Chapter Twenty-Two: If She's Happy, Then I Don't Mind
by thelittletree
Leo arrived at the door to the villa around four the next day. Elira was keeping busy knocking spiderwebs out of corners when he rapped on the door, and when she answered she was still covered in them despite her best efforts. Leo grinned when he saw her.
"You look like you've been attacked by a rogue herd of doilies," he observed, chuckling.
Elira followed his gaze and made a face at him as she brushed a hand through her hair. "Excuse me for wanting to live in a clean house." Not to mention the fact that she was desperate for things to do to keep her mind occupied. "If you don't mind waiting, I'm going to have a quick shower."
"Take your time."
Once she had finished cleaning herself up and picking out some more of Tifa's clothing, she left the bedroom to go find Leo. He was standing in the living room with his back to her, but as she entered he turned to face her, holding something in his hands. "What is this thing?" he asked, and his tone was a mix of amusement and alarm as if he wasn't sure what to feel.
It was the tranquilizer gun. She'd spent part of the morning cleaning the pieces and had forgotten to put it away again. Quickly, she walked up to him and pulled it out of his hands, surprised by her own urge to protect it. "Please don't ask me about it, Leo. I don't want to explain."
His expression began to lean more toward alarm. "You mean it's yours?"
She pursed her lips and glanced around, struggling in her disconcertion to find a place to put it. Eventually, she spotted her backpack and just put it back into its straps. "Well, kind of. I took it from someone."
Leo seemed ready with more questions, but then he gave the facial rendition of a shrug. "Okay. Well, I trust that you're not homicidal..."
Elira scoffed and cast him a sidelong glance. "It doesn't use bullets. It's a tranquilizer gun."
"Oh." Leo's brows drew together as if he were trying to understand an image. "That's...an interesting thing for you to have."
She shrugged a little and went to put on a pair of Tifa's sandals, hoping to get the both of them out of the villa and away from the evidence of the delayed journey.
But Leo's curiousity seemed piqued. "Do you know how to use it?"
She turned to him with a sigh as she fiddled with a buckle. "Do you want to be my target?"
He took the hint and didn't mention it again.
His apartment wasn't far from his shop, and it was a tiny, cramped bachelor's pad with ugly yellow walls and warped linoleum floors. The carpet in his living room was gray and uninspiring. Elira tried not to let her nose wrinkle in distaste, but Leo seemed to get something from her expression. He chuckled. "I know it's not much, but it does the job. Do you want anything? A drink?"
"Water would be nice."
"Water it is." He stepped into the kitchen and then called out, "Sit down on the couch if you like. My translating is behind one of those little sliding doors in my coffee table."
The handles to the little doors looked like they had been broken off years ago. When she found his books, she lay them on the table and began to flip through the Cetra scriptures. A folded piece of paper fell out into her lap and she flinched a little in surprise before pinching it between her fingers.
When Leo came into the room a moment later with two glasses of water, she held it up with an apologetic smile. "Sorry. Did I lose your place?"
He frowned a little and, putting the glasses down, took the paper from her. It wasn't until he opened it that his face showed recognition. "Oh. No. I forgot where I'd put this. This was the first bit of translating I did on one of the trains in Neo-Midgar."
Elira settled herself and picked up her water. "Will you tell me what it says?"
He sat down beside her and his smile told her he didn't need much encouragement. "All right, this was just from a random page, so it might not make a lot of sense, but..." He cleared his throat. "We served Yenowa as we had served the God of our forefathers. But the Chosen One revealed things to us previously unknown and we became aware, like children waking from dreams. With failing power, Yenowa had those of her people who had not deserted capture and kill the Chosen One. Yenowa had the Chosen One sacrificed to her in the common ritual of sacrifice. His heart was cut out of his chest and burned according to the laws of sacrifice. His followers took his body in secret and buried it where Yenowa would not find it. They did not know, as we know now, that the Chosen One had been chosen to die. According to the prophesies, the God of our forefathers raised him up from the pit once his task had been completed. The God of our forefathers raised him up when the power that moves beneath the earth had been chained. Yenowa's power failed her as the demons power failed them and she was betrayed by her own followers. Her body was left on the Frozen Island. We pray it will never be uncovered."
The words were strange and poetic, and Elira didn't realize until Leo had finished speaking how caught up she'd been in the religion of the Cetra some two thousand years ago. A God, a Chosen One, and Yenowa, who she guessed was the more modern 'Jenova'.
"That's amazing," she said, taking another sip from her glass. "You translated all of that on a train?"
"It was a long train ride. The most amazing part is that these facts about their faith have remained hidden for so long. Did anyone know they were monotheistic, or that Jenova was once hailed as a god?"
