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Letters to the Editor



Letter Policy: Letters to the editor should be no longer than 200 words. All letters MUST be signed. This newspaper will not publish any letter which defames or degrades any person or persons, or is in anyway libelious. The Schmoeville Gazette does not endorse the views and opinions stated. Nor is this newspaper responsible for statements, contents or opinion of the writer.
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Dear Editor,
  I am Betty Boogaloo a correspondent associated with the KANSAS CITY NEWS. This item has come to my attention through the NEWS! I have been assigned to cover the breaking news story of the Schmoeville scandal!!! The KC NEWS informs me that a Massive hunt has been started in the area of _Backwoods Bubbaville_known to be the home of one: BUFORD B. BALFORDEESE aka BUBBA! This hunt will be centered on finding (and confiscating) the MOONSHINE STILL which Mr. Balfordeese admits to owning!!    I am informed that the FBI (hereafter known as "DA FEDS") issued this statement concerning the hunt: "We gonna be on him like a duck on a june bug!"    As you should be informed, ILLEGAL moonshine stills (those not known as feds) are strictly against the law in KANSAS! I will keep you informed in further developments as they become in.
Your truly,
Ms. Betty Boogaloo
Southern Correspondent for the KC NEWS


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Dear Editor:
This Hyar Letter is frum Me; swampwoman. I may Be Prejoodissed In This Hyar feeassco,bein as how I am the Mayor's MA BUTT ya'll aint gittin nowhar in this hyar "un-civil persoot" uv our Mayor. Ya causin' strife - 'n yankees 'n Washington riff raff is gittin' involved n turnin' this into a POlitial feeassco! Hyars BuBBA gittin involved in a dispoot over dang RACE CARS n drivers (whut has THAT got to do wit da MAYOR N CHARGES AGIN HIM?) I noes I de new Kid on de block Hyar. BUTT I'se got votes! 'N I sez Dis: IF'N DE DRAWERS DONT FIT -YA CAINT CONVICT!! My Lawyer A. NASH HOLE has conferred (talked to) Da "HEAD BUREAU" in Washington D.C. n has cum to dis hyar conclusion: Aint nuttin' more pitiful dan A village in turmoil! He cites -Washington D.C.(hereafter ferever mor KNOWN AS MONICAVILLE) As A Prime Example!   He has stated that COOP N FOWL det. agency is not as clean as they pertend to be! N they got Drawers in their Dirty Laundry That is Stained Bad Enuff Ta Make da "BLUE DRESS" stains look lak Ice Cream drippins!! So- Due Process fer De MAYOR( bless his little swampheart) Is Overdue! COOP N FOWL shood git ready ta have A Full Feathered TRIAL.(no offense ta Joe SCHMOE) So once n fer all we kin Clear da MAYOR uv de charges agin him.(period) Whut ever day are!? AGAIN I SAY: If'n th DRAWERS dont FIT Ya Caint CONVICT!    

P.S. My Lawyer A. NASH HOLE has Volunteered ta Represent DA MAYOR Torpedo Joe --PRO BONO (n Cher too if'n necessary!!)

Hand writ by:
Miss Swampwoman (A spinster fer Life.)