There once was a story about a group of I-
Maniacs who banded together to pull off a truly
cool con. I thought it was only a story ... until it
happened to me.
Just wanted to echo the sentiments everyone has
already read. I don't think anything could have
been improved. As I said to the infamous
Emerald upon leaving, "It was perfect." I enjoyed
meeting everyone and putting names to all the
handles. Joe, Glenn, Doug , Tom, Roger and me
(chuckle), will be happy to provide our services at
future cons as estrogen counteragents. Krysalis,
you were the best road companion anyone could
hope for. Thanks for putting up with me. I hope we
can all find a solution to your computer problem.
And now, from the home office in Wahoo,
Nebraska (know where that is, Darien's Muse?),
the Top Ten reasons the I-Man convention was
the one to beat:
10) Crimson Eyez's superlative videos, with the
added bonus of being given one to take home
and enjoy.
9) Mike McCafferty playing the piano accompanied
by Mae "Why dontcha come up and see me" West
at the bar. A tip of the hat to his two friends as
well, Jason and Matt: May your acting and
directing careers soar like eagles.
8) Learning how wickedly good the attendees are
at fanfic, and how devoted people such as
Invisible Mom are to bringing the show back.
7) More auction paraphernalia than you could
shake a counteragent syringe at, with the $2,000-
odd profits going to charity. Where are you going
to see that? (Postscript: My friend Tiphaine (cq),
LOVED her autographed picture.)
6) Seeing not one but TWO superlative Darien
costumes at the costume party. (Hats off also to
Mae West, Trinity, Wonder Woman, The Official,
the Dancing Glands, Satine, the young but
capable dancer Venice, and Claire, among
others. What, no Hobbeses out of all the Hobbes
Honeys???)
5) Watching fate consistently intervene for the
better, as when the TV/VCR hookups wouldn't
work and Mark the Highlander rode like William
Wallace over the horizon to provide one of movie-
screen quality. To paraphrase Braveheart: "They
can take our show... but they'll never take... our
videos!!"
4) Finding not one but TWO Catholics to go to
Mass with. One chided me on the way back by
asking if I was on drugs. Well, alcohol is indeed a
drug, and I did imbibe the night before, so I'm
guilty as charged. (I hope someone retrieved the
Wilderberry schnapps from the Room 507 fridge
and put it to good use.)
3) Where else could one see Paul Ben-Victor in
leather sold for $69, and then see his
performance in "The Adventures of Brisco County,
Jr."? (If the winner of the jar and its contents
cannot find Sorbitol, would that be considered a
glandular problem?)
2) Everyone who contributed to the games, the
awesome gifty bags, and the additional freebies
(my prized possession: a yellow button that reads
"I got a chick roommate?" Thanks to the
generosity of Silver Cade, who traveled to the con
all the way from Austin by train, I had four of them
(Delka, Devilbird, Nikki, and Silver). Did we live up
to the name Naughtyville Central? Yes --
everywhere but in our room.
1) Emerald ("I only smoke when I'm celebratory or
when I'm nervous) Cleya, Adel (rockin' the house)
Rockenhauser, and everyone else who pitched in
in some way. This is the benchmark by which all
other cons will be judged.
The Keeper's (and occasionally Em and Adel's)
Lapdog
MORE CON LEVITY (TKL's 2nd report!)
TIDBITS FROM THE FRONT
(An homage to Walter Winchell.)
If you don't know who Walter Winchell is, pretend it's the Drudge
Report.
(The clack clack clack of a teletype machine can be heard in the
background.)
Good evening, ladies, gentlemen and all the ships at sea. I'm The
Keeper's Lapdog, and here's the I-Man news of the hour:
Convention goer Glenn was visibly mad when his Agency team lost to
the Chrysalis team in I-Man Family Feud. Hey, Glenn, sometimes the
bad guy wins, OK? What about "The Choice"? What about "Frozen in
Time"? What about Bonnie Hammer?
In a case of mistaken identity, Darien's Muse descended a double-
helix staircase at Imanicon 2002 and temporarily fooled all attendees
into thinking she was the Real Deal, proving her ability to walk the walk.
No one, however, confused The Keeper's Lapdog for a black-eyed pea.
After telling of encounters with the ubiquitous pre-teen cheerleaders in
one post-CONversation, the husband of one attendee asked this
reporter whether he'd experienced a Kevin Spacey "American Beauty"
moment. Oh, so THAT'S where all the rose petals on the ceiling came
from.
The beloved Mike McCafferty joined Imanicon 2002 with a few cool
friends, Jason and Matt. Mike had many interesting anecdotes to
share. Fortunately, everyone had the good sense not to cut him off by
saying, "Shut up, Eberts."
This reporter has learned that, unbeknownst to many Imanicon
attendees, the science fiction "ConneXions" con took place a mere 15
minutes away in Baltimore during the same weekend as this one. It
centered more on fantasy and "slash" fiction, but it has been reported
by a source in the know that there was a strong I-Man contingent there,
including an hour discussion panel that took place at 1 p.m. on
Saturday. They have been extended an invitation to come to next year's
con, with the caveat that they don't upset any Hobbes Honeys by
participating in the blind round robin.
The next time OboeCrazy attends "Rocky Horror" and hears the line
"Claude Rains was the Invisible Man" in the opening song, what do you
think the chances are that she will yell at the screen, "So was Vinny, but
Sci-Fi took care of that"?
