The World of Pen Pen
...Is a wonderful place. PenPen is the sweetest little penguin. He's a total free spirit who always does what he wants.
Too bad his roommates are total loonies.
That's right. His owners-- well, I'll let Pen Pen tell the story. That's right, its time for the:
Interveiw with PenPen
Oni Girl: So, PenPen, tell me about yourself.
PenPen: (with the aid of the Penguin Translator 3000): What's to tell? I'm
a penguin, I live in a fridge.
O: (laughing) Point taken. So this fridge, what's it like?
P: Well, I've got a photo right here. (reaches into collar, pulls out photo:)
O: Wow, that's some pad.
P: Yup. It took me 2 years to soup up the fridge. Best part is, my roomies
don't know about it.
O: You don't like your roommates?
P: Eh, its not that I don't *like* them... between you and me, they're all
a bunch of loonies.
O: Tell me about it.
P: Well, originally, it was just me and Misato (pulls out a photo). That's
her.
P: Say, is this interveiw going to be on the internet?
O: No, of course not, I won't tell a soul.
P: Good, I don't want Asuka to try to strangle me again.
O: Asuka?
P: I'll get to her later. As I was saying, Misato's a great roomie, but,
uh... (makes drinking motion with wing). You know.
O: Ohhh...
P: When I first came to live with her, her fridge was filled with beer!
Well, it still is, but... Anyway, she's on the sauce. Every morning she
wakes up with a worse hangover. (reaches into collar again) Here, I've
got a photo I took on New Years Day...
O: Whoa, whatta boozehound.
P: You're telling me! But it ain't so bad, sometimes she gives me a few cans
when she's had a few too many herself... (pulls out photo).
O: (laughing) You look pretty smashed. Hey, how many photos did you bring?!
P: I dunno, how many fish am I getting for this interveiw?
O: Now, you mentioned having other roomates?
P: Oh yeah, those two. More trouble than they're worth. It all started with
Shinji. Misato decided to let him stay with her since the kid's father is
some government guy who has no time for him. Oh yeah, like Misato does. She
spends all day working at this top secret government lab... but I've said
too much. Getting back to Shinji, I mean, whatta whiner! All he ever does is
mope around, like he's some kind of lump with feelings. Once, he had the
nerve to walk in on me in the tub! But what am I saying, the look on his face
was priceless. Here's a picture of him, with Misato:
O: I take it the two don't get along.
P: Oh no, they get along. The thing is, Misato's just as fed up with Shinji's
wimpiness as I am! For one thing, boy won't stop apoligizing. And, not many
people know this, he wet the bed! Twice!
O: Misato is pretty good-looking...
P: You have a sick mind! Its not like that!!! But Shinji's friends. Everytime
they come over they spend the whole time fawning over Misato. Those two need
to get control of their hormones.
O: You mentioned another roommate... Asuka.
P: Asuka Langly Sohryu. She's a character, that one. The exact opposite of
Shinji, and I do mean EXACT. Loud, annoying... she wakes me up every morning.
(high, shrill voice:) "Shinji! You burned my toast!" "Shinji, would you stop
apoligizing!" "Shinji, we're late because of you!" I'm getting an ulcer from
that girl. Hey, I've got a photo that I took this morning. I didn't know at
first why they looked like that, but then I realized Asuka was right behind
me...
O: They seem non-plussed.
P: I take it you've never seen Asuka first thing in the morning. But, hey,
Maybe I'm being too hard on Asuka. I mean, sometimes she can be downright
decent. Like that time it was just me and her at the apartment and we
watched TV together... she even paid for the snacks!
But the best thing about Asuka is her friend, Hikari. She's really nice
to me, everytime she comes over I get tummy rub.
O: A *tummy rub*?
P: You should try it sometime!
O: I think I'll pass.
P: Okay, its your life... Oh, wait, I think I have a picture of Hikari...
P: That's her, in the bottom right corner... Man, I really look like
(explentitive beeped out) in this picture. (rummages throught collar) Here's
one of Misato giving Shinji a "lecture"... That means she's had a few too
many and wants to fill his head with more of her useless advice...
O: She looks kind of sad.
P: Oh, she must have had *another* fight with Kaji!
O: Kaji?
P: That's her on-again, off-again boyfriend. He seems like kind
of a jerk to me. Here's a photo of Misato, Kaji and I...
P: Look at that. She's so happy about seeing him, she's squeezing
me half to death. He made her make me drop my fish!. Stupid good-for-nothing
Kaji...
O: Sounds like you're jealous of the attention she gives him.
P: Hmph! Me, jealous of a ruffian like him? I don't think so.
O: Yeah. Right. So anyway, you were mentioning a secret government lab?
P: Oh yes... that... well, if I tell you anything about it, I'll have to
kill you.
O: (laughing) Kill me? You're a penguin!
P: Are you making fun of me?
O: What? No, no, of course not. Well, I've heard that you're a member of a
new species of penguin.
P: I'm one of those new "hot-springs" penguins. Whatta sweet natural habitat,
I tell ya. My evolutionary-challenged ancestors had it real hard living down
in Antarctica. Suckers.
O: But your species has evolved?
P: You better believe it! Now we don't settle for less than the best! Of
course, one problem is living in captivity. I mean, Misato's apartment ain't
the Ritz, if you know what I mean! But hey, it ain't that bad I guess. Of
course, there was that time Shinji walked in on me. Its not such a big deal,
you know, nothing I haven't seen before, but come on! Have a little respect!
Hey, I've even got a picture from that time, too... Its somewhere here, I'm
sure I brought it...(rummages through collar)... ah, (explentitive beeped out),
I musta left it in my other collar.
O: Oh, that's too bad...
P: Usually, Asuka and Misato are pretty nice about the bathroom. Sure,
they'll take a long time, but will eventually surrender the bathroom to me... even
if Shinji's been waiting longer...
P: Anyway, I can have a bath basically whenever, as long as its not too
early in the morning or late at night. Of course, I'm usually asleep in the
morning from late at night, so that's no problem!
O: Sounds like fun.
P: Oh its great. Well, everything I can remember is, anyway! (laughs)
O: So when you're not partying, what do you do?
P: Well, I see myself as a sort of mentor for Shinji and Asuka. I mean, I
never had any kids myself, so I keep an eye on those two... teaching them about
all the stuff they never learned from Misato or their parents... Here's the
time I made them lunch when Misato was away on a trip... I baby those two.
O: You mean they couldn't even make their own instant ramen?!
P: Yeah... kids these days. But they got this friend... well, more of a co-
worker. Her name is Rei, and she doesn't really talk much. Kind of anti-social
if you ask me. But I gotta tell you the truth: Rei's not as shy and quiet as
they all say she is. She can actually be really nice when you get to know her,
know what I mean? Just the other day she took me to the park and we had a great
time! I wish the others would give her a chance. Anyway, here's a picture I
took at the park.
P: I definatly like her more than Asuka or Shinji, but she's no Hikari, know
what I mean?
O: Mmmm.
P: Well, sorry to cut this interview short, but I got a major party going down
in about twenty minutes... hey, you wanna come? Its not much, only a few dozen
people, but you might have a good time.
O: That sounds great, I'll grab my jacket.
Thus, the interview with Penpen draws to a close. I hope you all enjoyed it and learned something from this great animal. This is ONiGiRL, reminding you that Penpen is the coolest!
