mind. Fate died on a falling star, no matter who you are, the world is a shadow land, take hold of my hand and I’ll lead you to eternal damnation. * * *

And it shimmers, like broken glass I stepped on yesterday and it cut me, While I withered, like the flower I watched die or the raindrop that suddenly jumped from the sky to its death. And the noise stopped, so pale was the moon on her path of shadows. And I ran. Only to find myself again, standing there, like broken glass. * * *

She hits me and then tells me to shut up. Maybe she can’t stand to hear the sound of her own childhood. * * *

I creep into your house and watch where we slept and laughed and cried. And while my world is ending, I’ll hold onto you. Even, when you let go. * * *

and then the breeze, fluttered past my face. Kissing the skin as it murdered the heart. Caressing the soul with its claws to blind me, to veil my eyes with the black lace of passion. The world stopped. Just for a second, minutely I caught the note of chaos that rode among the waved of sanity. Borderline love turns to borderline lust. Blatent hate backed by lack of trust. And if I fall I know I must, return to fight again. * * *

dark shadows flicker engulfing the light, razor to cut out the pain. Sanguine tears, one for every memory, open wound like an open mind and if hidden, closed in time. One speck of dirt: in a house, on a street, in a town, all filled with other specks of useless dirt, unified in darkness. * * *

She was so meloncholly, and so infinately sad. Her world broke and crumbled, everything was going bad. And she whispered, under the pale moonlight, and she danced, with the devil o r with god. She didn’t quite know and she didn’t quite care. It grew cold, reality seeped inter her dreams and she died, deserting the world as its queen. * * *

Twinkle twinkle little star, you look so close but feel so far. And if I make a wish tonight will you respond by glowing bright? Or will you die from my broken dreams? You can’t promise and I won’t scream . My world is dripping with blood red ice cream. * * *

Do half truths indicate half trust, and will have love follow half lust? Will half dreams lead to half strife and will half vows make a half wife? * * *

If ever shall fall, those up so high, Then what of us? Shall we all cry? Or stand our ground and take the power, what shall we do, in our last hour? * * *

Lights, spin, do it again. Make me feel as if I’m truly alive. Lie and say you love me, then leave me, be like the rest. Don’t call again, don’t remember me, don’t live because of me. All these don’ts. I sure would like a trip, take a drug and go out with a bang, leave the world in pieces. Let them figure out why I died. Read my eyes, they give me away. I scream inside, why don’t you hear? Even if you do hear you’ll leave. I love you has lost its meaning, and snow white won’t wake up. How’s that for a happy ending? * * *