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OK, I'm not pissed. But you know what? I bet Johnny's pissed. Furthermore, I bet my coworkers are VERY pissed. I'm just getting over a bout with bronchitis, and my inbox was temporarily SHUT DOWN because it overflowed with junk mail during my 2-week hiatus. HOWEVER...unlike Mr. Steven Williams, I am back, and I'm ready to be a top-level contributor again.
But like SCSA, I'm not happy with the current direction of the company.
What??! You say it doesn't matter if I like it? WHAT??! You ask if I think I could do it better?
I'M RADIOGUY, DAMMIT!!! OF COURSE I CAN DO IT BETTER!!!
***Disclaimer: I have never fantasy booked, EVER. This won't be perfect, but it's gonna be better than the crap they're showing now.***
King of the Ring. The brackets are in. The winner gets a title shot. That damn all-important, hard to obtain gold around the waist, the one that everyone wants but one person holds (per month) will be on the line. Who's left now? Chris Jericho, Test, Brock Lesnar and Rob Van Dam are the finalists according to trusty kingofthering.wwe.com, and my choice is anyone but Test. However, I'll save my more in-depth focus on the actual tournament for the end of this Radio Rant. Let's start with the Women's Title. Trish needs to win, to retain the title...and to destroy Molly at this PPV. This needs to end the feud for now...and who comes out but the two Tough Enough 2 girls to ruin Trish's celebration? They jump into the ring, attack Trish, and within mere moments we see Stacy come to Trish's aid. They regain advantage, Stacy begins to leave...and Trish grabs the mic... "What the hell was that all about?" Trish asks. Stacy tells her that she can't believe that she had fallen into the "Vince McMahon trap" and instead of helping her career, it has been stalling it. The best way she could find to kick it back into high gear was to join forces with the number one diva in WWE, Trish Stratus. Tonight, she found her opportunity, and the girls of the WWE need to stick together...and to not let the Tough Enough girls take their spots. Trish said any rookie that thinks she could be a diva like herself or Stacy is only fooling herself, but if they wanted to try...they get 100 percent Stratusfaction, guaranteed. They shake hands and head to the back.
This feud would grow within a couple of weeks to contain Nidia on the heel side, and Torrie on the face team. When Lita returns at her first PPV, she could attack the faces, but not align with the TE girls. The Hardyz "extreme" gimmick of late could apply to her reason for starting a title feud with Trish, while the others continued the faction feud to elevate the Women's division to the next level.
The cruiserweight match is a no-brainer. Hurricane should be shown arriving at the venue on the Hurricycle, very happy and excited. In his interview with Coach, he should note that "though my Hurri-senses tell me trouble lies near, my title is safe and I have no fear...Knoble may believe he fooled me, and it's true...But tonight, does the Hurricane have a surprise for you!"
An entertaining cruiser match ensues, and the inevitable comes to light. After high-flying, high-risk action, Knoble resorts to foreign object tactics to win. From nowhere at all, in a flash, a masked Rey Misterio, Jr. hits the ring and whips Knoble into the turnbuckle, follows through with a move that sets him up for the Bronco Buster. Rey Rey raises his arms to the crowd, then disappears into the crowd, as Hurricane hits his finisher in the ring for the victory. This sets up the feud between Helms and his stalker nicely, with plenty of room for expansion on SmackDown later in the week.
Ric Flair is still sort of over, but to put him over Eddy would be plain wrong. Eddy needs to put on a great match with Flair, go over with the frogsplash after selling the hell out of a figure four for a while, then make the big turn. The people demand the 4 Horsemen. Ric grabs the mic and congratulates Eddy on a great match, and apologizes for the Austin situation. Eddy says that he knows it's not only Flair's fault, but Flair must understand his anger...after all, if others had behaved in Austin's fashion in years past, Flair may not have had those 16 titles. Benoit's music hits, and the Crippler says from the ramp that Flair is a legend of this sport, and they respect him. Their anger stems from Austin's disappearance, but also from Flair's reluctance to showcase them when he owned the Raw brand. He asks if they are 4 Horsemen quality, and starts to walk to the ring, tension brewing. He repeats the quality question in Ric's face, and familiar music hits. Randy Orton and Leviathan walk out with Arn Anderson and walk to the ring to join the others. Arn asks Flair how he's been, and Flair finally cracks one of his richest smiles and says he's never been better. Arn points out the tension and asks how he could be so happy, and Flair says there is no tension, there is plenty to smile about. Not only is he still a limousine ridin' jet plane flyin' son of a gun, but he has held the title 16 times. He belonged to the most prestigious group in wrestling, and that's the best feeling in the world. Arn agrees that having been a Horseman was great, but those days have passed. Though they may still be living the dream, they aren't as hungry as some of the others. Flair and Double A, Arn says, may be legendary. However, the Horseman name is more than both of them...it is the definition of respect. Those surrounding us in the ring, he adds, are the hungry ones. They are the killers, the talents, the ones who will be champions soon and legends forever. Flair says that is exactly why he is happy...four reasons. Latino Heat, the Canadian Crippler, the third generation Randy Orton, and the massive destroyer Leviathan are those four reasons, and they make him happy because yes, they are Horseman material. They have 24 hours to decide if they want to join the muscles, the mind, the technical skills, and the mouths to reform the top faction in the history of the sport tomorrow on Raw. The consensus, of course, is yes. The Horsemen, for now, would be a face group to regain popularity with the fans.
Hogan versus Angle is a tougher call, but the win should go to Angle after a long, intense struggle. No interference, no weapons, no cheating. Hogan should hit the leg drop and be totally ready to win, but Angle gets the ropes somehow. When Hogan is hulking up, Angle should trade punches with Hogan (as usual with hulking up) then eye gouge and hit the Angle Slam, then whip into the turnbuckle. Hogan gets the leg up to kick Angle coming in for the turnbuckle clothesline, and Hogan goes to the top. Angle recovers and goes to the top as well, and hits the Angle Slam from the top rope and puts on the Ankle Lock for the submission victory. This should effectively end this feud without destroying Angle's image.
The title match is crap. Undertaker should retain just because he's only had the title a month, and he's about to lose it to someone better in my eyes. Undertaker retains via huge Last Ride.
OK folks, here it is. The match to determine the King of the Ring in 2002. A lot of people would love to see RVD, a lot of people would hate to see Y2J. Myself? I don't want either to win. Brock Lesnar, the next big thing, faces RVD in the final match and it goes for 20 minutes, RVD going back to his wild, crazy style from the ECW days instead of his 5 cliché moves he does now. Of course, he should hit some of those spots too, just not ONLY those spots. Brock hits the F-5 for the victory after a grueling display of true wrestling ability, and King calls it "somewhere between F-7 or F-8 if that exists." JR insults King in typical fashion.
Brock goes on to beat UT at the next PPV to become champion and begin an 8-month path of destruction. He becomes even more heelish with Heyman, and WWE puts a lot of time and effort into centering the company around his title reign, RVD's big 2 or 3 month feud with him, the cruiserweights heating up, Booker T becoming a top face and Rhyno becoming a top heel when he returns.
This is not predictions, because I know better. I'd really like to see it go down this way, though, and I think the ratings would spike with Lesnar as champ, RVD as number one contender, the Women's and Cruiser divisions on fire, and big name factions running around causing trouble. Agree or not? Let me know...e-mail the great RadioGuy at alanpugh43130@hotmail.com and fill me in on YOUR thoughts. Don't forget to watch the PPV (at a friend's house, or BW3's, or any other place you can save the 30 bucks...) and check back often for the latest top-notch journalism straight from the folks here at SmarkTown. This is RadioGuy, signing off...
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