So you think you’ve done everything there is to do in Thornhill? Seen every sight there is to see? How about attending a session of Vaughan Town Council?
Stop laughing! I’m serious! I’m talking about a trip to see municipal-level politics in action, are you’re truly not interested? The hell, you say! I, for one, have proudly been there and done that.
Last month, I summoned up all of my courage and went to see our elected officials do their thing. Between you, me and the lamp post, let me tell you something: it may have been one of the most exciting and influential experiences of my young life.
In case you couldn’t tell, I was being sarcastic.
For those of you who are not familiar with the inner-workings of local politics (ie 99.2% of the population), please allow me to indulge you with a sample day at Vaughan Town Council. Names and times of events have been changed. Not so much as to protect the innocent, but more because I forgot to write anything down in my notebook, so I’m pretty much winging it from here:
1:00 p.m.: I arrive at the council chamber room, just as the session is scheduled to begin.
1:03 p.m.: My girlfriend (dragged here by me) wakes me up from a deep sleep. The council chamber - cavernous enough to facilitate a university lecture but only accomodating 12 people at present - is the perfect place to catch 20 winks or so.
1:07 p.m.: The meeting has still not officially begun. Councillors are talking amongst themselves, shuffling papers and looking over documents. To pass the time, I obtain a copy of the agenda, an item which - and I’m not kidding about this - is larger in size than many of the textbooks I used in college. I look at all of the items in the agenda and ask my girlfriend if perhaps this monster document includes everything the Council has accomplished to date.
1:21 p.m.: A gentleman, acting on behalf of a local soccer club, is asking the Council to allocate more funds because of muddy soccer field conditions. After arguing the case for approximately the amount time it took for the entire O.J. trial to take place, a councillor decides to put the matter "under further review". Hey, I’m just glad they didn’t decide to review it further today.
1:55 p.m.: Next item. Council hears from a couple who aren’t allowed to park their snowplow on their own driveway. Neighbours of this couple, it seems, were offended by the appearance of the snowplow, and so the couple were given two options. First, get their garage altered so that the snowplow can be parked indoors. Second, try to find a nearby plaza to park the snowplow at. The couple are not happy with either of the options. At that point, I wonder to myself if this would make a good topic for syndicated television show "Montel".
2:39 p.m.: My girlfriend and I are involved in a heated game of ’Tic Tac Toe’. X wins the first game, followed by O winning two in a row. X is back for a brief comeback, only to see three consecutive no-decisions following that. The sad thing was that this was easily the highlight of my day.
2:54 p.m.: Councillors are now arguing amongst themselves about when to send out congratulatory plaques to Vaughan residents. Is it for a 25 year wedding anniversary? Perhaps if their business has stayed afloat for 25 years? Maybe if they live past the age of 103? This, ladies and gentlemen, is your tax dollars hard at work. While we’re on the subject, shouldn’t I receive something (if not a plaque, at least a certificate or bumper sticker) for sitting through this entire meeting? For those who are interested, the matter was put "under further review".
3:31 p.m.: Although session may or may not have ended (who knows anymore?), I decide to leave for the day. This was easily the most monotonous and tiresome day of my young life, and this time I’m being serious. My girlfriend gives me a look that roughly translates into "because you dragged me to this, you’ll be forced to watch every figure skating event from now until the year 2025".
And that’s about it, from what I can remember at least (there may have been something about budget cuts and tax increases in there, but it was all Greek to me). Now don’t say I don’t ever do anything for my loyal readers.
