"Can I come in?" I heard Ike’s voice call and I mumbled out a "yeah".
The door fully opened and he stepped into view, coming over and sitting next to me, wrapping his big arms around my shaking shoulders.
"I can’t do this Ike, I can’t handle it, I’m going to do it" I told him and he looked confused.
"Huh? You're gonna do what?" he responded and I looked at the ground.
"I can’t handle living like this, I’m going to kill myself" I told him quietly and he pulled away.
I looked up at him and he looked shocked.
"You can’t, I mean, no, Jessica! Don't be stupid, you can get over this, don't kill yourself...for christs' sake! I can't believe you! That is so gutless! After all I've done for you, you' re going to repay me by killing yourself. Yeah, good on ya Jess" he snarled and I looked at him, crying even more.
"I'm sorry Ike, but think about it, what do I have to live for?" I paused.
"My dad’s a a fucking drunk, my mom’s dead, I don’t have any friends, I don’t have a job, my house has been burnt to a crisp, I’ve got no money, really, I’m serious here, I have absolutely nothing to live for" I told him and he looked down.
"What about me?" he asked softly and I looked him right in the eye.
"Look Ike, you ARE the only thing I’m living for, and I love you more than anything in the whole world, but you’re always on the move, your apartment can only hold you and your dog, and, I don’t know, I’d just never see you, that’s all." I told him and he nodded sadly.
"I know that, but we can work this out, you can come live with me if you’re that desperate, you know that Jessica. I refuse to let you just...kill yourself though! You've been so strong until now, why turn gutless and just...leave?!? I can't believe you even considered it" he said sadly, shaking his head
"OK Ike, umm, I'm sorry, but, I just figured I had absolutely nothing to live for. When you put it your way, you're right...but, I just don't know..."
"WHAT?!? There's nothing else TO know! Just get your gear, and come live with me, OK? You can tour with us all the time, but if you don't want to, I trust you enough to be able to look after my house, but, today, after lunch, we'll just do it? OK?"
"OK Ike, whatever, let's just eat" I answered and he looked pleased at himself.
Not only was I not listening to him, I still wanted to die. What was going to happen when he went on tour? He was lying, of course I WOULDN'T be able to go with him, that's crazy. Fuck that shit. I didn't WANT to live. Even if it was with him. I hated my life, and all I wanted to do was just be with my mom...
