I forced back tears as I kissed Taylor privately for what I think would be the last time before I handed him his t-shirt. My body was shaking so hard, I felt like every piece of me was going to shatter from underneath me. I looked at him, and he looked different. Once I would look at him and I would wish I knew what he was beneath the clothing, and now I look at him and I know he loved me enough to give me his body. "Hey Taylor?"
"What hun?" he asked, tieing his shoes infront of me. I ran my fingers over the top of his head and then winced in pain as I pulled my skirt on.
"Am I really suppose to be this sore? I mean, god it hurts." I whined. He got up and handed me my tube top. I know that I'm not suppose to hurt..seeing Duncan and all..but I'm hurting. Was that because I didn't bleed with Duncan?
"I think we both are, I remember coming across one of my mom's love novels..Ooo..good idea, go lay down." he said.
"Again? Last time I did that...I..okay fine." I said, sitting on the newly made bed. As I sat down, I then realized something. We just had sex., and without the one thing I was suppose to need the most, a condom. Shit shit shit, I yelled to myself. Just before Taylor walked out of the room, I called to him.
"Yeah babe?"
"Birth control is just as good as a condom right?" I questioned.
"Yeah I think so."
"Was your mom ever on it?"
"No, I don't think they believe in that type of lovin'. Now don't move one inch, I'll be right back." he closed the door. "ISAAC!" he screamed, running down the hallway.
- - - - - -
Isaac heard his name being called and he looked away from Ilana. She was reading in the big plump chair atleast two feet away from him. "What?" he asked, knowing Taylor couldn't hear him. Lana looked up, smiling brightly. "Lana! Shh, act like we don't know okay? He'd kill us-"
"Hey Taylor." she smiled. Ike rolled his eyes. Taylor waved to Ilana and then turned toward his brother.
"Three questions for you and Lana. One, is she suppose to be that sore? Two, is birth control just as good as condoms, and Three, Lana and I borrow a wash cloth I wanna help Mandy with something." Isaac face feel.
"You did it? You just...," Ike gasped.
"Yes now answer my questions."
"Sure Tay, upstairs, third door on the left. Yes your both going to be sore, and yes birth control is 10% better then condoms..but its 100% if you used both..-" Ike cut her off.
"You did use condoms right?" Taylor's face paled.
"No, not really, I guess no..I mean neither of us knew that we were gon-" Ilana cut him off, seeing him panic.
"OKay no problems. BCpills are 98% for great protection, condoms are 96% okay? Got that. Isaac say now words to Amanda or Taylor or I about what just happened. No one is to know our little teen heart-throb isn't a virgin. Tay go upstairs." With that mark Taylor thanked Ilana and ran upstairs, grabbing a washcloth, soaking it with warm water.
- - - * * * - - -
I locked Ilana's large connecting bathroom door, just as I heard Taylor enter the bedroom. I sighed and predicted an "I told you lie down" speech. Yeah, just what I need right now. My body burns, my body aches, my head is pouding and all I want at this moment was to take a long hot shower., just as I reached for the sliding shower door, he knocked on the door. "What?" I asked, sounding completely strange.
"Mandy let me in." Taylor's now familiar sexy voice sounded from behind the door.
"I want to take a shower., give me 5 minutes?" I asked. He tried to turn the knob.
"Please? I know what can stop the pain, I read about it."
"I'll take Advil later." I said, pulling off my shirt and turning on the water.
"Just let me in." he said.
"Why? I'm just about to step into the shower, can't it wait?"
"No, Amanda c'mon, it's not gonna stop hurting until you let me show you what to do."
"Fine, look Tay I'm getting into the shower, I'm coming out to unlock the door, don't come in until I tell you to, alright?"
"It's not like I haven't seen you before." he said, laughing. I groaned and unlocked the door. I quickly dove into the shower, feeling the hot water pellets hit my warm skin with no effect on me.
"I'm not feeling good Tay, so if you think that you coming in here to see me and get layed again don't count on it. I'm in enough pain as it is."
"And I know that, I'm coming in?" he asked, almost questioning me. I sighed.
