But first, let me simply state that Bob Holly is a steaming pile of cow dung. What, Bob, upset that Crash is the more talented Holly? Crash is no Molly. You can go to Hell, Bob Holly. I hope you get put in a feud with Brock Lesnar and try that shit with him. I really hope you do.

Now, on with the show…

Stepmother vs Stepdaughter: Torrie Wilson vs Dawn Marie

Alan: Oh, God, who cares??! This is slightly less exciting than the WWF/E board on Bolt.com, and that says A LOT. Dawn has been getting over in almost every segment for a couple months now, so I’m guessing it’s time for this feud to come to and end. Torrie needs to insure that she doesn’t lose any heat, and cannot afford to job to Dawn this time. Winner: Torrie Wilson

Tabie: Dawn Marie is a bitch in need of a beating. Torrie is definitely set to be the one to deliver the beating, and this is why. Throughout this whole angle, Dawn Marie has buried her. Dawn seduced her father, seduced her, lied to her and married her father, then basically fucked her father to death. To top it all off, Dawn slapped Torrie across the face at her own father’s funeral. It’s been going on for way too long, and tonight is Torrie’s night to end it. Winner: Torrie Wilson

Derek: Wow, watch the buyrates shoot through the roof now. We've got Dawn and Torrie, two people whom I only care about for their assets, wasting my money at one of the biggest WWE PPVs. Dawn's a bitch in character, Torrie has the personality of a telephone pole. WWE logic says that the personality wins. Fortunately, I don't have WWE logic or I'd be investing in the stock market right now. Winner: Torrie Wilson

Dawn Marie, because you all say otherwise. God Raw X sucked.

Winner Enters the Royal Rumble: BROCK LesNAR vs Big Show

Alan: As much as I turn into a silly mark when I see BROCK, I have so little faith in WWE doing the right thing that I took liberties to predict this feud clear through the aftermath of WrestleMania. It was an interesting read, but I’m not doing it again. Angle, Heyman, or Albert will interfere somehow, sending Big Show to the Royal Rumble and making true fans around the world hang themselves in shame. I mean their heads, hang their heads in shame. Winner: Big Show

Tabie: Big Slow is an ass, period. (Alan’s Note: So is Rikishi, but you mark for him) Lesnar hasn’t gotten the victory over him yet after suffering the squash/face turn/title loss two months ago. Lesnar has Big Show’s number this time, and I see him ripping the giant apart and moving on to the Rumble. Winner: BROCK LesNAR

Derek: We've got the next Big Thing…and the Useless Big Thing. BS (how appropriate) has been pushed as fodder. Lesnar has been pushed as the future. I wouldn't be surprised if Show won, then won the Rumble leading to a BROCK/Show match AGAIN next month. That would be typical WWE booking. However, I think you have to go with the fans here. Lesnar/Angle at WM19. Winner: BROCK Lesnar

BROCK. Blow Show out your ass Steph.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Dudley Boyz vs Storm/Regal ©

Alan: An 8-on-2 assault on one of the most dominant tag teams in WWE history without payback? Riiiight…Here’s what I seen. I seen Booker and Goldust about to get pushed at Tag Team champs, but losing the titles back to Regal and Storm before they could even get started. There seemed to be an urgency to get the titles back on the heels and pretend the change was just in our imaginations. Rumor has it that Bischoff took over some creative duties on that particular night, and if that’s the case, it explains the quick change of pace. The Dudleyz have been getting crushed, and now will get their revenge and become the huge babyface tag champs. Even VINCE told them to get the tables. Winners: The Dudley Boyz

Tabie: The Dudleyz have taken some serious shit from Bischoff and his crew lately. They’re pissed off, and they aren’t going to take it anymore. The Dudleyz are back together, and it’s time for them to have another title reign. Like Vince said, I see someone going through a table. Winners: The Dudley Boyz

Derek: In this match we have "D-von, get the tables!" and "Lance, dump Regal!" The Commonwealth Connection was made to be J.R and the King's bitches a couple weeks ago. The Dudleyz were made Bischoff's bitches two weeks ago. That's about as even as it gets. As much as I'd rather see the Dudleyz with the title, I smell Bischoff-ference. Winners: Regal/Storm

Regal/Storm. Gee, what happened to Booker T and Goldust. You know, the ONE FUCKING RAW TAG TEAM THAT'S OVER? And don't give me this Dudley shit, they were old hat before InVasion.

