Dear Mom and Dad and everyone else,

Please forgive me. I tried, I really did try, but I couldn’t handle it any more. The pressure, the standards, the fact that this was something being forced, and you know how much I hate that.

I loved everything, but not all the time. I don’t know where things went wrong, but I know they did somewhere along the line. I can’t try to explain the logic running through my head, trying to rationalise, but it was there. Please don’t think you’ve failed me. I love you, and I’m grateful for everything. You love, your support, but well,
I’m sorry.

Taylor- I know you and I had that argument, but don’t blame yourself for this. Don’t. I order you not to. It was always there, this nagging feeling, the hatred for our passion becoming this monster, taking over our lives and treating us like we were part of some evil plan. I’m sorry for what I said. Sorry for any of this, but how could I live a life of dishonesty? A life where everything was planned, and ordered, directed and most of all unreal.

You could never imagine how everyday I wished I was someone else. How I wished I had a normal life. That’s all I ever wanted, but I loved you guys so much that I put on that brave face for every concert. That brave face for every signing, for meeting the fans, for press interviews. The brave face that looked like I enjoyed it, but truthfully, inside...I guess I was shattered. Inside, I wanted to shoot all the fans, shoot the camera people.

Why is it, the fans think they own a piece of you like that? They believe they know all there is to know about you, they scream and shout your name, proclaiming their undying love and yet, you can never return that. Never have I ever felt that, and that’s sad. I had music running through me, but I wanted it for me. I didn’t want to share it. I didn’t want to always be some pin up idol, I didn’t want this. I didn’t want my life to be so exposed, never having a secret that only I knew. Sure at first it was fun, but signing that contract, I never knew I’d be signing away my life.
Signing away me.

Isaac, Taylor. Don’t give up. Don’t let this stop you because I don’t want it to. You have music pulsating through you too, and never lose that. I’ll always be right there to back you up, sitting next to the big guy upstairs, rooting for you, and maybe now I can have my own space. My own life, my own self. I hope you don’t think I’m greedy, but it’s for the best. Something’s just can’t be solved.

So anyway, Mom and Dad, I love you more that you’ll know. More than I ever cared to admit, but you knew that. Though it was never said, I loved you all, and I know you felt it.

Isaac- Thanks for being the big brother. I wouldn’t have ever dreamed of anyone else. You really helped me, you were there when I needed a good chat, or just to annoy for the fun of it, thanks for that big bro.

Taylor- Probably the person I most respected. You knew how to put me in my place, to help others, and I will always remember that.

Jess- As I promised you get to keep all my c.ds. Blast them loud and strong so I can hear them to.

Avery- Make sure Jess isn’t always getting shot gun. Demand your turn too.

Macky.- No doubt you’ll get all my clothes when you can fit them baby.

Zoë- And Zoë, maybe mom can tell you this when you’re older, but you’re always be my little baby Z.

Be safe, carry on, and never forget that I loved you. Never forget how much you helped me, but I was already gone, and never forget what you meant to me.

Love always
Zac.

PS I finally finished the song Ike.-

Well I’ve been lying in my bed, trying to sleep
Tossing and turning with every thought that something wasn’t right
And though I’ve tried, tried so hard
Something’s just can’t change and there I go....

Bleeding, and crying trying to hide the pain
Laughing yet dying in my heart again
I’m trying to take the hurt away but
it just comes back again
I run, but can’t hide..

Maybe it could be different
But things always go wrong when I’m all alone
If I could take this time and reply it in my mind,
It’d be pictures of you, running through my mind.
But I’m gone
Too far gone.

And they say that something’s gotta give
Telling me that I can carry on and survive through
the long and endless night
And though I’ve fought, and fought so hard
Something’s just don’t change and here I go

Bleeding, and crying trying to hide the pain
Laughing yet dying in my heart again
I’m trying to take the hurt away but
it just comes back again
I run, but can’t hide..

Maybe it could be different
But things always go wrong when I’m all alone
If I could take this time and reply it in my head,
It’d be pictures of you, running through my mind.
But I’m gone
Too far gone.

Please don’t try to say
You could have saved the day
That if I just showed
What you needed to know
Everything would be okay...

Bleeding, and crying trying to hide the pain
Laughing yet dying in my heart again
I’m trying to take the hurt away but
it just comes back again
I run, but can’t hide..

Maybe it could be different
But things always go wrong when I’m all alone
If I could take this time and reply it in my head,
It’d be pictures of you, running through my mind.
But I’m gone
Too far gone.
But I’m gone..too far gone
Don’t save me now...

The morgue was quiet. The Hanson Family gathered tightly around Zac’s cold yet still oddly fresh body. There were red burns around his neck, where obviously the noose had scalded into his delicate pink skin. A single tear dropped onto the body, and rolled down his hand. Nothing could be said, nothing could be explained.
It was too late.