    |
|---|
Y2J comes out and starts yapping on about how awesome he is. And then OF COURSE not 10 minutes into his FIRST Raw promo...Triple H comes out to HOLD HIM DOWN. He threatens Jericho, and then kills his heat as he walks out. Then as Jericho is going off RVD's music hits and they have an AWESOME exchange. If the WWE can't see how much the damn crowd loves RVD and NOT Triple H then they're fucking morons. Triple H is a face that's shoved down our throats. While RVD gets over with the fans on his own merits and ring work and Jerry Lynn. BWAhhahahahahaahaha! RVD rules.
Big Slow vs. Bubba TOUGH
This be a tables match chillen! On an off note, I'm
sick of seeing fat guys get chicks like Trish Stratus.
When I was a chubby little fuck I NEVER got anywhere
NEAR a girl like Trish! Its shit like that that makes
the WWE a FANTASY LEAGUE. Anyways, said Tits
interfere, Spike spears Show and Bubba drops him
through a table. Show cries at the end. One Star. I'm
in a bad mood.
Backstage the UNAmericans cuts a promo on George Bush that was a LONG time coming! I'm sorry but the man was right. Bush hasn't done shit and he's just going to run us into another fucking war. September 11th has become the excuse for America to RUN WILD...so Sadaam, WHATCHA GONNA DO!?! WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN AMERICA RUNS WILD OVER YOU?!? I'm moving to Japan.
The REAL Dreamer vs. Stanshaw
This was uh kinda cool. I guess. Its nice to see
Dreamer...but it'd be EVEN better to see Dreamer
actually INNOVATE some violence instead of getting his
ass beat by a slovenly sweaty titty having Texan.
Dreamer wins it with a DDT on the Ring Steps. 2 Stars.
ATTENTION WWE. Hardcore = Cage matches, Tables,
Flaming Tables, Tacks, REAL trashcans, Singapore
Canes, and Barbed Wire. NOT Trashcans filled
with....LEAVES....Kayaks, Fire Extinguishers, and a
fucking cutsey Frankenstein in front of a shopping
cart.
In the back Molly introduces us all to Victoria once again. Victoria looks MUCH better than she did last year, and that's cool. Regal and Nowinski ask Victoria if Molly really is a virgin after she leaves. Victoria replied yes and Nowinski said not for long! Regal laughed. Apparently Nowinski learned the rape trade from Stanshaw.
Goldust makes funny with MiniDust and then Triple H KILLS the moment and threatens Booker T with his "little friend." Yeah, little friend is right Paul, especially after all those STEROIDS. I agree with Grutman when he says "Someone should have stood up and told Triple H to shut the fuck up" and "Blow Me." He's so right.
Fink bothers Bischoff who schills Triple X. When does Vin Diesel get to wear the WWE title to promote his movie???
Testicle vs. Sgt.I'm Too Old and Fat.
Test kicks his ass. They both suck. No Star for you
fatboy.
Booker & Goldust vs. Regal & Nowinski the Rapist
Man I was surprised to see some good wrestling here.
Some nice wristlocks and back & forth action here.
Goldust mainly got his ass kicked till Booker came in.
Then they brought back the Tag Team finisher when
Goldust hit the reverse atomic drop on Regal and that
turned into an Axe kick by Booker T for the pin. Three
stars for the WRESTLING.
Triple H comes in and scares the UNAmericans. Oh for the love of, there are THREE of them and one asshole with a sledgehammer. If they're supposed to be this badass stable that will DO ANYTHING to fuck up Americans then WHY THE FUCK do they cower from the ROIDMONSTER. I swear, Test could just big boot his dumb ass and just walk away. GAME OVER. What bullshit.
Tits vs. Victoria
Have I ever mentioned I LOVE this match??? About
halfway through Victoria landed wrong and injured her
leg. The refs came in and started helping her outta
the ring. Tits held down the ropes and Victoria KICKS
HER IN THE FACE!! HAHAHAHA! Oh that was awesome.
Victoria continued to actually WRESTLE and she rolled
her up for the pin. Three and a half stars for being
entertaining. I'd love to see her and Jazz go at it.
Molly and Vicky try to beat down Tits but she beats
them off...hey, where the FUCK is Bubba?? Can I get
SOME continuity???
Triple H threatens the Big Show. If I was show I'd just pie face his dumb ass...but then again that nose my stab right through my hand.
Hardyz vs. The UnAmericans
This wasn't that bad. I've NEVER seen a bad Lance
Storm match. They won. And they kicked Hardy ass. They
even made it look like the Hardyz would win, but then
they figured out that they SUCK and refused to job. I
applaud that decision. Three Stars for Lance Storm
Goodness. Afterwards Test runs in and kicks SHANE'S
ass...hahaha...but then Taker *gong* comes in and
whoops ass.
Taker *gong* runs after them to the back and the UnAmericans speed off in a JAPANESE car. They've got their gimmick DOWN!! Then Taker *gong* steals a police bike and rides after them. ITS HIS YARD! COPS BE DAMNED!!!
Bisch says he has a big surprise for HHH. Whooo. Then he says that Fink and Lillian have to have an "Announce Off." Well they do...but then Bisch gets bored and its SAMOAN TIME! Fink pushes Lillian to the "wolves" and runs away. Howard Finkel....you're my hero. NEVER have I admired a man so much for showing a prime example of what the FEMALE gender deserves. Was that sexist of me? Who cares....I'M ANGRY WHITE BOY!!! The Samoans KILL Lillian and I laugh. Where's my popcorn?
RVD vs. Y2J
Sweet shit, this match was ONE MILLION TIMES better
than their SHITFEST at KOTR. Gah, its like they
ACTUALLY LET THEM WRESTLE THIS MATCH! It wasn't in
slow motion and it was AWESOME. Man, I'm sorry Chris
but the KOTR match was UNINTERESTING. This one ruled.
You have redeemed yourself. Too bad RVD beat you in
all his awesomeness. Especially after Flair whacked
you with that chair shot and RVD hit the five star.
Man, Four Star match. Its no Benoit & RVD but
DEFINITELY worthy main event. Now...onto the SHITSTAIN
ending.
Eric and Trips come out. Eric's big surprise is annoyingly NOT Scott Steiner. Its a satellite feed of HBK. Whoptie shit. They go back and forth and HBK has a video of his attacker. Its blurry at first but its a guy who looked to have little hair, a black t-shirt and jeans on. Oh my heart was racing that it was Austin. I'm telling you, if they put Austin in that...I would have had a heart attack at one of the BEST returns in awhile. But no....it was....wait for it.....drink a glass of milk....hold it in.....swallow....breathe....gasp for air...and remember all the times that RAW was awesome the past couple of months...BECAUSE IT WAS TRIPLE H. That's right. The most BORING and PREDICTABLE ANGLE EVER WAS PLAYED OUT. HBK said he'd fight HHH at Summerslam. That's how it ended. Go fall on a knife HHH.
Oh Kane's fire still burns. My Eyes burn after that ending. Raw drops to a 5 this week. WAY TO KILL IT HUNTER! WAY TO KILL IT! Oh and Nash's quadricept is STILL torn!!! HAHAHAHAAHAHA FUCK YOU TOO NASH!! FUCK YOU!!! CRZ is Shit Chugger. Thought I'd forgotten didn't you?
