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"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
" I SOLD DRUGS TO YOUR CHILDRENGroucho Marx Hey, I'm back. As if you care. And I brought friends again. The DRAFT! While the real one took place Monday this is the one went down when the MMPS was on the case! The rest of the MMPS fill us in with a few insights. This is based in a parallel universe where the MMPS commands and ALL wrestlers still active or semi-active are eligible for draft. I will be Flair, drafting for WWF Monday Raw, Zak is Vince drafting for WWF Thursday SmackDown (or maybe a Todd Gordon figureheaded ECW show), and Moki is drafting for WCW Sunday Night Nitro! Which is now a 2 hour shows. In our universe the World and Woman's title holders can appear on all shows but goes back to the show they were drafted to when they lose their title. #1 contenders from other shows/brands will get their shots on PPV. {The Franchise 2.5} Cliff Young: a fan that will enjoy a good product. The Silver Smarker. Zak Blak: watches wrestling for the technical mastery of the Dean Malenkos, and the storytelling of the Ric Flairs. Watches wrestling for the lengthy matches, cruiserweight action, feuds and...oh wait...nevermind. Skittles Slayer: female. A rather comely lass at that but I didn't say that. Fan of lightwieght pretty boys. Moki Roberts: THE old school smark of the world and #1 Jake the Snake fan. No rehab jokes please. Alan Edwards:Our resident heat reacapper. And me, Angry Johnny: Chronic wrestling fan condition with no cure in sight (not even 6 months of Invasion). Together we are a ragtag collection of super powered opinions and odd senses of humor. We are...  Let's start out off with my personal definition of what we are often called. smark: noun, the halfway point between A. smart (one who believes they alone are right) and B. mark (1.one who buys everything Vince sells literally and figuratively; 2.a loyalist to a something. Examples: Lodi mark, hardcore match mark, powerbomb mark) In other words, jaded but not too bitter to stick with it. Today class, The DRAFT! While the real one took place Monday this is the one went down when the MMPS was on the case! The rest of the MMPS fill us in with a few insights. This is based in a parallel universe where the MMPS commands and ALL wrestlers still active or semi-active are eligible for draft. I will be Flair, drafting for WWF Monday Raw, Zak is Vince drafting for WWF Thursday SmackDown (or maybe a Todd Gordon figureheaded ECW show), and Moki is drafting for WCW Sunday Night Nitro! Which is now a 2 hour shows. In our universe the World and Woman's title holders can appear on all shows but goes back to the show they were drafted to when they lose their title. #1 contenders from other shows/brands will get their shots on PPV. In OUR Universe. Monday:Flair demended Syxx defend his LH Title. Syxx said no Light Heavyweight in the WWF was brave enough to take on the nWo. Hurricane's music hits and Hurricane comes out! Syxx fought the Hurricane and was on the verge of losing when the Outsiders showed up. Rock, Kane, and Hogan pulled the Outsiders out of the ring and won the ensuing brawl with their numbers advantage. Syxx hit the Hurricane with the X Factor but a strange Boy Band music hit before Shannon Moore came outta nowhere and hit Syxx with a spinning DDT. Syxx got up, but was caught with the Eye of the Hurricane and lost 1-2-3. Hurricane and Moore stare each other down til commercial break. Steph still lost her match. Billy & Chuck were shocked when Rico quit. Angle promised to win the IC Belt for Vince to make sure he was #1 pick for Vince, and #1 pick overall. Shane returned after buying stock from underneath Vince AND Ric's nose. Shane annoucned the draft wouldn't happen until