<I sat behind my keyboard, head hanging low. My father had again started a yelling match with my brother, Isaac. They had creative differences, and it all blew up when we were in the studio recording.
I turned my head, and looked at Zac, who was watching the fight intensely. I could see the hurt, and fright in his eyes. He glanced towards me. Our eyes locked for a moment, and I knew exactly what he was feeling. Anger, fright, hurt. Zac, my litle brother, was such a fragile human being. He had such a ruff exterior, and was so fragile on the inside. He reminded me a lot of myself, and that scared me the most out of anything.
I stood up slowly, and nodded my head towards the door, signalling for Zac to follow me. I took my steps toward the door, and reached out for the door handle. I turned it, and opened the door, then stood waiting for Zac.
"It just gets so old." Zac burst out as soon as the door was closed behind us. "I just want them to quit. I don't know how much longer I can take this from them two." He turned towards the wall, and planted his forehead hard against it.
"Zac, anything they have to argue about, doesn't have anything to do with you. Its Isaac and Dad being hard-headed." I put my hand on his shoulder.
He turned towards me, and looked me square in the eye. "I know, Taylor, I just can't take the fighting. All the fighting, ALL the time..." He hung his head. "Tay, I just can't take it..." He shook his head. A tear trickled slowly down his cheek. I hung my head, not knowing what to do and wanting to hug him all at the same time. But, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't force myself to hug my own brother.
I turned away from my brother, and started walking slowly, and undeterminedly down the hall. I needed to be away. I needed to be alone. Alone, and away from my brothers, my father, the record producer, everybody in the world. I wanted to be by myself. Completely by myself. So, that I could just wither there all alone. The way it should be.
I flushed the toilet after I was done vomiting into it. I stood up slowly, knowing that if I stood up fast, I would get dizzy and fall over. I unlocked, and opened the stall door, and then went to the sink to wash my hands and face off. As I was doing so, I happened to glance up. As I stared into the mirror, I didn't recognize the face. The once blue eyes were now what seemed like a shade of gray. I had dark black circles under my eyes, indicating that I hadn't gotten much sleep. On the sides of my face, where my cheeks should be, were nothing but sunken holes.
I dropped my head from the mirror, not wanting to see my face anymore. I had to fight to hold back the tears that were threatening to drop. All at once, I let out a loud gasp, fell to the floor, and started to let the tears flow. I sat, under the sink, curled up in a ball, bawling like a baby. Everything was just getting so out of control. In the back of my head, I could hear the voices telling that I deserved what I was getting. I deserved all the hurt. I was too fat, I didn't deserve anything good. I was so imperfect, and they made sure I knew it.
