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Panda is Back!! And better than ever!!
So I decided I needed to rant on the world of wrestling, and you kids should be forced to hear it! Rather than innundate you with the pointless ranting that I'm so known for, I figure I'll just drop by whenever you're really needing a good rant. So...guess what? RANT!

Raw: My former show reduced to craptacularity
I used to LOVE Raw. Earlier in the year it was really the underrated and BETTER of the two shows. That is....until Triple H came along. Now, I know everyone harps on the steroid monster, but honestly, we all know that's when it went to shitcan hell. Lets take a look who carries this show: Triple H & Kane. Kane was cool in 98 when he was a monster. Triple H can be said the same when he was in DX. But honestly, neither has great mic skills, and they've both been wrestling the same match for the last 5 years. I can call the "Triple H Finish" with my eyes closed. The fact that Raw is being carried by two mediocre, slow, and unentertaining wrestlers is really what's killing it. And don't forget the eventual return of the #4 Hoss: Bradshaw. But the fact of the matter is, you can really feel the lag and lack of energy in the rest of the roster. Fresh and amazing wrestlers like RVD, Lance Storm, Christian, and William Regal are being lagged in the undercard while these two play out a tired (not to mention a rerun from 2001) feud no one cares about. The attention given to these slow and played out characters is killing RAW. They're not doing what needs to be done. Triple H & Kane are burned out. Push them down to the midcard, let them fester for a little while, and bring them back up in 6 months or so with something a bit more creative later on. Fuck, the Rock & Mankind did it, and it only improved their careers. Kurt Angle is doing it, and guess what? He's more entertaining than ever. But it seems the WWE is hellbent with running full steam with wrestlers people recognize rather than new faces that will carry them. I guess Vince also got his hands on the Official "Eric Bischoff WCW Playbook." What they need instead is to start giving people a REAL push instead of dicking them, and us the fans, around. RVD can carry the belt. Sure. Given the right development (Read the Vince Russo WCW Lance Storm Playbook) Lance Storm, William Regal, and Booker T can make it easy. But no...what are we getting treated to? TESTICLES. The guy can't get over as a Corportation Member, A Stephanie Fiance, A Union Member, A Member of T&A, A 1 Year Immunity, or an Un-American. After, count it, SIX fucking gimmicks...he's rolling into a new one, that will be forgotten in 4 months. If they wanted to push Test, they should have done it when Trips stole Steph. Not NOW of all times. He's stale, and unexciting. Fuck him. Its shit like that, that makes Raw the steaming pile of crap that it is today. Uncle Eric or not...it just sucks. Raw should be renamed : The Career Killer. Look what its done for RVD, The Un-Americans, Raven and Ric Flair. Poor Batista and Orton....

Smackdown: The Light at the End of the Tunnel
Its the pretty brand. Its the lighter brand. Its the brand where all the workers actually really look like they enjoy working their asses off, unlike the ones on Raw who are berated cause Triple H likes to be a fucknaught. There's a sublte three way feud developing between Los Guerreros, Edge & Mysterio, and Benoit & Angle. The best part being Benoit & Angle because these two can just put out the best damned matches all around. Same goes for Eddy Guerrero. Here's a guy who constantly works his ass off, bumps like no one else, and is BAR NONE the BEST heel the business has to offer! Fans LOVE his wrestling, BUT they love to hate the guy...but turn him face....BAM! HUGE FACE! That's what makes Smackdown awesome, guys who are willing to work their asses off. Plus the undercard is red hot. Jaime Knoble? Give the man some air time and a promotion! He's improved 200 bajillion times over his WCW tenure, and that's just amazing considering his level of excellence there. This is what makes Smackdown work. Guys like Benoit & Angle get the main event on each show, while the champ destroys the undercard and builds credibility for the belt. Its a simple way of booking and it works. Thank you Paul Heyman. Now the only thing that'd make Smackdown better was if Foley was the GM.

Gosh, I really wish I had more to bitch about, but there's no other wrestling shows to watch. NWA doesn't come in on my satellite system, and well...yeah...the indy stuff ain't so good here. Go figure. Welp kids...lets think....oh yeah...No Mercy thoughts. Thoughts on a half ass PPV
I really only enjoyed the Smackdown Tag match and the Cruiserweight Match. I just hate Edge though. His only good stuff was with Christian, and when Lance Storm carried his ass at Summerslam during Invasion. The Hell in the Cell was a solid match, but it didn't deliver...something that's been happening with HITC ever since right after Mankind's journey through it. Now I'm not saying that EVERY wrestler has to take at least one 20 foot bump, but it'd be nice to see some suspense. SOMETHING to make it a truly formidable match. No one went outside or up top. I would have at least teased a chokeslam off the top only for Brock to reverse it. Good Idea: Putting Taker in a HITC match 5 years ago in his prime. Bad Idea: Putting him in HITC with 1/4 of his mobility against the WWE's best bet for continued success. What do you get there? Taker bleeding all over the place, and a slow unmethodical match. I'd rather watch G Gundam over that, and J KNOWS how much I hate G Gundam. But really...the point of HITC is that it's a terrifying, destructive structure that intimidates even the toughest of competitors. But guys like Triple H & Taker have killed that illusion this year. Totally. You know, lets put someone new and fresh in the HITC. Let someone ELSE create their own version of insanity in HITC. Brock vs...oh lets see here...Rhyno would be a captivating match. Too bad he's hella injured. And on Raw. What you need is another young guy, willing to do anything he can to make himself a star. If they hadn't traded him, I'd have said that Batista vs. Lesnar in HITC would be one grueling and amazing match. Maybe it'll come someday. Who knows.

Survivor Series thoughts & predictions
You know, they REALLY should let the WWE fans know WHAT War Games is. I almost nearly died laughing when Bisch announced it and the whole crowd sat there a scratched their heads like a bunch of dumb apes. You'd think they'd learn that WWE fans were PROGRAMMED to HATE WCW in the 90s. As for the rest of it....HELLO! Interpromotional Feud anyone?? The Brand that has the most teams remaining gets...ah, I dunno...Scott Steiner maybe? Shit...there you go. Both brands go to school in old school style Survivor Series matches with the intent to have their brand get the big star. But no...it looks like once again, the classic Survivor Series gets the shitcan treatment. Well...we all know Triple H will come out on top of the Elimination chamber...the only other real option is HBGay, the FAKER...But like I said earlier....that's right out of the WCW Playbook. And that = Bad. If they REALLY wanted to surprise everyone: Booker T. There you go....Booker T & Jericho feud over the belt while Hunter gets depushed and retooled for awhile. That'd be the way to go. I'm telling ya....but whatever. Have fun qith another Kliq victory! I don't know what other matches there are, and I blatantly don't care. I booked a much better one on EWR tonight and it got a 90% rating. Suck my balls McMahon! Now gimme a booking job!

Panda Hates you! Email me @ minorobake@yahoo.com if you have questions, comments or rude remarks!


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