"Fine, but like I said don't touch me." I bitched at him as I closed my eyes. I heard him open the curtain and I did a full turn so he only saw my backside. I ran a washcloth over my neck and I felt his left arm wrap around my waist, his pinky grazing my belly-button. "I just told you don't touch me." I said, pulling away. I opened my eyes and turned to face him. He kissed me as soon as we locked eyes. He whispered something into my ear, but it was lost in the water, all I heard was, "It's gonna feel weird, but it's going to stop the pain. If you dont..." then his words were lost when I kissed him again. I felt his hand and a washcloth run down the front of my body, and he pressed it between my legs. I shrieked and pushed him away from me. "Taylor! I just fuckin' told you not to fuckin' touch me. I'm in pain and I'm not in the mood."
"I just told you what was going to stop the pain. If you want to do it yourself fine, but tell me and I'll get out."
"Get out."
"Okay." He blinked water from his eyelashes and turned away, dropping the washcloth. I grabbed his elbow, and practically cried for him to stay by my side.
"I'm sorry.", was the last words I remember before I was lost in my own passion.
- - - - * * - - - -
"Mandy? Amanda? Hey Manz," Taylor waved his hand in front of my face. I practically jumped out of my skin. Blinking, I realized I was only dreaming. All that passion, emotion, pain was all just part of my imagination. I tilted my head back, noticing Taylor was stanging in front of my. I slowly turned my head, glancing around the room. I wasn't locked in Ilana's bedroom, I'm sitting in her living room, Isaac to my left drinking soda, and Ilana sitting behind Taylor, laughing at something someone had said.
"What?" I asked, feeling my face start to burn.
"I'm asking you if you want to go upstairs." Taylor's sweet seductive voice ring in my ears. I looked directly at Lana, almost as if in a pleading way.
"Yeah Chicha, go upstairs." Lana cheered, laughing. I sighed and stood up. I glanced at Isaac as Taylor pressed his hand to my lower back quiding me toward the stairs. I couldn't help but notice that as I climbed the stairs Ike was giving me the 'Don't do anything I wouldn't do' speech. "Hey Tay, dresser closest to the bed, right hand side, top drawer in diary." Ilana called as we reached the top, out of their sight. As soon as Taylor opened a large brown door I heard Lana and Isaac gab away as if without a care in the world. Lucky them, I thought to myself.
"So...." Taylor started, rocking back on the balls of his feet, after closing the door. I sat on the steel chair in front of Ilana's old computer. I twirled, and laughed.
"I dunno..." I mumbled. "What do you want to do?" He looked at me, and I almost shed tears. A flow of heat ran up from the pit of my stomach, to my ears, and from what was resulted, I realized I was feeling raw passion. My hands seemed as if they were trembling, but when I glanced at them, they weren't.
"I don't want to be here, do you?" Taylor's voice cracked. I looked at him, and gazed into his face. His hair was shining from the flakes of sunlight that saundered through the window. His lips, a pure glossy red, matching his ears, and yet, his face was pale. All in which, making him so incredibly gorgeous, you would cry.
"Oh, ah, no..it's not that. I do want to be here, its just that its really awkward, and all." I stated, avoiding his gaze.
"I know." I then looked at him, questioning with my emerald eyes. "We are going against my parents' rules. This is as low as we can get..what if we wait it out?"
"What do you mean?" I choked, knowing something was wrong.
"I have an idea." he said.
"What?" I pulled my knees up to my chest, and hugged them close, resting my chin in the dip between my knees.
"Unless my parents' see that we are listening to them, say...moving on., they'll break when they see how depressed we come. We'll never complain, we'll never speak, we'll just sit, and go out, coming back, having no fun at all." I knew exactly where he was going with this.
"So we're breaking up?" I asked him, almost prepared to cry.
"Not exactly."
"Yes exactly, in order for us to be back together, we have to break up and see other people, become depressed, and just wait it out?" I cried, shedding a scared tear now. My side of the room was dimly lit, and since he being near the window, he couldn't see my tears that now feel quickly, and unwillingly.
"Exactly."
:::: come on over ::::::
::: Ever Lonely :::
*- - Hand in Hand - - *