DISCLAIMER TWO:
I am as angry as I’ve ever been, and this will not be quite like other rants. I do not plan on sugarcoating anything, and I am going to pick apart every little piece of No Way Out until I can’t type anymore.

You have been warned.

NON-MATCH ITEMS

At different points, back and forth, all night long, there were five different commentators. The commentary was choppy, unconnected, even more annoying than usual. First, it was King and Coach, then Cole and Tazz, then King and Coach, then Cole and Tazz, back and forth…then it was JR, Coach and King. It seemed completely aimless and, if we didn’t get camera shots of them, I would’ve sworn every one of them were drug-addled homeless people rambling about nothing. WWE, take a note: ONE SET OF ANNOUNCERS. Continuity, less confusion. It only makes sense.

There were many times tonight when the camera angle just sucked, as well. At one point, Matt Hardy had Kidman on the turnbuckle, and it seemed as if Matt just kinda randomly fell off the ropes and flat onto his back. There were too many spots that were missed or cheapened by poor camera work.

MATCH ITEMS

Match 1: Chris Jericho vs Jeff Hardy

Good match. Until the final bell rang. Here we are in freakin’ Montreal, right? You know what country that’s in? Well, in case your name is Vince McMahon, I’ll give you a hint. It starts with “C” and ends with… “anada.” Jericho. Canadian. Christian. Canadian. HBK, Montreal, Survivor Series, 1997, AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT F***ING REMEMBERS??! OK, here’s a great idea. Let’s put HBK over two popular Canadians in the same place he screwed Bret. Let’s RUB SOME SALT IN THE DAMNED WOUND. Stupid, stupid booking. I cheered Jericho, as any true fan should have.

Match 2: RVD and Kane vs the Un-Americans

Problem with this match? The “HHH Kiss My Ass Club” (credit to Johnny) still holds the tag team championship. Gee, can’t you just hear the heat when Regal gets the tag? No? That’s because HE SUCKS ALL THE LIFE OUT OF WHATEVER ARENA HE’S IN. The gimmick sucks, because Canada and England are the biggest, if not the only, US allies in the entire freakin’ world. So, here are two people from our only allies who are playing a gimmick in which they despise us. STUPID. Kane can’t wrestle either, but if the fans in Montreal are any indication, he still has more heat that Regal. With RVD, the team is good as gold. The same goes for the Dudleys. Jericho and Christian. There ARE tag teams on Raw which deserve the belts, and the Un-Americans are not among those teams.

Match 3: Billy Kidman vs. Matt Hardy

Wow, the fans are starting to respond to Kidman! They pop halfway decent for his entrance, and blow the roof off for the Shooting Star Press. Now, the best way to legitimize and build heat for this mega-talented superstar is to put him over an established risk-taking heel with a winning reputation. It’s all right there in WWE’s laps…legitimize the title, legitimize the champ, continue to build and develop the feud using Matt’s weight as a gimmick.

Oh, that is way too damn easy, ain’t it? The match was more brawl than cruiser, less entertaining than JR talking to a turned-off cellphone in the parking lot, and done nothing to develop Kidman’s OR Matt’s character. Matt goes over someone who is just beginning to develop heat. Matt already HAS heat. Nobody wins in this match.

Match 4: Undertaker vs Big Show

First off, the positive. Taker, I’ve given you hell before for the pathetic amount of speed and total lack of selling in your matches. I’ve been very vocal about how much I dislike your performance. That dive over the top rope, if only for tonight, changed my mind. That was insane, and I respect you for performing as you did tonight.

Now, post match. A-TRAIN IS A WASTE OF HAIR, TV TIME, AND OXYGEN. GET THAT NO-TALENT PIECE OF TRASH OFF OF MY PAY PER VIEWS. PEOPLE DON’T PAY 35 BUCKS TO SEE FAT, SLOW, HAIRY-BACKED, UNATHLETIC PIECES OF DOG SHIT PRETEND TO BE WRESTLERS. That is all I have to say.

