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BROCK comes out (in a Hulkamania shirt) with Paul in tow.. There will be no more stupid BROCK bashing on this site's SD reports. Paul Heyman cuts a great promo about Hulkamania being dead and I want to believe him even though it's still under contract. Rikishi comes out and it's established he has a match with BROCK . Seriously, send the following people to OVW to sell T-shirts:Henry, Rikishi, Jeff Hardy, Bradshaw, Farooq, and Rikishi. A tussle occurs and BROCK saves Paul from a Stinkface.
Three Count and the Holly Cousins (Except Evan, Molly, and Carsh) VS The New Age Outlaws and Natural Born Thrillers AND Rico (Except Road Dogg, Sean O'Haire, Mike Sanders, Mark Jindrak, and Sean Stasiak)
The heels dominate because of Rico's AWESOMENESS and Shannon's lame small and purdyness that attracts Bradshaw in the shower but does not win matches. Billy hits Shannon with da One and Only, and Chuck pins him for the win. Decent enough, 2.5*. The Rico squad goes overtime with the thrashing but Matt Hardy jumps to SmackDown to save his old Trampoline wrestling pals and I rejoice in all the "New 3 Count" jokes I can make now. Shannon and Hurrishane are glad. Holly is not. Who cares what Holly thinks anyway? Dance the night away 3 Count!
Stephanie threatens to fire Dawn Marie over the IC Shot RVD got from the contracts stolen by Stacy and given to Uncle Eric. Dawn tries to appologize. Stephanie shall now be referred to as Bitch.
Edge gets to the Arena.
Matt says howdy to his pals in the new 3 Count backstage. They shun him for what he did to Jeff. You think they'd be more likely shun whoever's been dealing the crack that's cause Jeff to lose weight by the second, but eh.
Angle VS Mizark
FINALLY Angle goes over Henry cleanly when Henry taps to the Ankle Lock. 2*, there's only so far Angle can carry someone. For any further thoughts on Mark Henry, click the link to the archives. Rey saves Mark's ankle from breaking, and busts Kurt open somehow. Maybe Mizark sweats deadly razor-sharp butter.
BROCK beats Rikishi with an F5. There's not much more to say than that.
FUNAKI MOTHER F'N FUNAKI THE F'N MAN FUNAKI is speaking ENGLISH! FIVE BILLION STARS. He tries to interview Nidia, and she tries to seduce him but D Von is thrown into the room by Batista who seems to be mad that he got stuck valeting for the Dudley who will never get pushed but that has nothing to do with his skin colour honest the WWE isn't racist.
Torrie w/Billy Don't Be A Hero VS Nidia w/Jamie San
Train wreck. Train wreck. This match was a what? A TRAIN WRECK, .5*. Still better than anything Triple Ruxpin has done since January. Nida won after Noble caught Torrie with a clotheslin behind the refs back. See? Southerners keep women in line at all costs. They also can't read as a majority so I'm not expecting controversy to come of that line. Kane's pyro hits after the match.
Meanwhile Eddie and Chavo are walking down stairs. Eddie tells his cel phone to make sure every Guerrero I've ever heard of, (including Timmy, the boy he mentioned at King of the Ring he had found lost at a car wash and adopted.) to watch. Eddie talks about how Edge sucks, Chavo agrees. Man it's good seeing these guys reunite.
Edge and REY MYSTERIO THE GREATEST CRUISERWEIGHT IN THE WWE VS My Uncle is Famous and His Uncle
Eddie and Chavo spent most of the time beating on Rey. Rey sets Chavo up with the 619 but Kirt pulled him out of the ring and into an anklelock. Ref DQs Team Latino Heat, Edge Saves Rey, heels walk away shaking their fists angrily, 3*. Thatza good entahtainment MAAARIO!
Australia stuff. No word on whether they got Homer's device to make the toilets flush properly.
Recap of Rock tapping to the Crossface. This is after Rock accidently intimidates Loyd into accepting anal rape. You had to be there. Rock leaves, but BROCK is watching him backstage!
Rocky Mauvia VS Pegasus Von Wolverine
There, a nickname I invented for Benoit. Good match, with Lesnar's distraction towrds the end allowing Benoit enough of an advantage to again land the Crossface. This time Rock is close enough to the ropes to crawl to them. Rock Bottom, end of story, a 4* story. GREAT way to kick off my SD tenure. I'll give it an 8.5/10
What happened on Confidential?
Ask Tina. She'll be joining with Skittles on Saturdays to do the Confidential report.
That's it for them and me. That's it. Oh and go buy "Happenstance" the new Fozzy album.
