During this past week’s live SmackDown, a promo containing these words was shown, teasing the Undertaker’s return at this month’s PPV event. The video showed clips of Taker in his Darkness gimmick from the past. There is no official word on whether he shall return as Dead Man or Biker Dude at this point, but it seems quite obvious that this is a tease toward a major gimmick makeover for the former Phenom. The new old gimmick would make one thing easier to explain…someone who was alive, then dead, then alive again, and now dead AGAIN, has been through quite a bit of pain, obviously. This being true, it would provide reasoning for Taker’s lack of selling abilities in the ring. After dying twice and continuing a professional wrestling career post mortem on both occasions, walking away from other superstars’ finishing moves won’t seem so unbelievable.

Also, Undertaker’s painstakingly slow movement in the ring could be attributed to his non-living status without taking anything away from his character.

Of course, one might wonder if the marks would be too smart to believe this new gimmick. One might say “They believed he was dead, then that he inexplicably came back to life with a newfound love of Harley Davidsons…how could they possibly believe that he’s dead again, and fighting again?”

Then one remembers that these fans popped for the pimp Godfather, booed the Right To Censor’s Goodfather, then popped again when he once again became a pimp. If you turn him, they will believe. ANYTHING.



Jim Ross Teases End of Ross Report
"On a personal note, I have found it to be very challenging to continue to write about the talent roster I manage. I compare it to declaring which of your children you like the best, which is unfair to the talents not mentioned in any given Report. Kinda like my late dad used to say, "Damned if you do, damned if you don't." I have never intended to slight any talent, but the mere omission of a particular talent from a Ross Report can be perceived as a negative for that individual. That was never my goal, but it seemed like the column oftentimes took on a life of its own, with many often writing about what "J.R. really was saying."

Good ol’ JR. Always there with insightful comments about his roster, always there to let the loyal fans know what has been going on behind the scenes. Good ol’ JR.

Is it over? He never really said. There are headlines all over the net stating that Ross has called it quits with this statement. As you see, he never said it was over, simply that it wasn’t fair to the entire roster and the report is very challenging for him. Some people overinterpret his words, he said. But he never said it was over. Perhaps it will be gone for awhile and come back, new and improved, or perhaps it really is gone. Regardless, nobody will really notice.

For Foley’s sake, people, it’s only the Ross Report.


Credits:
Alan Edwards, Alan Edwards, and Alan Edwards. alanpugh@sbcglobal.net to get in touch, and if you’re female, send a pic for a quick response. If you’re male, send a pic of your sister, and that will work just as well. As always, keep your shoulders off the mat, and keep reaching for the ropes…transmission complete…

*static*