"I guess it isn't something they teach in schools."
"It certainly isn't." He swiveled on the couch and rummaged for a moment through an endtable drawer. Finally, he pulled out a pen and a battered-looking clipboard that, although its clip seemed on the point of breaking, held a few sheets of paper. "Here," he said, handing these things to her. "Do you want to try a little?"
"Translating?" Elira put her water down and glanced at the pen and paper as if she didn't know what to do with them. "I don't know. I'm sure I'd be terrible."
"Oh, pshaw." Leo waved her self-depreciation away. "No one's an expert when they start. Here." He took the scripture book and opened it to a particular page. "This is where I left off. You can start here. I'll help you look up the words in the lexicon."
"Well, okay." She looked at the markings on the page and then picked up the lexicon from the table. "So, how do I do this?"
Leo showed her how to find the symbols in the back of the book, and then, when she started to get the hang of it, he backed off to leave her to it. Nearly half an hour passed before she finished three sentences and, finally too uncomfortable to go on, she sat up from where she'd been hunched over her lap and cracked her shoulders. "I can see why this isn't everyone's favourite job," she commented with a chuckle.
Leo smiled. "Well, I'm sure most other translators can afford a proper work space. Now, let's hear what you've got."
She lifted the paper up in front of her nose and ostentatiously cleared her throat. "We did not know then, but know now, the nature of demons. We did not realize that every syllable uttered out of their mouths is a lie from the pit. We did not realize that they fear more than they are feared." She expected that Leo would probably get something different out of it than she had; it was an interesting tidbit and, despite her anger at Vincent, she filed it away for later. Maybe he would get some comfort out of the thought that Chaos was probably terrified by this journey and that everything it said was more than likely to be a lie.
Leo grinned and applauded her. "Very well done. And, as a reward, I think I'll take you out for an early dinner and then a walk along the beach."
Elira felt that instinctive, nervous tightening of her features, but she forced it down. This was Leo, not Terry, and he'd said he wasn't trying to woo her. She made herself smile, and it became easier after a moment. "Thank you, Leo. That would be nice."
He returned her smile and, getting up from the couch, held out his hand to her. She took it and he pulled her lightly to her feet. "I know a restaurant that has a great view of the ocean. Not quite as good as the view from the ferry, but..."
"I'm sure it's beautiful."
And it was. The restaurant had been built on a rise in the land and from the eastern windows there was an unobstructed view of the water stretching out until it met the sky. Occasionally as they ate, she would find herself staring out at the perfect blue-green and it made her feel a little homesick for Kalm. Leo, she noticed a few times, seemed more interested in watching her than in looking at the ocean.
The beach was dotted with people, an array of towels and swim suits and various shades of skin. Leo led her first to the surf to let her dip her toes into the water at her request, and then she slipped out of the sandals so that they could walk in the damp, dark sand that sucked at her feet. It felt a little like home and she stared out over the water as if trying to spot a familiar bit of land on the horizon. And Leo didn't speak as if he was trying to leave her space for her memories.
When she finally stirred after a little while, it was to notice that they were coming to the end of the beach. The land in front of them rose into what might have once been a small hill, one side hollowed out into an overhanging cliff, the earth eroded away by tides she doubted came that high anymore. Leo smiled at her before going to find a path over the rocky shallows. His steps were sure enough to make her suspect he came her fairly often. Trusting her balance to the grip of her toes, she followed him.
He stood under the overhang of rock and grass and took a breath. "This is my usual work space," he told her.
Elira glanced around, squinting in the sunlight. "Doesn't it get windy here?"
"Sometimes." He sat down on a patch of white, loose sand and patted the spot beside him. She took the invitation and joined him.
They spent a couple of minutes just sitting in silence, and it was the first time Elira had seen Leo so quiet and still. He sat with his knees drawn up casually and his arms bowed between them as he fiddled with a small piece of soft driftwood, looking out into the water. She began to wonder if he'd always been lonely, if he ever felt homesick for Cosmo Canyon. For a few moments, without the informal confidence of his conversation, she thought she saw a flicker of a the boy he might have been: small and skinny, maybe a little too intelligent and forthright to be very popular. And then he turned to her with an easy smile and the image was broken.
"This is part of the reason I love living here," Leo told her, throwing the driftwood out into the lapping surf. "If I'd thought about it, I could have brought you later and you could've seen the sunset."
Elira shrugged a little and played with the straps on the sandals. "There will be other sunsets." She frowned to herself when she realized that she was thinking about Vincent, trying to recall a time when he'd had his barriers down enough for her to see the boy he must've been. Never, not really. Maybe a little when he'd smiled that once in MiraCletus before they'd gone to the library. Almost a real smile from the part of him that was lonely and had appreciated her company. And maybe in Kalm with Cloud and Tifa when she'd tried to assure him that he wasn't a monster. He'd looked so vulnerable for a second or two...
