Serving greater Schmoeville since 1862
Vol 1......Editor in Chief: Wally
Abercrombie...... February 10, 1999
Indictment
Handed Down
Grand Jury
Indictment
File
Photo
The Grand Jury handed
down an indictment against Buforford
Balfordese, also known as BuBBa. Judge
Willy Hancock made this statement to the press. "The evidence warrants further
investigation. Perhaps the most
convincing evidence was the photo of Joe Schmoe at Mr Balfordeeses' home". Joe
Schmoe was allegedly kidnaped, and fed a steady diet of moonshine. Mr Schmoe is
expected to be the prosecutions' star
witness. No trial date has been
announced. The Grand Jury is expected
to start procedings within a few weeks.
| F.B.I Hunts
Moonshiner
Kansas City
KS......The F.B.I has launched
a massive hunt for an illegal moonshine
operation. K.C News correspondant Betty
Boogaloo reported the story earlier this week. "......A Massive hunt has been
started in the area of Backwoods
Bubbaville known to be the home of one,
BUFORD B. BALFORDEESE aka BUBBA! This
hunt will be centered on finding and
confiscating the moonshine still which
Mr. Balfordeese admits to owning!" A
spokesman for the F.B.I released the
following statement regarding the hunt.
"We gonna be on him like a duck on a
june bug!" The correspondant will
also be covering the current
investigation of the Mayor, and other
breaking stories for the K.C.
News. |
Schmoeville Speedway
Opens
The Mayor
announced the opening of the Schmoeville Speedway today. The speedway, will
host NASCAR and Winston Cup sponsored
events. The opening comes as a boost to Schmoeville's lackluster economy.
Racing fans from all over are expected
to attend the over 25 events already
scheduled at the course. Officials are
expecting over Twenty-five-thousand
racing enthusiests to attend the first
season of events. Merchants in
Schmoeville are excited about the added
revenue the race track will bring to
town. In a surprise announcement, the
Mayor announced the formation of his
own racing team, T.J. Racing Inc. The
Mayor will not only act as team owner,
but will also be the cars' driver.
Word on the street is, the Mayor is
quickly becoming the hometown
favorite. Mayor Torpedo responded to
questions about the timing of the
announcement during the investigation.
"Schmoevilles economy has been stagnant
for too long. It has always been my
policy to be proactive when it comes to
stimulating the economy of our fair
city. The speedway plans have been in
the works for some time now, and are
finally coming to light." | Rumors
Run
Rampant
More rumors have spread with the breaking news of the recent
indictment of BuBBa Balfordeese.
Speculation is that the Mayor and Mr
Balfordeese may be operating a large
scale moonshine operation. Although
there has been no formal announcement by officials, or the Coop & Fowl Detective
Agency. It is believed however, that
the operation spreads from Schmoeville,
all the way to Kansas. BuBBA, as he is
known in Schmoeville, is formally from
southeast Kansas. It is also beleived
that the moonshine operation is
headquartered somewhere in that area.
Whe asked to comment, the Mayor
responded, "That's utterly
ridiculous!" Other speculation revolves
around the investigation by the Coop &
Fowl Detective Agency. According to
local waitress and part-time psychic ,
Ms. Harriet Thumwhacker, "I see the
Mayor's office, and inside that office I see a large family. A very well
organized family. I see the Mayor using his office to further his evil ways." Ms Thumwhacker was unable to continue,
citing that she was very tired from her
psychic experience. Altough the
detective agencies' investigation of the Mayor hasn't turned up any credible
evidence, it has created a titlewave of
rumors and speculation. It was also
learned earlier this morning, that the
reward posted for information against
the Mayor, was a hoax. Sources reported a man named "Slick Willy" was trying to divert attention away from an
investigation against himself.
|
