Sometimes I hear stories about other people's lives. And I think about how awful or wonderful it was, comparing it to my own. I wish all the time my life was more "normal". If only... If only I had a closer family, if only I had more friends, if only I had done better in school, if only I had been more sensible, if only I had thought before doing, if only I had a nices father, or a real father at all... If only clouds my brain. And then I think, yeah, but couldn't it have been worse? I could have been poorer, an only child, an orphan, sick, lonely, all the terrible things that happen to other people, and I realize, if only for that minute second, it's okay to not be perfect, normal isn't perfect and there's always ALWAYS something good, even if you have to think hard, even if it's only I AM ALIVE... So I guess my life is okay, and I'm okay, and it could be worse!

12/12/99