It felt like these things had happened so long ago, and she shook her head against the anger and ache she felt, like a tightening in her chest. She didn't want to think about him.
"Elira? Are you all right?"
Leo was watching her again. She sighed a little. "I'm fine. Sorry. I guess I just...I don't know."
"You don't have to explain." He shifted over and she felt his arm come around her shoulders again. After a moment, she leaned in to him slightly, her eyes staring idly at a crease in his pants just beside his knee. It felt good to have someone here, she realized, and then had to clench her teeth. But the rest of the thought finished despite her.
'...even if he's not the one I want to be here...'
Leo's fingers brushed along her upper arm, and she heard him take a breath. "Elira, I feel I should tell you that there was another reason for this trip to the beach. I wanted to tell you something. You can stop me anytime you want to, I won't mind."
She just kept staring at the shadows of the crease, though a part of her was warning her to say 'stop' before he could speak at all.
He cleared his throat. "What I told you before, in the cafe, was true. My friendship is unconditional. I don't expect anything from you. But, I can't deny that I'm attracted to you." He sighed a little. "And I like you a lot. I haven't hit it off with someone like this in a long time." He cleared his throat again and she thought she felt a small tremor in his fingers. "Like I said before, I don't know what there is between you and your friend, and I don't want to impose. I don't want to make you feel, either, that you have some responsibility for this. I simply..." He took another breath. "I don't want to look back on these weeks and kick myself later for not saying anything."
She felt unprepared; she didn't know what to say. She didn't know what she felt. Leo was a good person; he was sensitive and open and kind. He had the courage to bare his feelings at the risk of rejection. She found herself thinking that a woman should count herself glad to have a man like this who cared for them. But she couldn't seem to sort out her thoughts. She frowned and worried at her bottom lip with her teeth.
His fingers had still at some point on the skin of her arm. "Elira?"
She swallowed. "Sorry."
"Don't be sorry."
She closed her eyes. "I don't know what to say. Things are complicated right now. I made a promise to Vincent..."
"I know." He paused for a moment. "But you're not staying on the Northern Continent, are you?"
She gave a small laugh through her nose. "That's not the plan, at least."
"So, maybe you'll come back this way. You don't have to tell me anything right now. Or ever, if you don't want."
"Leo..."
She felt him place a small kiss into her hair. "Shh. You don't have to make excuses, and I don't want you to say anything you don't mean."
They stayed there, huddled quietly together under the overhanging rock, for what might have been an hour. And then Leo walked her back to the villa.
She unlocked the door and turned the knob. Before she could open it more than an inch or so, however, Leo stopped her. "Good night, Elira," he said quietly, and he leaned in to kiss her gently on the lips. She accepted the gesture with a smile. "Good night, Leo. I had a really good time today. Thank you."
His mouth turned up in a half grin. "I'm glad I haven't scared you away with my feelings. See you at work?"
"I'll be there."
He turned and started on his way home, and she thought she could hear him whistling faintly as he made his way down the sidewalk. She watched him for a few moments before giving a sigh and heading into the villa.
It was getting dark outside, and she hadn't left any lights on in the house. She closed the door and, with a small curse, struggled to lock it again. Eventually she managed it, and then she slipped wearily out of the sandals, dropping them to the floor one after the other. There was a lamp in the front room, somewhere to her right if she remembered correctly. She turned from the door to look for it.
And screamed. Shrilly.
Vincent didn't move, even to flinch.
He stood like a shadow in the middle of the front room, his clawed hand and eyes glinting in the fading light. He looked for all the world as if he might have been standing there motionlessly for hours.
"Vincent!" Waves of relief and delight at his return washed over her and she nearly gave into the urge to run to him. But then the hurt anger for having been abandoned was there again, like a remembered slap, and she curbed herself, frowning on the pressure of tears she felt behind her eyes. "It hasn't been three weeks." She wanted to make her tone cold and hard, but even she could hear the tremor in her voice. "What are you doing here?"
He gave no apology, made no attempt at reconciliation. His manner, when he spoke, reminded her of the first month she'd hired him when he'd seemed so aloof and untouchable. "I'm almost out of tranquilizers."
She wanted to know how he'd gotten in. She wanted to ask what this had to do with her, but then she remembered that he'd left her all of his gil. Bothered in ways she didn't want to explore by his indifference to her feelings, she merely nodded and went into the living room where she'd left her pack.
