Solitude
by Lea Yates
This is my version of what happens the time
Angel sketches Buffy and leaves her the drawing in season 2. The lyrics are
from
Robbie Williams new album, sing when you’re
wet the song is called Better man. It has nothing to do with Buffy. I just love
the
song!!!
All the rights to Buffy and Angel belong to
their original owners, God (Joss), Mutant Enemy, Fox, Warner Bros plus others I
haven’t mentioned. So don’t sue the pants
off me I’m just a student havin’ some harmless fun!!!!! Feed back would be
welcome
:-)
Lea
Solitude
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In the pouring rain
Buffy climbed through her bedroom window
and shut out the bitter night. She took off her jacket and looked out into the
darkness. He was there, she knew it, sensed
it, even if she couldn’t see him.
She closed her eyes to stop the tears
falling. She’d cried enough already. Whenever she saw him she wanted to run to
him, to be engulfed in his strong arms and for him to tell her everything was
fine. That he would make it all better.
Only now he was the cause of all the
destruction. How could life be so cruel? The slayer's life was a lonely one.
Then she met
him. Someone who knew how she felt. Who
loved her for who she was. And then there was light in her life again. Which
was
ironic when she thought about it.
That light had been ripped away and in its
place was a big gaping black pit that could not be filled.
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I’m getting old
Before my time
Buffy shivered and dragged herself away from
the window. She hung up her jacket in her closet, seeing herself in her
reflection in the mirror on the door. She looked exhausted. There were bags
under her eyes and fine lines around her eyes and mouth, where once there were
none. She looked older than her seventeen years. Whereas he looked younger.
Much younger.
The darkness seemed overwhelming ever since
he changed. It was suffocating her and there was no way out.
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I’m doing all I can
To be a better man
Whenever she saw him her heart beats fast
at the sight of him. She knows that he’s not the same man, but tell that to her
heart.
All it sees is the man she’d fallen in love
with.
Sometimes she wants to give in and go to
him. No matter how much he’d changed she still loved him. He was her light,
even if
he had turned to darkness.
Buffy knew she couldn’t do that. If she
wasn’t the slayer maybe she would have caved in. But she was strong, she was
the
slayer and she had to be strong for
everyone else, even if it meant the unthinkable.
Without bothering to get changed Buffy
curled up on her bed letting the darkness cover her, hoping it would all go
away.
Go easy on my conscience
‘Cause it’s not my fault
I know I’ve been taught
To take the blame
He wanted to suck the world into hell and
it was all Buffy’s fault. He was a viscous killer now. Her love had turned him
into the
demon he used to be.
Usually Buffy fought the demons of Sunny
Dale and she was sad if people were hurt or killed in the process, but she knew
if she hadn’t been there less would have survived. This time was different.
This time it was her fault. She should have faced up to
reality that she wasn’t an ordinary
teenager. She had responsibilities. To think they had a future was stupid. But
for that one
moment she’d wanted to be a normal girl
with her normal boyfriend and forget what he was, forget that the darkness did
indeed hold some hideous secrets.
She’d let down all her friends. Especially
Giles. How she must have disappointed him. She should have listened to him
more. He was there to guide her after all.
People had died and more were going to and
it was all her fault.
Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I’m in pain
Buffy squeezed her eyes shut. It didn’t
stop the tears as they started to fall. Why was love so painful? Why couldn’t
she have
fallen for someone normal? She knew the
answer to that. Normal didn’t fit into her life. Normal was for normal kids and
that
she was not. An ordinary guy would probably
have caused as much heart ache as this if that was possible. Though maybe not
as many casualties.
Would the pain ever go away? Would she be
able to do what’s right?
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I’m doing all I can
To be a better man
Sometimes she wished that she wasn’t who
she was. She wished that she wasn’t Buffy at all. That she’d never come to
Sunny
Dale that she would never have to experience
the heart ache of watching your lover kill those around you
Angel..........
Once you’ve found that lover
You’re homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around
Buffy remembered first meeting him, first
kissing him. She would never forget the feel of his gentle lips on hers, as she
would
never forget the stinging kiss he’d
inflicted on her in the library, after Xander had saved Willow from his cruel
grasp.
Angel, her Angel. The one person she could
truly relate to. The one person she let get closer than any others.
She’d held on to his love, loving him back
with all her heart. In the end love wasn’t enough, correction her love had been
too
much and she’d lost him forever.
I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But love is all around
Buffy wanted to curl up and never get up.
Everywhere she saw reminders of Angel. Their kiss at the ice rink, meeting at
the
Bronze, holding hands through the grave
yard, working in the library. Everything reminded her of him. Even Willow’s and
Xander’s relationships with Oz and Cordy
made her think of what she didn’t have, what she could never have.
The tighter she closed her eyes the more
the tears fell and the more she could see him in her mind.
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In the pouring rain
Eventually Buffy fell into a fitful sleep.
She was drifting halfway between sleep and reality and she never wanted to wake
up. In
this place Angel was holding her and
stroking the hair from her face. His touch was so gentle she never wanted to
leave. She felt him kiss her forehead and she smiled. Yes. This was what she
wanted. She wanted to feel his love. She wanted to be near him, just to touch
him and have him touch her.
Buffy. Even in her sleep she responded to
him. Whenever he touched her she leaned into his caress. She was so vulnerable
lying on her bed like this. He could snap her neck in a second. But that would
be no fun. It would be too easy. He wanted her to realise what he was capable
of. He leaned forward and pressed a mocking kiss to her forehead. Gently he
moved her hair and placed it where he wanted it.
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In the pouring rain
Buffy wanted to keep dreaming. In her
dreams Angel could be what ever she wanted him to be, wherever she wanted them
to
be. At the moment they were on a secluded
beach in the sunlight and Angel was rubbing sun lotion onto her back. Such a
normal thing to do. Something they could
have never experienced.
She was beautiful, no doubt about it. As
gently as he could he rearranged her limbs into the position he thought best
and he
leaned back to admire his work. He couldn’t
resist running his hands over her silken skin again.
The thrill and excitement gushed through
his veins as he thought of the ways he was going to drive her crazy. He’d
learnt a lot
since he’d sired Dru. This time he meant to
inflict as much mental torture on her as only the man she loved could.
His smile was cold and full of venom as he
leaned back casually and retrieved a piece of charcoal and paper from the
pocket of his duster.
Skilfully he started to sketch and soon an
image of a sleeping Buffy became visible.
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I’m doing all I can
To be a better man
For the moment Buffy was at peace. In her
dream like state Angel wasn’t bad, the world wasn’t full of danger, nor was she
the
slayer. Just a normal girl with her normal
boyfriend, in a normal world.
The sketch of Buffy became more intricate.
To an outsider it would show a picture of a young girl drawn by someone madly
in
love with her. To the rest of them, to her
people it would show how vulnerable Buffy had become. The things he hadn’t
drawn
would show in their eyes. How he could have
taken her here and now. There was nothing to stop him. But Angel wanted more
for this girl.
He placed the drawing in a brown envelope
and placed it next to her pillow. Unable to contain his excitement he kissed
her on
the lips, enjoying her response, before
climbing silently back out of her window into the darkness.
Soon he promised. Soon.