i pace aimlessly through these crowded halls. people smile and say my name. trying to keep up their appearances.
in this sea of faces.
i walk among them i recognize them i can relate myslf to them and yet, i've never felt so detached. i can claim many as friends, but i've never felt more alone.
ghostly whispers of temptations rattle in my ear.
i had thought these to be long gone, no? why do they continue to resurface?
i quickly dart as the flame on a wick (ironic) trying to outrun my heart and its foolish desires
they pursue.
does that mean anything? coudl it be that it's trying to tell me...?
i want to do it again. i'm not sure i remember how, but i want to do it again. i yearn for it all, for a sense of belonging. am i really happier this way?
damn you, you dark intriguing mysterious surgeon, who plunges syringes into my heart
why must you be so frustrating near? does God nearly play with my heart? or is it you enjoying these childish games?
it hurts. and the sick sadism of the world enjoys it. i want to love cry die find a reason
but these pleasures dangle temptuously in front of me.
i know they're not mine to posess
so why do i struggle with their twisted game of hide and seek?
is it that i'm too afraid of apathy?
or am i just afraid........ i need a heavenly embrace, a miracle always on the brink of tears damn well, overflow! release your calming water born of outrage and pain and guilt and pain.
it would be so much easier just to run.. or to put up a selfish apathetic (or is it pathetic?) shell.
but your song plays endlessly in my mind. my dream won't stop replaying my assumptions... your unnamed rebellion, cynical twists and turns.
you go on and all seems sane authority trends facism -it's all the same-
alone isolated sarcastically hiding in your corner of the world.
this cold room. with its cheap corporate flooring and molded walls.
curse this intrigue! the unwanted, the lusted after, i see your faults plain and clear as i might feel mine.
yet i pursue! tell me i'm stupid and foolish and that i should give up on your unreachable eyes.
i waste my time....
purusing this sad hostile dream rough 7th chords mark the confusion, brooding minors, the pain.
entwining with a young naive melody....... harmonies echo as four-part voices in my mind
and you there.
sitting plainly, singing this song as if it meant nothing. if only you knew what it did to me..
i want to spring forth with enlightenment or die trying... but it's a futile attempt. i know you don't care about such things.
and still i sit here listening.
to your raspy declarations, your rhythmic flowing chords all the while aching for a release.
oh, how i hate my heart.
my frustration my timidness.
.
just let me be alone.
don't hate me or love me or talk about it,
just let me be alone.
.
let me listen...........