SD and he would run Sunday Nitro where WCW would live on! When Angle got DQed Vince got pissed and left without talking to Angle. Thursday:Vince is seen talking to Shane in his office. He says he killed WCW once and he'd do it again, but he sold his shares to ECW founder Todd Gordon after he realized even Angle couldn't be counted on. Shane says he won't make the mistake of using men loyal to Heyman. Shane smiles and introduces Superstars from New Japan, IWA, and FMW! Todd Gordon walks in and asks Shane what's wrong. Shane says Gordon's last company up and died. Todd tells Shane he signed an experienced commisioner:Mick Foley, so he'll be okay. Todd leaves. Shane pouts. Vince asks what's wrong. Shane says he wanted Mick Foley. Vince says that he had Linda make Roddy Piper commisioner of WCW so Shane can thank him for that. Shane looks angry. Flair pays Heyman for a list of draftable ECW guys. Jericho and Regal viciously beat down HHH in the parking lot but Hogan and Rock made the save, the draft occured the way WE chose (with Zak as Todd, me as Ric, and you as Shane). Shane panicks and goes for star power as Ric and Todd draft all his Japanese friends under his nose! Flair panics too, as he learns Todd already had the list of ECW guys and takes most of them, including the WWF hating Shane Douglas. Raven still beat Maven for the HC Title witht he help of Tommy Dreamer. RVD was on the brink of defeating Christian until the ref was bumped. RVD hits the ***** but no ref. While RVD tried to wake the ref Angle appeared and Angle Slammed RVD three times after a shot from the ring bell. Christian pinned RVD to get the IC belt. The nWo caught Hogan and Rock off guard during their "goodbye SmackDown fans" speech and Kane made the save to even the odds until Scott Steiner (with pipe!) saved the nWo. The alternate timeline created by thi PTW can be found here. Round 1 ------- Zak's Pick:RVD Moki's Pick:Hogan J's pick:Jericho ________________ Round 2 ------- Zak's Pick:Benoit Moki's Pick:Kane J's pick:Outsiders (Hall/Nash) ________________ Round 3 ------- Zak's Pick:Dudleyz Moki's Pick:APA J's pick:Angle ________________ Round 4 ------- Zak's Pick:Hurricane Moki's Pick:Christian J's pick:Lance Storm ________________ Round 5 ------- Zak's Pick:Regal Moki's Pick:Austin J's pick:Booker T ________________ Round 6&7 ------- Zak's picks:Dean Malenko, Rhyno Moki's picks:Undertaker, Mr. Perfect J's picks:Tajiri, Jindrak/O'Haire ________________ Round 8&9 ------- Zak's picks:Kaientai Moki's picks:Hardyz, Raven, Tommy Dreamer J's picks:Jung Dragons, Scott Steiner ________________ Round 10&11 ------- Zak's picks:Hayabusa, Jinsei Shinzaki, Brock Lesnar/Sheldon Benjamin Moki's picks:Mike Awesome, Kanyon, Big Show J's picks:Jason Jett, Leviathon, Island Boyz (Ekmo/Kimo) ________________ Round 12,13,14 ------- Zak's picks:FBI (Guido&Tony Mamaluke), West Hollywood Blondes (Lodi/Lenny), Shane Douglas Moki's picks:Danny Doring/Roadkill, DDP, Bam Bam Bigelow, D'Lo Brown J's picks:Billy/Chuck, Rey Mysterio/Juvi, Billy Kidman ________________ The Rest of the Rounds (in order) ------- Zak's picks:Crowbar, Stacy Keibler, Kid Kash, Jazz, Goldust, Ayako Hamada, New Jack, Super Crazy, Eddie Guerrero, Jerry Lynn, Tazz, Nova,Chavo Guerrero, Edge, Terry Funk, Al Snow, Lo Ki, Steve Corino, Simon Diamond, Dawn Marie, Chris Daniels, Vampiro. AJ Styles, Alan Funk, Ivory, HHH, Scott Vick Moki's picks:Justin Credible, Sandman, Psicosis, Mr. Pogo, Repo Man, The Great Muta, Dusty Rhodes, El Dandy, Jake Roberts, Test, Maven, Silver King, Brutus Beefcake, Mark Henry, Marty Jannetty, Prototype, Stevie Richards, MAcho Man, Virgil, Iron Mike Sharpe, Haku, Saturn, La Parka, Yuji Nagata, Scott Norton, Alex Wright, Ultimo Dragon J's picks:Sabu, Mike Sanders, Blitzkreig, Jeff Jarret, Daphney,CW