I never write things done, like my dream stories. They sort of play out in my head and they just get lost or fade or ramble into nothingness. I've decided the line of the story is me, whom is important in some way, being overpowered and then giving up to a powerful person. I'm never someone unimportant. There's always a reason they want me/need me. Maybe it's because I feel my life is too dull. I've often thought that. That I wished something exciting would happen. And so the story goes...
Pictures representing...
I sit and write and I hear a noise at the door. Often this noise is the present/more often past object of affection. Certain people I would never dream about putting in this situation. But others are either in this position by disposition or because they themselves have done/are in this situation. Take for example.
I am driving home one night and see the flashing lights behind my car... and then "him". "Him" is how I refer to my nameless existing entities. Partly because I feel more comfortable and partly because of the romanticism of it.
Sometimes I wonder if I am being decieving or traitorous because of these thoughts. But I think not because if ever in this situation, the "real" outcome I know would be different.
In my dream story I allow myself to be bold, not shy, a different person. And I know I can always say no and the fog will clear leaving me and my guilty conscience is at work here.
So I am so terrible to have these thoughts. After all, they are just stories. They have no base in my real intentions. And even if they do (partly) they will never be carried out with the same feeling. The feeling I get is of control over being controlled. In a way I am telling them how to direct me, how to manipulate me, which is weird but at least their actions are not totally surprising. or harmful.
control- what an issue. I overexert myself in real personal relationships, trying to prove my worthiness and be accepted immediately. But in my stories, I am the one who already is being pursued, not them.
And so now... I sleep and visit my friends once more, a new scenario coming up everyday.