First off, the Rock must be contractually obligated to hang around for more than 25 seconds this time. I don’t care what stereotyped tan complected character has to save the world next, that little segment the Rock cut about being loyal holds true. Mr. Eyebrow said himself that if you aren’t totally devoted to the WWE product, get the F out. Well, Rock, it’s time to put up or shut up. I’ve hated you since I first watched you…but you haven’t been around lately. And I miss hating you. You need to come back so I can hate you more. And so the marks can love you more. And so Vince can continue to put out such an original, competitive product.

Competitive with the Food Network, at least.

Stone Cold, Stone Cold, Stone Cold…the subject of my very first ever Radio Rant. We’ve come a long way since then. OK, honestly, neither of us have done jack shit since then, but that’s why we’re here, isn’t it? You walked out twice, you complained about storylines, you ruined the angle which would have otherwise lead to the brand extension, and you left at a time when the company was depending on you to carry the product. Come back and just do what you do. I have a special message for WWE: WHAT??! Thank you. Now, upon returning, Stone Cold needs to pick right up where his old gimmick left off. It’s not cliché, out of date, overdone, or washed up. Stone Cold is still over. He needs to come back as a huge face, and he needs to totally dominate. He needs to destroy some people and get the recognition that being a main eventer warrants. However, he should not have creative control of his own character. Hogan and Nash have proven it in the past, and HHH continues to prove it today. Leave the booking to the bookers, and let the wrestlers wrestle.

Kurt Turns, Heyman Becomes Annoying
Lesnar won’t get his rematch because Heyman now represents Kurt Angle AND Big Show. What the hell is that? Kurt’s pops were damn near as big as Lesnar’s, and they TURN HIM?? And they use HEYMAN TO DO IT? Now this is just too damn annoying. I appreciate Heyman’s booking and producing skills, and I also appreciate his mic skills. I don’t appreciate his overexposure, though. A manager is used to assist a wrestler in getting over with the audience, particularly as a heel worker through the manager’s mic skills and interference. However, what we have now is a storyline centering around a manager, and Heyman is using Angle and Big Show to get over as a top heel force. This is completely the opposite of the intended effect, and a trend that I really don’t look forward to watching on SmackDown.

First off, Angle vs Lesnar should be billed as face vs face, something in the terms of Hogan vs Ultimate Warrior. This is just common sense. Mr. Olympic Hero vs Mr. NCAA Champ. Angle should hold the title to give it some meaning, as Brock began to do, and they should tear the roof off of WrestleMania X9. It should be Angle and Lesnar helping each other and teaming up, gaining respect for each other and becoming comrades in the eyes of the audience. This would lead to a matchup conceived in respect for each other, and should add to the meaning of the match and the meaning of the title.

Furthermore, Heyman should be buried. No, it’s not too late to fix this storyline. Angle wrestles under this Paul Heyman regime for awhile, then at the right moment, he turns on his agent and his co-client to join Brock. Show and Heyman would be destroyed by the new combined forces of the two biggest faces in WWE. This angle would put Angle and Lesnar both over more than ever, and would demonstrate good triumphing over evil. Vince himself noted that the audience wants clear cut, good vs evil wrestling right now. If he believes in his own industry image, he should have known better than double-turning Kurt when the first turn was so wildly instantly successful. If SmackDown needed a swerve, they chose the wrong angle. This, however, is a perfect opportunity to fix the mistake that has been made.

Credits:
Alan Edwards, Alan Edwards, and Alan Edwards. alanpugh@sbcglobal.net to get in touch, and if you’re female, send a pic for a quick response. If you’re male, send a pic of your sister, and that will work just as well. As always, keep your shoulders off the mat, and keep reaching for the ropes…transmission complete…

*static*

That's better.