Anderson, Bull Buchanon, The Great Kabuki, Rock (SOMEONE had to pick him), Brooklyn Brawler, Josh from Tough Enough 1, Randy Orton, Messiah, Scorpio, Ron Waterman, Ken Shamrock, Jamie Knoble, Syxx, Johnny Swinger, Mighty Molly, Disco Inferno, Hawk from Tough Enough 2, Air Paris, Shark Boy, Goldberg (with NEVER ending jobbing streak), Spike Dudley, Blue Meanie ________________ Announcers (play by play/color/third wheel) ------- J's picks:Mike Tenay/Paul Heyman/Scott Hudson Moki's picks:Joey Styles/Heenan/Joel Gertner Zak's picks:Jim Ross/Cyrus/Konnan ________________ Interviews (male/female) ------- J's picks:Mark Madden/Pamela Paulshock Moki's picks:Mean Gene/Lilian Garcia Zak's picks:Jonathon Coachman/Sharmel ________________ Comissioner ------- J's pick:Ricky Steamboat Moki's pick:Roddy Piper Zak's pick:Mick Foley ________________ Manager/Backstage Guys Draft ------- J's picks:Jim Cornette, Reverend Slick, HBK Moki's picks:Mr. Fuji, Ted DiBiase, The Genius Zak's picks:Jimmy Hart, Sinister Minister, Sign Guy Dudley ________________ Ref Draft ------- J's picks:Charles Robinson, Earl Hebner, Nick Patrick Moki's picks:Danny Davis, Harvey Whippleman, Dave Hebner Zak's picks:Teddy Long, Mike Chioda, John Finnegan ________________ Title Placings ------- J's:Tag Titles, Cruiserweight Moki's:Intercontinental, Harcore Zak's:European, Light Heavyweight (though he says he'd change the names) ________________ NOW we get the opinions of the MMPS on the draft according to a few questions I asked. Just judging from who we picked and not seeing our plans.... 1.Who has the best Hardcore Division? Why? Jay. He has Messiah and CW Anderson...'nuff said. Zak overall although I was inclined to say Moki just because he has Raven : ) It seems that Zak has a very dominant hardcore division with the likes of Rhyno, RVD, the Dudleyz, Douglas, The Mamalukes, Crowbar, Funk, and Vampiro. I'm referring to Terry, of course, but I could see Alan Funk in hardcore as the Kwee Wee...LOL 2.Who has the worst HC division? Why? Moki. Bunch of old-timers, has-beens, wannabe's, and never-were's on his roster. Jay. He doesn't have enough hardcore guys on his roster. Quite obviously J. I seen Sabu, as well as Shamrock, but that's about as in depth as the true hardcore style goes. The other 2 rosters are fairly close in hardcore talent, but Zak has a visible edge. J, though, had better stick with other styles in the ring for his show. 3.Who has the best tag division? Why? Zak's. He chose great tag teams (Moki's was second best). Jay. Although I see no one has 3 Count at all (!!!) he has the best tag teams With the Jung Dragons, Rey/Juvi/Kidman and Konnan on commentary (the Filthy Animals), and the possibility of one of my favorite new tag teams...Angle and Storm! I'm going to give the advantage in the category to J, though I'd love to see Lenny and Lodi, and perhaps the other Hollywood Blondes (Stunning Steve and Brian Pillman) on that roster as well. 4.The worst tag division? Why? Jay's. Strong, but not as strong as Moki's, and not as strong as Zak's. Moki. Why the hell would you pick the APA?! Zak's FBI and West Hollywood Blondes, and perhaps the Dudleyz, are the stars of the division but beyond that the division is fairly dead. Kaientai can be entertaining, but squash matches get old, and it seems other teams have trouble putting these guys over. This division needs a bit more depth, though. 5.Who has the most jobbers in your opinion? Moki. Credible? LOL...I'm a fan of Aldo, but hey... Moki With El Dandy, Silver King, the Chairman of the Board La Parka (who should NOT be jobbing :-P ), Alex Wright and Virgil, I see alot of jobbers on Moki's roster, but that's not a bad thing in all cases. 