I was thinking last night, I was thinking about life and love and joy and I thought how happy I had been at moments earlier this fall. And I thought, crazy thought, I would have said yes if he had asked. I must be so desperate, I must be so lonely. To think something crazy like that. That boy drives me crazy. He has an awful sense of humor and there's so many little things that drive me crazy, but I would have put up with it, I did. And I guess it's because I want, I need, another person. So I think, I ponder, that hole in my dreams, it may just be there for a good reason. The absence of hurt.

December 21, 2001