The SmarkTown Weekly
January 20, 2003
Alan Edwards
Undertaker Comes Back, 3 Marks Rejoice
The last person to enter last night’s Royal Rumble was Undertaker, in his return performance after a couple months off. The dead man brought his motorcycle down to ringside and completely no-sold the crowd’s lack of caring about him. The Darkness was nowhere in sight, it was Badass all the way. He entered the ring virtually unnoticed, threw a few people out so the crowd would see him, and picked a fight with BROCK LesNAR.
After no-selling a few of BROCK’s punches as BROCK sold the hell out of his, he nearly fell victim to an F5. Upon realizing that he may have to sell that, he changed his mind and escaped from the move. Undertaker then put BROCK up on his shoulder, as if setting up for the Tombstone Piledriver.
Now, what happens next is unexpected. Undertaker’s knees can’t hold up to BROCK’s 295 pounds, and the dead man’s knees buckle underneath him. He just sort of falls to his knees. Of course, everyone and their mother label it a “HUGE TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER.” Whatever…I swear his knees just buckled. Old son of a bitch.
Fortunately, BROCK recovered and pushed Taker over the top rope, winning the Royal Rumble for the chance to face the WWE Champion (currently Angle) at WrestleMania X9.
While it seems quite obvious that nobody would have cared about Undertaker’s return, JKyle.com has uncovered evidence that three marks at an undisclosed location in Texas were “quite jubilant” about the re-debut. The evidence gathered so far suggests that they may all be friends, and may have been watching a stolen satellite signal in a trailer park near Houston. Our informant tells us that upon his entrance in the ring, one mark stated, “Finally, the best wrestler in the history of wrestling is back. Tombstone someone, Dead Man!!!” Our informant, fearing for his IQ, quickly escaped this situation.
It’s a short one this week, because of yesterday’s predictions. However, you can be sure that I’ll be back next Monday with the latest and greatest in the world of WWE, right here at SMARKTOWN WEEKLY!
Credits:
Alan Edwards, Alan Edwards, and Alan Edwards. alanpugh@sbcglobal.net to get in touch, and if you’re female, send a pic for a quick response. If you’re male, send a pic of your sister, and that will work just as well. As always, keep your shoulders off the mat, and keep reaching for the ropes…transmission complete…
*static*