6.Who has the best Main Events set up? Why? Zak. Benoit, RVD...'nuff said... Jay. Cause I like it. Zak. RVD, Benoit, Crowbar, Al Snow, Chris Daniels, and Vampiro could all main event in my dream federation, so that gives the edge to Zak. I want DDP in half my main events, in my perfect world, but I'm not holding my breath. 7.Who has the most crowded Main Event Scene? Moki. Most of his picks were past main-eventers that would surely be in the ME scene just based on nostalgia trips. Moki Moki. Kane, Austin, Taker, Perfect, Raven, Awesome, Show, DDP, Credible, Roberts, Beefcake, and Macho Man couldn't peacefully coexist. I'd eliminate Kane and Taker right off the top, but I'm biased against big slow guys with lackluster abilities. Oops...thought out loud again. 8.Who has the worst main event scene? Why? Jay. He chose mostly relative unknowns. Highest quality of main-events, but without definite draws to help establish newer ones... None are that horrible. Moki, because of the crowded roster. 9.Who has the best roster in your opinion when it comes to mic skills? Moki. It's obvious his fed would rely on SPORTZ ENTERTAINMENT~!~ Tie. All of them have people on their rosters which have great mic skills. RVD, Hogan and Jericho were all great picks for mic skills in the first round. Outsiders, Angle, Booker, and in my opinion, Scott Steiner, all give J an advantage. Other great men on the mic in his roster are the Filthy Animals and Jarrett. 10.Who has the best workers? Zak. Benoit, RVD, Ayako Hamada...'nuff said... Jay I'm definitely going with J's cruiserweight-laden division on this one. I'm a huge mark for cruiserweights, and J has nearly all of my favorites in one show. You can't sleep through a lucha-libre style match. 11.Who DIDN'T we draft that you think got screwed the most out of a spot? The Dragon Kid and "White Trash" Johnny Webb. SHANNON MOORE, Evan Karagias I didn't see Konnan til I seen the announce team, and he would've had my vote. Otherwise, I'm going with Ernest "The Cat" Miller...HUGELY entertaining on the mic in WCW days gone by, and not a bad wrestler with a little more work. 12.Which wrestler was the biggest mistake for Zak? For Moki? For Johnny? Zak: Goldust, Moki: Brutus Beefcake, Johnny: Great Kabuki (WAAAAAAY past his prime, and retired)Due to our retirement rule Kabuki was deemed ineligible and I lost that pick. Oops. For Zak, Kaienti (he had a good roster, hard to pick). For Moki, Kane (come on, who the hell would pick Kane!?). For Jay, Goldberg (even if he remains a jobber for the rest of his career). Zak took Goldust, who has skills, but NOOOO get him off TV. He's in need of a huge gimmick makeover. I can't stand his entire gimmick, top to bottom. It's not heel heat I have for Goldust, it's all-out annoyance. For Moki, I must say that my Nacho Cheese Flavored Easy Mac I'm eating right now has more personality than Scott Norton. He makes Blackmon look like a top-notch entertainer. Norton was one of those guys, to me, that faded into the background of every nWo promo or beatdown. He wrestled good in Japan, I'm sure, but he doesn't do anything for me. J picked the Rock...but someone had to. Poor guy. Rockamania might actually be interesting, but not just Crocky...that will just be a broken record, and I don't mean the attendance kind 13.Which show do YOU think would get the best ratings? Johnny's. He has a great blend of big-names and up-and-comers...PLUS, I'd be sure to tune in just to see EZ Money/Jason Jett and The Messiah wrestle =) Jay's I'd put my money on J's promotion, if he pushes cruiserweights right, and does good with the Main Event scene. Just as long as he doesn't have a hardcore division with that talent. 