The SmarkTown Weekly
January 13, 2003
Alan Edwards
Goldberg to Rock: “You’re Next!”
Rumors are running rampant these past several months about everyone from Austin to Rock to Goldberg to even Max Moon returning to WWE. The ratings are down, the hot-shot storylines are out, and Vince is looking to the past for solutions in the near future. The Rock and Austin are all but confirmed to be returning soon, to the delight of fans everywhere. However, there may be bad news as well.
Rumor has it that we are about to witness the return of Goldberg.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I marked out for the spear and jackhammer, and I felt a little bad for him when Hall gave him the taser shot, masquerading as part of the security removing Bam Bam Bigelow, and allowing Nash to pin him to end the streak at just over 170 in a row. However, it’s over now. Goldberg suffers from the five moves of doom, and the superkick is NOT one of those moves. His time out of the spotlight will make the fans take a closer look when he comes back, and nobody will buy the gimmick anymore. They won’t buy the intensity of his interviews and matches, they won’t buy his unstoppable-monster gimmick. We already have Brock for that, and if WWE is smart, they don’t want to take ANY heat away from Brock.
Not only that, but it’s quite obvious that WWE is making WCW’s mistakes of years past. Goldberg wants to work something like 2 shows for some out-of-this world price. Maybe Bill could get a million out of Turner for this, but Vinnie Mac should know better. You spend years creating the ideal locker room camaraderie, the perfect balance of pay rate, work rate, and push for each individual wrestler to avoid playing favorites. You survive because your locker room is happy.
Then, you pay some guy a million bucks for two PPV’s, don’t make him work house shows, and have him go over one of your company’s biggest stars with virtually no buildup, and the entire world comes to an end for the McMahon dynasty.
Mark my words, Mr. McMahon. You seen how Turner’s empire fell. Goldberg may want to tell Dwayne Johnson that he’s next…but if you sign this man, YOU’RE NEXT.
Royal Rumble Rambling
OK, the fans’ attention spans are shortening. This may be part of the reason the ratings are so low, right? The Royal Rumble main event, generally better known as the “Pay-Per-View Clusterf**k,” is always guaranteed to last an hour with a new participant every 2 minutes. To remedy this situation, the new rule calls for a new competitor to enter the ring every single minute, cutting the minimum time in half. This should make the event much more exciting, and much more of a clusterf**k, than ever before.
The predictions for this year’s event vary. The finalized Royal Rumble Predictions for this month will be available on JKyle.com by Saturday night, and you’re invited to view them by clicking here beginning the night before the PPV. However, for loyal, devoted JKyle readers, I bring you my extended SmackDown main event scene predictions beginning with Rumble!
Big Show beats Brock, Big Show wins Royal Rumble for shot at Angle at WrestleMania.
Lesnar beats Big Show at No Way Out rematch to regain number one contendership, and shot at Angle for WrestleMania.
Around this time, Angle also makes a face turn, setting up Angle vs Lesnar at Wrestlemania as Face vs Face.
Lesnar wins the title at WrestleMania in an epic battle, and the brand extension ends soon after.
Lesnar begins feud with Batista, Angle begins feud with Orton. Lesnar/Angle team to battle against the newly formed Four Horsemen (Batista, Orton, Triple H, and Flair)
Yeah, it’s out there…but we’re talking WWE here. Don’t forget to stop back and check out the PREDICTIONS!!!
Credits:
Alan Edwards, Alan Edwards, and Alan Edwards. alanpugh@sbcglobal.net to get in touch, and if you’re female, send a pic for a quick response. If you’re male, send a pic of your sister, and that will work just as well. As always, keep your shoulders off the mat, and keep reaching for the ropes…transmission complete…
*static*