She didn't need the light on to find the right pocket, and in a moment she was pulling out a handful of gil. When she was sure she had enough, she stood and turned.
He had moved into the living room doorway. As she approached he held out his arm, palm up, as if to keep the maximum distance available between them. Elira dumped the coins unceremoniously into his hand. His eyes, when they met her own for a second during the transaction, were dark and unreadable. And then he turned away, ready to leave. Elira told herself the sooner he was gone the better, but as he reached out for the doorknob she found herself jumping forward with a cry of: "Wait!"
She was almost surprised when he waited. Not sure what she'd planned to say, she stepped up to his side. He kept his gaze on the door.
"Vincent?"
He didn't turn his head. She felt like she might snap and hit him. "Vincent! Look at me!"
His eyes slid shut and some of the tension drained out of his rigid frame, as if he'd just suffered a defeat. Slowly, he moved to look at her, but his expression remained as blank as a wall.
He seemed so weary; it fairly radiated from him. His clothes were wrinkled and, though she couldn't tell in the dimness, she guessed they were dirty. His hair looked irreparably tangled. Some of Elira's anger faded as she began to wonder, against her will, if this was possibly as hard on him as it was on her. She wondered where he was staying and imagined it was somewhere unpleasant. The sudden desire to bundle him into her arms and force him to stay was so powerful her arms ached with the strength it took to stop herself.
"Vincent." Something in his expression tightened almost invisibly and she realized that he was steeling himself against her, ready to bolt if she regressed into an emotional outburst. She fought a small, inner battle before swallowing back the last of her rage and clearing her throat. This was all about the journey to the Forgotten City, she reminded herself, not her feelings. And there was something she could tell him that might be of some use. "Leo helped me translate some Cetra scriptures today, and I found out something else about demons. They're very afraid, and they always lie. I don't know if that means anything to you, but maybe if Chaos is still talking to you..." She shrugged and the gesture seemed awkward, as if she'd put too much effort into it.
Vincent stared at her wordlessly for a few seconds before he gave a nod and opened the door. Elira followed him until she stood in the doorway, and then she watched him walk away as the sun began to set. His name arrived on her tongue and she almost shouted it after him, but in the end she just set her teeth. He thought this was the best course of action to protect her and maybe she was wrong to question him.
Though she would have preferred another way that didn't leave anyone abandoned. This was her journey, too; she wanted to be involved. But she recognized that this wasn't the time to try and talk to him about it. He'd retreated from her and would only retreat further if she confronted him right now. Though she didn't think she was likely to get another chance before the three weeks were up.
Vincent disappeared into the shadow of a building. Elira pulled herself back into the house and closed the door.
It didn't take long to buy the darts, and then Vincent was on his way north again in the last dregs of sunlight. He didn't want to think. He was tired of thinking, and of trying to repress his thoughts. Elira was upset with him. But it didn't matter. At least she was safe.
She'd been out with Leo, which was why she hadn't been in the villa and he'd had to hunt for an unlocked window to wait for her. At least she wasn't alone. At least someone was looking after her. That was what really mattered.
Leo had kissed her. But it didn't matter.
'...she's mine I want her stay away from her don't touch her...'
He closed his eyes. Maybe she and Leo were in love.
'...stay away from him I want you don't let him touch you don't smile at him or laugh with him or feel for him...'
He clenched his teeth. He hadn't asked for her love. In fact, he'd done everything he could think of to prevent it. He'd asked for her friendship. He'd been pushing the bonds of it, he knew, but although she was angry she was still waiting for him. She'd promised to help him, friend to friend, and so she was. What was his complaint? She was free to fall in love with anyone she wanted...
...himself excluded.
'Perhapsss you ssshould give this up, eh Vincsssent?'
He felt a frustrated despair settle on him. It had been only a couple of hours since he'd awakened and Chaos was already back in his mind. By the end of the three weeks, there would be no time lag; the demon would be strong enough against the tranquilizer to be in his conscious mind at every moment.
But he wouldn't give up. If for no other reason, he wanted to get rid of Chaos so he could finally kill himself.
Assuming he didn't die anyway when the demon was removed; with all of this free time, he'd started wondering lately if the only reason he was still alive was because of Chaos. After seventy years, forty of which he had been possessed, his body wasn't likely to be in the greatest shape.
It didn't matter. He was tired of living, anyway. Life was a series of painful events strung together, one right after another. Not that he didn't deserve it after all he'd done. But if there was no chance for redemption from sin or for happiness, what was the point? If he was just going to be alone again...
If Elira was in love with Leo, the right thing to do would be to let her stay with him. She would be safe and happy, and maybe that would somehow make up for what he'd done to Lucrecia.
And maybe then fate would at least allow him to die...