Match 5: Team Angle vs Brock Lesnar and Chris Benoit

Cheat, cheat, cheat, heel heat, booooo, you suck, you suck, cheat, booooo. ALL FIVE OF THESE GODDAMNED WRESTLERS HAVE TALENT. Why can’t WWE put on a decent, clean, entertaining match with this kind of talent? TWO wrestlers in the ring at a time. TWO!!! Benoit and Benjamin, Benoit and Haas, Lesnar and Haas, Lesnar, and Benjamin, Angle and Benoit, Angle and Lesnar…then, Angle wins to gain some heat going into WM XIX. This makes Brock’s win at WM XIX mean more. It makes the match TONIGHT mean more.

Four amateur wrestlers and a technical wrestler. A match of true athleticism and skill. Yet WWE still finds a way to turn it into a double-team, triple-team, punch and kick match that Mae Young and Moolah could have done. Stupid, stupid booking.

Match 6: Triple H vs Scott Steiner

F*** Triple H. F*** Evolution. THE WORLD TITLE IS A SINGLES TITLE. SINGLES. ONE ON ONE. NOT FOUR ON ONE. It’s getting old now, and Triple H doesn’t have the right to suck all the heat out of Orton and Batista for his own benefit. He doesn’t have the right to hold the title. He doesn’t have the right to destroy everyone, every time, and get more tv time than anyone else in WWE. TRIPLE H DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO BREATHE, and if you try to say something about Steiner using steroids…HOW DO YOU THINK TRIPLE H’S QUAD TORE SO DAMN EASY?

Match 7: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Eric Bischoff

Minor, minor complaints: Bischoff’s karate skills are well-documented. Stone Cold should have sold them JUST A LITTLE. I’m not saying that Bischoff should have gotten in any real offense, but Stone Cold should not have completely and totally no-sold Bischoff’s attempt at martial arts. Also, Bischoff is not a wrestler. Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler (now, not 20 years ago), and Ric Flair (see Lawler, but 10 years) are NOT DAMNED WRESTLERS. Why would Austin’s big, massive return match be against a NON-WRESTLER? I guess these sorts of gimmick matches never get old to the WWE creative team.

Match 8: Hulk Hogan vs The Rock

Most of you know how I feel already. I won’t go and say all the things I want to say, because it was only 20 minutes ago that I finally stopped shaking. Let me tell you, when Hogan wrestles…I go into full-on mark mode. I jump up and down, I scream, and I cheer Hogan until the end. This match, like so many others tonight, ended on a gimmick. This one was far worse than the others, though. The credibility of the main event was lost, just to build heat for some other match. This was a PAY PER VIEW MAIN EVENT. The PPV main events should be the 12 biggest matches of the year, and these 12 MATCHES SHOULD NOT BE TARNISHED BY INTERFERENCE, DQ’S OR GIMMICK ENDINGS!!!

The gimmick used was another mistake. Vince McMahon deserves to be shot in the damn head for going there. I was begging to see the Montreal fans all start jumping the barricade and beating the absolute hell out of him. Kayfabe or not, Vince went somewhere tonight where he should have never went. Tonight’s main event has made me hate the entire WWE empire. Hogan and the Rock should have never agreed to participate in such an angle. Gee, so it sets up a match at WM XIX between Hulk and VINCE. As I already said, VINCE IS NOT A DAMNED WRESTLER and PPV MAIN EVENTS SHOULD NOT END ON GIMMICKS.

I could go on for hours about this match, but that is all I will say. Beyond what I’ve said, I will add that Vince McMahon was a genius at one point. He knew the public. He knew our likes, dislikes, and attitudes. He knew what the fans wanted.

Vincent Kennedy McMahon, you have lost touch with the fans. As long as you continue down this path, your ratings will remain the same, and eventually sink even lower. You need to find a path back into the spotlight, and the only way to do so is to listen to the fans, marks and smarks alike. After all, without us…there is no WWE.

E-mail: alanpugh@sbcglobal.net

Keep your shoulders off the mat, and keep reaching for the ropes…

Transmission complete

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