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Heyman comes out and talks trash about BROCK destroying Hogan. BROCK himself then talks trash until Rock comes out. Rock talks trash, heads to the ring, but Benoit and Eddie jump him and beat him up but good.
EDGE IS IN THE BUILDING! But Benoit and Eddie were there first and to enforce HHH's "arrive early, leave late unless you're bonking the head writer" policy they beat the crap out of Edge. Word.
Hurrishane and Cruiserwieght VS Jamie San and The God Amongst Men Yoshihiro Tajiri
Decent match really dragged down by Shannon Moore's complete lack of style, skills, and electricity (I'm kidding kids, stop the tears). Shannon reversed Noble's powebomb into a roll up for 2* and a 3 Count. GET IT? GET IT? Oh fuck is it late. Helms and Moore stand triumphant and Matt Hardy comes out to say "Yeah and don't come back because we're the new 3 Count".
Backstage Steph yells and Benoit and Eddie and NO ONE, I mean NO ONE gives a flying fuck. If you happen to give a flying fuck send me notice but be aware that I don't give a flying fuck that you do care because you should not.
Matt tells Shannon and Helms how great he is as Shannon sucks all the heat out of the room. Ironic since Matt should be dripping of Heat after being stuck there for the past 20 years of the Split. Matt decides he will go out again to bask in his own Glory. Funny how Matt has really bulked up while Jeff dies in front of us isn't it?
Matt VS My Uncle is Famous
Matt only gets so much posing time as Chavo Guerrero (no Junior because there are no Juniors in the WWEEEEEEEEE) makes a challenge. Matt pretty much whups his ass but Kane's pyro distracts him and Chavo rolls him up. 1.5*. Two roll ups in a row? On a Steph show? No..... Matt argues with the ref actually topping his "Because I asked for it first" line with "Everyone knows a match ends after an explosion goes off in the building!"
Funaki takes us into the woman's locker room where Nidia gets to the 46 second mark of softcore with him before Molly interrupts and is DISGUSTED. I'm disgusted I'll never see Molly in her Mona gown again. Nidia's gonna flash us if she wins.
Rey tries to talk to Cole and Tazz about how much better he is than Shannon Moore and how he's going to beat Angle but Angle interrupts and warns Rey to stay out of his match.
Kurt Angle VS Billy Don't Be A Hero
Giant killer style match with Rey popping up for sporadic interference before luring Angle out of the ring for a countout that gives Kidman the win. 3*. Rey is playing mind games with Kurt. If Shannon tried that he'd just get his ankle broken.
Rock is attended to medically. BROCK's training is shown. Edge sucks up to Rock. He's still not a star to me without Christian.
Worhtless & I Beat Jericho Because Anyone Can VS Batista and Other Dudley
NOT WASTING MY TIME. Batista walks out after a whole lot of shit. A whole lot of boring shit. I'd rather watch Lita recap the evolution of man second by second for a million years.
Nidia flashes an old guy.
Molly VS Nidia
I'm gonna level with you. I'm only keeping this spot warm until we get another recapper in here. None of you enjoy reading my stuff and I'm not gonna plug it to you on IM anymore. Molly beats Nidia. Molly stops Nidia from stripping.
Steph screeches. I ignore.
Eddie and Benoit VS Edge Theodore Logan and Rocky Es Mauvia Esquire
That was for you Cliff. Call it SmarkTown's goodbye. Another excellent outing where Benoit and Eddie dominate with smarter team tactics but the faces pull the win out in the end because good has to conquer over evil and get 2.5*, Benoit... sigh. BROCK comes out and he and Rock FINALLY lay into each other a little before the show ends.
I'm really looking forward to Summerslam, but it remains to be seen whether I recap it. Big change coming to Jkyle.com and maybe sooner than I thought.