Raw Championship Match: Triple H © vs Scott Steiner

Alan: zzz zzz zzz…Oh, oh, a prediction? HHH has been doing damage control over the last few weeks. Just as he always does, he totally dominated the person about to take his title. It was game after game with HHH always looking like the victor and getting all the heat. HHH squashed Steiner repeatedly without even stepping into the ring with him. Now, since HHH has insured that he’ll STILL look better than Steiner even after dropping the title, HHH is satisfied. Time to let someone else keep the gold warm for him. Winner: Scott Steiner

Tabie: While I feel that there are changes about in WWE, and that someone may come down to help HHH, I think it might finally be over for awhile. I don’t see HHH retaining. He’s been sitting up there on his high horse too long, playing games with Steiner and hogging the spotlight. Steiner will be the one to knock him off, interference or not. Winner: Scott Steiner

Derek: Crap…that's what this match is. The buildup. The two men. Everything. Crap. Steiner blows up in his shortest matches. HHH just blows (take that however you will). I can't see Trips doing a win (RVD), lose (Elimination Chamber), win (HBK), lose (Steiner) format these last four months. After all, they need a match to "headline" next month and Hunter is just fresh out of opponents. Winner: HHH Losers: Raw viewers

You kids amuse me. HHH, LOSE A MATCH? ON PPV? He beat AUSTIN on PPV. HHH wins, because he's HHH and that's never gonna change. Neither is the fact that Steiner will fall apart long before Hunter.

SmackDown Championship Match: Kurt Angle © vs Chris Benoit

Alan: I would be more than a little surprised if Benoit got anywhere with this match. It’s just an opportunity to put Angle over someone who never gets to pick up much steam. Every time Benoit gets a little heat built up, they squash him. I don’t see this as an exception. With the ratings low and the title switching hands monthly again, their best choice is to keep the title on Angle until he faces Lesnar at WrestleMania. Hot-shotting the title is not a good idea, but putting Benoit in this event may take his heat away…and that’s not a good idea either. Either way, it should still be a decent match, and the highlight of the night. Winner: Kurt Angle

Tabie: I would like to see Benoit’s Toothless Aggression finally pay off, because Kurt really does suck. Unfortunately, WWE wouldn’t possibly make that kind of decision. Kurt won’t be able to win by himself, though. I see Team Angle interfering more than just a little, and it looks as if Angle will retain the title. Winner: Kurt Angle

Derek: Angle's headlining WrestleMania for SmackDown vs. Lesnar. Everyone and their dog knows that. There's still a month to go in between. I'm not a fan of switching titles every month, although either of these two would be a very good champion. Angle's got Team Angle in the picture. Benoit's got Edge. This one is coming down to a coin-flip. Winner: Benoit

Angle. Benoit's like three minutes (did someone say build someone up for 6 months and then job them to Hell?) from having to feud with Show or job to Edge (he with the INVINCIBLE shoulder).

THE MAIN EVENT: THE ROYAL RUMBLE

Alan: Duly noted by the others, Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho have made an impression on the Raw side of things. However, Michaels just dropped the title, so it would be pathetically redundant if he won to challenge for it again. Chris Jericho is deserving enough, but WWE would be wrong to put him up against Steiner or HHH. Jericho isn’t going to be able to convincingly face either of these men unless they spend at least half a year building him up, so it’s not his time. The only thing I can see is Big Show going over, setting up a Big Show/Lesnar rematch at No Way Out next month. This gives WWE a way to put off Lesnar/Angle until WrestleMania, and gives Lesnar the chance to FINALLY go over Big Show in a big way. Winner: Big Show

Tabie: I envision Y2J, HBK, and Lesnar being the last three in the ring. The first two entrants and the Next Big Thing would make one hell of a finish. Jericho winning the Rumble over these two would help get him over as a real contender, and build him up real nice to face the champ at WrestleMania. I see Chris Jericho’s push getting renewed consideration at Royal Rumble. Winner: Chris Jericho

Derek: There's only a handful of people who could win, making everyone else simply showing up and cashing in on the paycheck. On SmackDown, it's either Big Show or Lesnar. On RAW, the unlikely foursome of Michaels, RVD, Booker T and Jericho. No one cares about RAW. Everyone cares about Angle/Lesnar at Wrestlemania. Winner: Lesnar.

Alan's idea makes too much sense. Tabbie's idea... which Jericho are YOU talking about? Oh, that one. Him? Win a match on PPV?Are you high? Derek's probably closest, and even though it makes too much sense I'll have to say BROCK too. Not like it matters because Rock or Austin's return will probably shove him down to squashing Jericho at Wrestlemania. Everyone knows the Angle/BROCK plan and anyone who has actual faith in it must not have been paying attention for the past two years. Sure, it'll probably happen, but don't take it as a sure thing. Just don't.

So, there you have it folks. A lot of different opinions this month, and notice nobody cares about or even mentions Undertaker? He may make an impact, I’m sure, but Taker will never have the impact he did 8 years ago. Austin and Rock aren’t expected either, so one of the big four PPV’s of the year will go by with very little fanfare. Don’t look for this to have any can’t-miss moments. However, you can be sure we’ll be there, getting the scoop for the loyal JKyle.com readers. Until next time, keep your shoulders off the mat, and keep reaching for the ropes…transmission complete…

PREDICTIONS!!!


Credits:
Alan Edwards, Alan Edwards, and Alan Edwards. alanpugh@sbcglobal.net to get in touch, and if you’re female, send a pic for a quick response. If you’re male, send a pic of your sister, and that will work just as well. As always, keep your shoulders off the mat, and keep reaching for the ropes…transmission complete…

*static*