14.Which show would be YOUR favorite to watch? See "ratings" Jay's J's, if it's not obvious by now. 15.Which one of us had the best picks overall? Johnny. He picked a good balance of big-names and up-and-comers, leaving room for elevation and attracting an audience already. Tie. Zak and Jay : ) I think all three rosters were even in the end, simply due to the complexity of the different styles and personalities of all the talent. Each show, if conducted correct, could be very entertaining. Now we just have to see if the WWF can do this right. 16.Who has the best commentary? Moki, hands-down. Gertner? 10 points. Heenan?! 25 points. JOEY "OH MY FUCKING GOD!!" STYLES?!?! 100 FUCKING POINTS RIGHT THERE!!! Zak Well, Heyman, Heenan, and Konnan are split up... Tenay adds to J's stock in commentary. I really am into Heenan and Konnan for their respective positions in the announce team, and Mene Gene is the best of the interviewers... However, I'm going to have to go with J's announce team simply because he includes two of my favorites, the Professor and Heyman. 17.Which fed would have the most backstage problems? Moki's. Bunch of political bastards on his roster. Moki Jay. Earl Hebner sucks. Sorry...in addition, HBK, Goldberg, Steiner, the Outsiders, and ALOT of young talent (including at least 2 from the Tough Enough casts) would be a bad combination. Everybody's got an ego, but rookies and the nWo/Kliq type guys have the biggest ones. 18.Any other comments you'd like to make? Yes. My backyard fed, Frontline Wrestling, is opening soon. Franklin, Massachusetts, my loyal readers and fans. If you want to come to a show, or try-out for the fed, e-mail CliffYoung@bolt.com or CoreyLazarus@hotmail.com Why didn't anyone pick Shannon? : ( Too bad we won't see ALL these wrestlers drafted...Last night wasn't too exciting, but I'm headed over to see the lottery results now, so we'll see how it REALLY turned out. Wonder if Austin's gonna be back? ---------------------------- Clean up draft! And penalties... The Cleanup Rounds (in order) ------- Zak's picks:Shannon Moore, Masato Tanaka, Great Sasuke, Gran Naniwa, Crash Holly, Jackie, The Wall, Hugh Morrus, Dick Togo, Backseat Boys, Vic Venom, Essa Rios, Dan Severn, Ryan Shamrock, Eric Angle, Francine, Super Dragon, Shogun, Elix Skipper, Super Calo Moki's picks:Norman Smiley, Val Venis, Tenryu, Big Vito, Road Dogg, Rico Constantino, Glacier, Lash Lereoux, Kronik, Shawn Stasiak, Albert, Ernest Miller, Sonny Onoo, Vic Grimes, Zeus, Beluh, Lex Luger, Kid Romeo, David Flair, Jake from TE2 J's picks:Medusa, Masato Yakushiji, Jushin Thunder Ligre, Victoria, RC Haas, Tori, Nidia, Major Gunns, Joey Matthews/Christian York, Terry Boy, Kimberly Page, Chris Chetti, Jimmy the Homeless Guy, White Trash Johnny Web, Lizzy Borden, Bob Holly, Chastity, Midajah, April Hunter, Steve Bradley ________________ The Penalty Rounds (in order) ------- Zak's hits:Bossman, Brian Lawler, Tony Atlas Moki's hits:Rikishi, Terri Runnels, Flash, Stevie Ray, Koko B Ware, Scotty Too Hotty, K Kwik J's hits:Ric Steiner, Steve Blackman Trades mike awesome (from Moki) for nova, aj styles and goldust (from Zak) ---------------------- 1.Who do you think did the best in improving their cruiserweight division? Zak, hands-down. It should be obvious why... Shannon Moore, Essa Rios, Elix Skipper, and Hugh Morrus make Zak's cruiserweight additions the best. Hugh is not a cruiserweight, but can and should compete in lucha-libre style matches. He may not be able to hold the title, but he can put on a good show. Zak, definitely. He got the Badstreet Boys. What more could a girl ask for? Skitty the Backseat and Badstreet Boys are two different tag teams.... 