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The Ratings! The Ratings! Oh My, Are They Low!
OK, it's time for a rant. I've been away awhile, and the ratings are low...they are lower than the sag of Terri's chest. The headlines say they are the lowest ratings ever. It's not as bad as you think, though. WWE flagship programs Raw and SmackDown are still among the top-rated programs in their timeslots and on their networks. However, everyone wonders how long the slump will last. Everyone wonders what will work to get the company back to the old numbers. Everyone should know that *I* have the answers.
I'm proudly an old WCW mark. There are alot of wrestlers in WWE that have been misused since the Invasion. There are alot of former wrestlers who have so much star power, but they don't fit WWE's "style." There are so many overrated wrestlers in the main-event scene and on the flagship programs that are NOT bringing the numbers that others could. I could never go through all of it, but here are some random talents that should either be buried, released, pushed, or contracted.
BURIED
Triple H. It's been said a million times, by a million people, but apparently screwing Steph has alot more benefits than one might imagine. By screwing Steph, Triple H is screwing you and I by association. He is a worthless pile of steriod-enhanced crap. He discovered a wonderful way to blow up those muscles. Now, all he needs to do is find a drug that leads to increased wrestling ability and more charisma. Obviously, these are his weak points. He gets in the ring and rambles, and rambles, and rambles...and in his matches, he punches, and kicks, and clotheslines... It's frustrating watching such a boring main event week after painful week. He is not entertaining the fans, and he needs to be buried down to undercard and humiliated.
RELEASED
Jim Ross. Who said it was just about the wrestlers? Obviously not. Who has the most mic time on WWE programming? Director of Talent Relations and Mark for Himself, good ol' Boomer Sooner JR. If I had a dollar for every time I've heard him call a side salto a sidewalk slam, and call a sidewalk slam an "unorthodox" move by Booker T...I'd have enough money to buy a Spinaroonie T-Shirt. He spends half his time behind the announce table babbling about last week's show, a third of it talking about football, a quarter of it using his catchphrases ("beaten like a government mule, slobberknocker, my god, this must be stopped, etc etc etc) and the rest, sometimes, maybe, casually referring to the fact that there is a MATCH going in right in front of him. *note: I know half, third, and quarter make more than 100%. I just don't care.* He is annoying, boring, repetitive, out of touch, and KILLING the interest in the show. I loved it when Heyman was around to make it interesting, but King and JR cannot put on a decent show anymore.
PUSHED
Raven. Tommy Dreamer. Kidman. Saturn. Three were in the Flock, three are cruisers, three are former ECW guys, all four have held gold, and all four have been over with the fans and could be again. It's all about the storylines and the WRESTLING. Raven needs to go back to his cryptic "nevermore" promos and even the "What about me? What about Raven?" in-ring segments. Kidman needs to bring back the Shooting Star Press and work a lot faster, a la WCW days gone by. Dreamer needs to become the awesome badass that he used to portray, ECW-style. Saturn needs to be Saturn again. Stiff matches, strange behavior, and "You're welcome." These guys present a million storyline opportunities.
CONTRACTED
Juventud Guerrera put on lightning matches, cut hilarious promos, got the crowd WAY into his matches, had an excellent ring entrance, and had the best charisma of any cruiserweight I've seen. Konnan was so far over with the WCW crowd that he had the loudest pops at every live event I attended during the WCW days, and was very talented in the ring as well. Ernest Miller was a great mic man who should be assisting Eric Bischoff on Raw/Nitro, his mic skills were way over with the crowd and he was one of the only reasons to tune into the programs toward the end. Goldberg (yes, that Goldberg) was electric during his streak, and the only reason he lost that steam was storyline, plain and simple...and though he superkicked Bret, years have passed and the marks want to see it...and the marks make the ratings, not the smarks. Scott Steiner is a certified badass who makes everything on-screen come across as a worked shoot angle, he wrestles flawlessly and gushes with ruthless agression. Storylines, wrestling ability, mic work, fan favorites and favorite heels, and the key to ratings improvements.
In summary, there are a thousand other changes I'd make. It's really THAT bad, in my humble opinion. There are alot of good wrestlers and good angles right now, especially on SD, and it's great to have Easy E back. However, there are alot more opportunities to get rid of the other stuff that is causing the general public to watch whatever else is on Monday and Thursday night. I wouldn't know, but millions of others know, because they sure as hell aren't watching WWE. In my next rant, I may just go over some storyline possibilities I've been brewing in my head. Or I might bash Triple H some more, I have plenty of heat for him. Who knows? Not I...but check back for the next Rant! Comments: alanpugh43130@hotmail.com anytime!
*static*
