I complain a lot. That’s just what I do. I mean, after all, my first column WAS entitled Radio Rants. But, rather than continually being disillusioned with the program that used to be so important that I’d call in sick to watch it…I am going to compliment Raw tonight. I’m going to do my best, and find one positive thing in every segment. I’m conflicted, as they say, but this may save me from a life of angry smarkdom. On with the show…

Parking Garage/Three Minute Warning: Rosey and Jamal are very big men, and they can move around the ring pretty quickly. Having them as Bischoff’s henchmen is a good idea, but we all know just how stiff and careless the two are in the ring. The Island Boys have been responsible for a lot of injuries in their short careers. Tonight, however, they were utilized in an effective way that did not break anyone’s ribs.

Booker T/Triple H Segment: Of this 12 minute segment, Booker was actually able to get a minute and 30 seconds of mic time. Triple H’s long, drawn-out, heatless segment aside…Booker’s few lines helped prove that he is championship material. It was enjoyable to see him getting the big push, even if Trips did come out and do his usual “bury the wrestler verbally so I still look better” spiel that he does every time he’s about to defend his title.

Jeff Hardy vs Christian: This was a great match. The Jeff Hardy critics need to stand back and look at the past 6 weeks. He has ‘it’ again. The pace of this match was great, very fast and very steady. Jeff didn’t blow any spots, though it did seem Christian blew one while bouncing Jeff off the rope. The ring technique by both was quite entertaining, and this match was a great way to start Raw.

Bischoff/Storm/Morley Segment: Well, at least they’re building Austin’s return to be huge…and selling Bischoff’s fear of Austin.

Morley vs Spike: Decent selling by both talents, and an excellent ring presence against all odds by the little guy, Spike Dudley. Considering the mismatch, not bad ringwork.

Jericho/Christian/Bischoff Segment: OK, it’s getting ridiculous now. Really, REALLY hyping Austin’s return? That’s good, still, right?

Trish and Jackie vs Victoria and Jazz: My fiancé likes Victoria’s theme song…OK, this positive thing isn’t as easy as I thought it was…but the theme song IS a part of the match. For a women’s match, the ringwork could have been much worse…that’s a compliment.

Rock/Hurricane Segment: Oh, the tears from laughing at these two! Segment of the night! For those of you who never seen it coming, here it is: The Rock entertained me. You probably won’t hear me say it again. Between him and Hurricane, this was a perfect segment…and I hope it goes somewhere. Hurricane is OVER.

Jericho/Test Segment: Establishing a cross-promotional storyline with Girls Gone Wild, Bischoff has brought more than just himself to WWE. For those who don’t know, Bischoff is heavily involved with Girls Gone Wild, and it was his work in cross-promoting the two. The angle is working quite well, and has turned into a dramatic and entertaining new opportunity for Test and Stacy.

Jericho vs Test: This match does even more to build heel heat for Jericho. It furthers the Stacy/Test/Jericho feud…it furthers the HBK/Jericho feud leading into WrestleMania…this match was an example of well-planned booking on Raw.

Goldust Segment: This is where it ends. Nothing positive can be said of this gimmick for Goldust. If wrestling is supposed to entertain, how can we be entertained by someone suffering from Tourette’s syndrome? Are we supposed to point and laugh like heartless bastards? Are we supposed to feel bad for him, and be depressed by the show? Are we supposed to be annoyed by it and boo him? None of the above answers work for me. I don’t like it, and I can’t like it.

Nowinski/Dudley Boyz Segment: Focusing on a major storyline (the Dudleyz suspension), this well-booked segment added fuel to the fire, while giving Nowinski someone else to insult in his very effective Harvard heel promos. This short segment opens up multiple storyline possibilities, short term and long term, for the Dudleys, Bischoff, Morley, and Nowinski. Great overall segment. I can’t see how Maven beat this guy. On a totally unrelated subject…I want to see that guy from TE3 do his standing shooting star press!

Steiner vs Booker T: So who’s better, Triple H or Scott Steiner? They’re both injury prone and past their prime, right? They blow up five minutes in? Well, Steiner sells right and jobs effectively, putting his opponent over better. Advantage: Scotty. Booker and Steiner put on an old WCW-style match. The feel was very Nitro-ish, and that is a good thing. WWE doesn’t realize how many of us fans out there miss the old WCW in-ring style. The kick-punch cliché WWE matches aren’t all that entertaining to those of us who watched WCW loyally for all those years, and Booker and Steiner really turned it up a notch last night on giving the WCW fans what they miss so much.

Rock/Bischoff Segment: Bischoff has been in a never-ending struggle to do things right for his top heels, and this gimmick works for him. He played the heel manager shill in WCW, but was very effective there. Seeing him struggling in the same role in WWE is an entertaining gimmick. Once again, he fails tonight, and is left scrambling to fix things for the Rock. The Rock, though, was taking the high road against Austin…being brave and eliminating the “welcoming committee.” This was a face-ish move by the newly heel Rock. It seems he’s trying to be a tweener, but the Rock is too big to play the tweener. His turn needs to be all or nothing, and he needs to be full heel.

RVD and Kane vs Dreamer and Snow: I’m not sure of the reason for this match, but it was very entertaining. It may not have furthered any storylines, but it was very enjoyable to watch…and for me, that’s more than good enough.

Austin/Rock/Bischoff Segment: This segment was highly entertaining, furthered a storyline, built steam for the PPV match, and built huge heat for the Austin/Rock feud. Well put together, and the post-TV segments were just as good, from what I have heard. Great stuff by Raw tonight.

It felt great to be positive about a decent show tonight, and I had mark moments of my own during segments where I’d usually be paying attention to something other than the tv. Being a happy smark is possible, after all…as long as you don’t make the mistake of focusing on the negative! I’m looking forward to really enjoying SmackDown this week…but before too long, I’ll have something else to bitch about. Worry not. J

AS A REMINDER, I’LL BE BROADCASTING LIVE DURING WRESTLEMANIA XIX, AND IT’S FREE… http://www.fancast.com !!!


Credits:
Alan Edwards, Alan Edwards, and Alan Edwards. alanpugh@sbcglobal.net to get in touch. As always, keep your shoulders off the mat, and keep reaching for the ropes…transmission complete…

*static*