Confusion reigned when, in a coup, Adel of the fifth floor declared
herself to be Sheriff of Naughtyville, when Naughtyville Central and
Naughtyville East were clearly located on the THIRD floor. The illegal
annexation would have been met with vocal protests and a vigorous
leafletting campaign, but sadly, as no convention goer of rank had
been placed above the fifth floor, the ruling could not go any higher. As
TKL was deputized by Adel, he has decided to throw his support in her
direction. All hail the enlightened despot!
This just in: A man in his early thirties with impeccable hair has warned
this reporter of a big swarm of locusts heading this way. When asked
for clarification, he raised his hands in sweeping pantomime and
replied, "There's a BIG... SWARM... of LOCUSTS... heading this way."
A convention goer believes that the Metallica song "Sad But True"
would have been a great song for a QSM video. Since Crimson Eyez
amazingly produced a video for every cast member of note, about the
only thing left to do homage to is the Catevari. Takers, anyone? (Ot
what about this: an Allianora video to the Jimi Hendrix tune "Fawksey
Lady"?)
If Pipsqueak and Farscape's Zhaan ever came to a convention
together, would it be tacky to greet them by saying, "Hey, hey"?
A convention goer wishes to report that her gland has escaped the jar
of Sorbitol and is freely roaming the countryside. The gland is off white
with noticeable streaks of silver, has several wildly moving limbs when
placed on a dance floor, and goes by the name of "Furry Knight." Don't
let the fact that it temporarily isn't wearing its glasses fool you. If you
should encounter the gland, do NOT taunt it by yelling barbs such as
"Hi Yo, Silver" or "You don't look all that damn quick to me." Simply
open a standard glass jar and hum the original "I-Man" theme, and it
should some scurrying in your direction.
This reporter briefly considered bringing a parent to the Con, but
quickly decided against it. Who would go for a radical idea like that?
Duntulm's handle is of Scottish ancestry, but Mark, who wore a kilt to
the costume party, is a full-blooded Italian. This didn't stop some mad
convention goer from plotting to cut off his head with a sword and
bellow, "There can be only one!" Fortunately, the idea was quickly put
down when it was pointed out that, besides him being quite a nice guy,
there would be no one would be left to run the video equipment.
Recently, a dirty rat was recently seen scurrying around the corner
where the gland's last known location was. The rat is named "Bonnie
Hammer" and refuses to respond when called. Put out the traps.
A beautiful redheaded woman on a trapeze once said, "Videos and
auctions are quite continental, but Emerald is a con's best friend."
A particularly bright convention goer discovered that when you put an
agent and a counteragent together, the resulting explosion can be
used to power a warp drive. The information turned out to be
particularly useful when a sleepy con attendee accidentally replaced
the dilithium crystals in the video supercomputer with Folgers crystals.
Another convention goer who believes that the purity of theme cons
should be respected replied to that last statement, "Anyone who thinks
otherwise is out of their frelling minds."
We interrupt this broadcast for a commercial break:
Fade in: Alex Munroe is looking admiringly at Darien.
Munroe: Hey tiger. Nice hair!
Darien: (starting to assume a G.Q. pose) Really? Gee, thanks.
Alex runs her fingers lightly through our hero's amazing hair, then
grimaces.
Munroe: The only problem is... those nasty quicksilver flakes.
Darien (apologetically): I wash and blowdry my little guys regularly, but
no matter what I do, I can't seem to get rid of the silver.
The Keeper suddenly appears.
KEEPER: Not a problem, Darien! Try some of this handy Counteragent
Soap. It's small and light enough to carry for fast, soothing relief of
quicksilver emergencies.
She hands him the palm-sized bar of soap. Cut to Darien in the
shower lathering his hair with it. The female I-Maniacs all hoot and clap
with delight.
Cut back to Darien with Munroe, who is again running her fingers
through his amazing hair.
Darien: Wow, it worked! Thanks, Keep!
Bobby Hobbes suddenly appears.
Hobbes: Hey, what about me?
Keeper: Sure, Bobby. Try this out.
She hands him a bar of soap the size of a thimble.
Hobbes (grumbling): Thanks a LOT, Keep.
Keeper: Counteragent Soap. For the flaky I-Maniacs in your life.
And now, back to the broadcast.
Stay tuned for the exciting Virtual Season Three, coming soon to a web
site near you. In support of Bonnie Hammer's brilliant decision to
cancel the show, the virtual dollars raised from the production of each
virtual episode will be sent directly to her.
As if Brenda, aka Darien's Muse, wasn't visible enough, she has now
agreed to do a MasterCard commercial. Word on the street is that it will
go something like this: "Used cool black sweater: $10. Fashionable
khakis: $12. Cool silvery eyes ordered off the Internet: $63. Delighting
all the convention goers at Imanicon: priceless."
Is the glass half empty or half full? I can't tell -- some idiot from
Chrysalis filled it with quicksilver.
Factoid of the day: It would take four Venices to equal one Keeper's
Lapdog in weight, and two and three-fourth Venices to equal the
Lapdog's age. It would take twelve Keeper's Lapdogs to equal one
Venice's maturity level.
When Darien is sick and can't go see-through immediately, would it be
appropriate to call it "slowsilver"?
Does The Keeper's Lapdog have anything better to do with his time
than write out little anecdotes? Wait a minute... who is that in real life?
Oh, okay... never mind.
If the head of The Agency went on vacation, could the trip be billed as
"Official business"?
Paul Ben-Victor has three first names, but he could easily bump it up to
four if he were to ever marry Shannon Kenny and keep his maiden
name.
That's all for now. Thank you for tuning in, and have a very silvery day.