2.Who improved their main events? Once again, the nod goes to Zak. Every wrestler chosen is over with fans of their respectable companies/markets, and could be over like Hogan if pushed enough. Zak picked up Mike Awesome in a trade and could push Hugh or Eric Angle into the upper card as well. Zak 3.Who just plain improved their roster? See above. Smiley (for comic relief), Road Dogg, David Flair (for storyline value), KroniK, and Ernest Miller (for mic skills) helped propel Moki's roster to a higher level. Zak 4.Who improved the least? Moki. His roster seems to get shittier each time... Though he picked up Thunder Liger and Chastity this time, J's roster didn't pick up alot of talent that would create a huge draw. Moki 5.Biggest mistake in these rounds for Zak? Moki? Johnny? Zak: Vic Venom. Wasn't that just Vince Russo's pen name for WWF Magazine? He's money BAY-BEE! Moki: Where to begin?! First off, ZEUS. He sucked then, sucks now, and forever will suck in the ring. Johnny: Lizzy Borden. All tits...that's IT. Zak...the Wall. No talent. No charisma. Not a whole lot in the way of in-ring ability of any kind. Moki...Sonny Onoo has never been entertaining to me. It's an overdone type of gimmick and it's just overall bland. It doesn't add anything to the wrestler's gimmick whom he's managing. J...Major Gunns. Too much chest to ever be entertaining OR sexy. Zak - Crash Holly, Moki - Albert, Jay - Major Gunns 6.Best picks for each? Zak: Backseat Boyz, Moki: Kid Romeo, Johnny: Johnny Webb Zak...Hugh Morrus. One of the best wrestlers in the sport today, a victim of one bad gimmick after another. Deserves to be at least an IC title contender, if not more. Moki...Ernest Miller is one of the most entertaining mic men in the game. He blows away almost everyone from the past 5 or 6 years, and easily tops the Crock on the mic. J...Jushin Thunder Liger adds depth to ANY cruiserweight division, and I'd love to see that Liger Bomb again. Very nice move. Zak - SHANNON MOORE, Moki - Definitely Kid Romeo, Jay - Jushin Ligre 7.Judging from the picks, what was Zak's strategy? Moki's? Johnny's? Zak seems to want good wrestling, hands-down. Moki wants to make either a garbage fed, or recreate WCW in 1995. Johnny is digging the all-around work. Zak seemed to want to add depth to all parts of the mix it seems. From big guys to cruisers to ladies, Zak covered everything. Moki concentrates on the sports entertainment side of things with the majority of his picks. Not a lot of technical wrestling in this final round, but alot of mic men. J definitely had a major focus on the women's division, and a secondary focus on cruisers, in this last round. Building up the women's division should bring in the sports entertainment fans much more than the wrestling fans. Zak's going for GREAT wrestling (hell, with Shannon on your roster you can not go wrong), Moki is going for the show-y side of things and Jay's going for both aspects. 8.Do the clean up rounds make you change any of your answers for the first 18 questions? Moki's is now the worst fed. Johnny has number 2, and Zak has number 1. The lower carders picked in this additional set of rounds really don't influence my decisions in the earlier rounds, because my decisions were based on the more popular wrestlers in the first round. No. SHANE IS NOT DEAD! And here are his comments on the draft, as he says "[mute] the format!" u and zak definetly have the best choices. i would have to probably go with yours as the best,(though zak took shannon moore!!!) followed by zak, then moki at the bottom. Your cleanup rounds held better wrestlers than most of your original drafts! --------------------------- Fizzarewell from Johnny Thanks for reading. We're gonna start doing some fantasty booking based on this draft nest week so CHECK IT OUT Next time we take on... the up and comers in the WWF. This time I PROMISE. Like that means anything to you. I'm picking the logical WWF pushees not the smark golden boys like Kanyon. Sorry Kanyon, I know there's no one better. REMEMBER, you just read the column too HOT for [slash]! | ||
