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April 04, 2002 Alan Edwards All the money and sex that comes from being a net journalist finally finds me, and I get the heavily-sought job of Heat Recapper. I thought my life was complete, and that I was all set. Damn DirecTV. Damn them all! I missed Heat. I didn't even see my own SHOW! I feel like Goldberg, sittin' in my posh luxury suite here in Motel 2 (a third of the value of Motel 6, but they have free day-old orange juice in the morning), not really earning the fame and notoriety I'm receiving. Then I realize that I'm really not all that famous or rich. But at least the sex is good. Ummm...yeah...I'm lying about that too. THE WEEK OF THE DRAFT!!!!!!!!!! Everyone went into Raw going crazy about the draft, excited to see the last week of programming with all the superstars travelling together. The best night in the history of Sports Craptainment? Nope, and let me tell you why. Millions and millions of dollars can be budgeted for pyros, and hundreds of jobs are filled throughout Titan. However, they can't pay some statistician of some sort 10 bucks an hour to figure out things like this...All those Penn Staters that attended Raw, to see the Crock and all the others being drafted to SmackDown, DON'T EVEN HAVE A FREAKIN' UPN AFFILIATE! These people had to sit through half of Raw finding out which of their favorite superstars were about to disappear from WWF programming as they know it. And they had to pay for this honor!!! Everyone in Stamford thought it was so great to bring their fare to prime-time broadcast television. Did any of them ever stop to think that there might be fans in the half of the country that DOESN'T carry the Universally Poor Network? What about the 48% that have to watch SmackDown through the blizzard of interference due to the low-quality antennae utilized by UPN? Do the 500 people who can actually watch the show really buy enough merchandise to make up for everyone else's lack of a second quality wrestling show? I mean, besides Heat??! The main focus of my column this week was going to be on where certain wrestlers ended up, but when I get mad, it gushes from the cockles of my heart...or maybe below the cockles, like the liver, or kidney, or colon...I don't know. I just know that the World Wrestling Federation must either simulcast SmackDown on a cable channel, or replay it later that night on a cable channel...anything to help the majority of the nation view the new top WWF show. Top WWF show you ask? Isn't Raw still tops? Ummm...nope. Take a look at the roster. Underseller. NeedsAKane. Big Daddy Bitch. Yes, Crocky and Scotty Not Hotty are on SmackDown, but so are the cruisers. The entire Canadian roster, minus some Stratusfaction, belongs to SD as well. Benoit, Edge, Christian, Jericho, Storm, etc...we should be seeing some decent technical matches for a change. Some hypothesize that Flair's Raw will be sports craptainment-based, and McMahon's SD shall be a wrestling-themed program, God forbid. If this be the case, I'll have half as much to bitch about... But make no mistake, I'm still pissed. And until next week, I'll be brewing up another Radio Rants. Check back next Monday for Turn Up The Radio, the best damn Heat recap on Da Net! And I better be receiving it this weekend...DirecTV, are you bastards listening? WHAT?!! | ||
