Poker Joker
“NO!” Demeter wailed as seven are her two week old kittens chose that they weren’t staying in the Jellicle Tribe. They wanted to live with their Uncle Carbucketty. Demeter wanted only what was best for these seven. They were: Strapeed, Bombashus, Maggie, Bo, Markie, Eliot and Biglee, who was tired of being called the runt.
“It’s okay dear,” Munkustrap soothed. “They’ll be fine. Carbucketty is a very…responsible cat.”
“He doesn’t know the truth,” Pouncival muttered to his friends.
Demeter nodded and hung her head. “I’m a terrible mother!” she moaned.
“Oh no! Not at all Honey! Some cats just aren’t made to be Jellicles. It’ll be okay. You’re a wonderful mother—and wife.” He winked. Alonzo nudged him. Munkus turned to Alonzo and grinned. Demeter hugged her children.
“Bye Mommy! Bye Daddy!” the kittens exclaimed as Carbucketty showed them the way to his tribe. As soon as they were out of sight, Demeter burst into tears again.
“Come home honey. I’ll love you forever.” Demeter sulked away.
“There, my fellow cats and dogs, is a very lucky Tom. He gets everything. Beauty, sweetness, and mating,” Alonzo sighed at the thought. Cassandra came behind Alonzo.
“Come on honey. I’ll love you forever if you’re good,” she smiled sweetly.
“Talk to me baby!” he walked away with her. Matropolis and Travisina watched them walk away.
“That’s sick!” Travie exclaimed.
“I’m gonna miss those li’l Tigers,” Matty said, ignoring the Alonzo and Cassandra subject.
“I mean, I can’t believe Cassandra would date your brother. I thought he was too cool for that,” Travie had no relization the subject had been changed.
“I didn’t know ‘em for long, but they were cool.”
“And the agonizing pain this will cause Alonzo!” Trav went on. They kept yaking until they realized they were getting nowhere in the conversation. Not that they did hanging out with Pouncival, Tumblebrutus, Jonathan, George and James, but heck, why not?
“Hiya guys!” James called.
“What are we debating on today?” Matty asked.
“Pouncival’s new Queenfriend.”
“OOH!” Travie said. “I gotta see this!” They ran over to Pouncival.
“You’re too late,” Pouncival said cooly. “We already took our date.”
“Speak up, son!” Jonathan called.
“Oh, it was pretty good. She moved smooth and cool. We talked a bit, ate a bit, stared at the stars a bit…”
“Did she give ya any suger?” Jonathan asked nosily.
“No.”
“Nectar?”
“No.”
“Fructose?”
“Nope.”
“Glycogen?”
“No!” Pouncival laughed. “We just hung out.”
“Pouncival! You can’t even lie good any more! You’re Pouncival. Pouncivals always french their girls,” James reminded him, like he needed to be.
“We decided on not frenching,” Pouncival said. “…until we got outside.” He grinned. Matty and Travie rolled their eyes. Apparently they were the only ones who got the point that the longest relationship Pouncival ever had was with his collar. He french-kissed all his dates. Sometimes they got into it, sometimes they slapped him, or when they were really mad, they kicked him in the teeth, which had happened once before.
So to the point, they knew this was not their kind of conversation. They decided to go hang out with Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer’s friends. They still hung out with the kittens sometimes, but the girls started to lose interest in them. But Matty and Travie admired them. They were actually teaching Matty and Trav, but in secret, of course.
“Draw,” Alonzo said as they turned the corner into Victoria Grove alleyway.
“Old Deut,” Mungojerrie mumbled.
“Loser!” Rumpelteazer laughed. Mungojerrie hated lose. That’s why he didn’t lose. Mungo slammed his cards down. Only Alonzo and Teazer were left playing.
“Okay. I thought I might let ya win since you a lady…” Alonzo began.
“Who you callin’ a lady?” Teazer spit on the ground. The played awhile, paying no attention to Matty and Travie.
“Old DEUT?!” Alonzo screamed. He too, slammed down his cards. “You bitch!”
“Darn tootin’!” Teazer smiled, collecting her money off the table.
“Well, I’m up for another game,” Plato said, shuffling the cards.
“Yeah, a rematch!” Mungojerrie grumbled, obviously angry at the fact his own sister beat him. He’d lost before, but never to Teazer. Alonzo always won.
“Us too!” Matty cried.
“You? Yeah right! You’re too small! When you lose you’ll run home cryin’! Plato snickered. He’d been really rude lately.
“Come on man, you better be careful,” Alonzo warned, knowing they played a lot with their friends and at the bar.
“Careful of them? Why should I?”
“We can play! We can bet too!” Travie replied.
“Yeah? What? Diapers?”
“Asshole,” Matty snapped.
“Alonzo! Do something. She’s your sister. Don’t you ground her for that kinda language?” Plato asked.
“You started with ‘em. Play ‘em. Just you. I wanna see how tough you are,” Alonzo said.
“I need a teammate!”
“I would think you could beat them single-pawed,” Alonzo said. “But I suppose you can have a partner.”
“Boxer,” Plato ordered immediately. He was avery good card pleyer. Not better than Alonzo. That’s how he lost his pants. But he was good at tricking the other players like he used to do where he used to live. The men he just drove nuts and the women he, drove nuts in a different way. But these cats weren’t easily beaten.
Now, they were about to play, when Matty thought she’d show off,. She shuffled the cards up her tail and used her magice to make a disappear and then reappear on Alonzo’s head. She bowed and they started to play.
“Loser has to kiss whoever the winner wants them too,” Travie told them the bet. They agreed.
Plato and Boxer were winning at first, when Matty and Travie got real tough. Boxer tried to charm them, but Travie stuck her tongue out in his face. When he did the same, she grabbed it and yanked it back.
“REOWRR!” He screeched. “Friggen bitch!” Boxer snapped.
“For shame, for shame!” Travie said. “Cursing at a Queen.” They kept playing, and Travie and Matty kept winning. Travie suddeny got the feeling Plato and Boxer were cheating. She just knew they must be. They started to lose. But that wasn’t why. They had the card that they had just a moments ago.
Then a foot whacked her in the toe (under the table). Something hit her toe. She looked under and picked it up. It was a card! The Old Deut Card! They were gonna slip it there and pertend that she and Matty had dropped it , and she and Matty would lose. Then she had an idea. She whispered to Matty. Matty tried not to smile. She whispered to Teazer, closest to her, and a good actress.
“OMIMUNKUSTRAP!” Teazer screamed.
“Munkustrap knows,” Travie sounded soothing.
“But you don’t!” she howled, pointing to Plato and Boxer.
“What?” Plato asked frantically.
“You just dropped a very important card to this game!” Teazer went on.
“We did?” Plato asked. He reached down.
“Plato!” Boxer whined. Plato ignored him. He picked up the card and looked at it.
“Old Deut?!” Plato screeched. “But we—“
“You what?” Matty asked slyly.
“Nothing.”
“Okay,” Travie gleamed. Plato… you kiss…Jellylorum when we get back in the junkyard.”
“And Boxer…”
“But I’m engaged!” Plato screamed.
“WHAT?” everyone gasped. “YOU’RE WHAT?”
“I’m engaged,” he said more quietly.
“To who?” Victor, his best friend, wailed.
“To Etcetra.”
“AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!” Travie and Matty blared.
“WHAT?” everyone repeated.
“We decided we’re in deep, deep love.”
“You made out, didn’t you?” Mungo said. He was calm again.
“No. We made love.”
“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” Matty and Travie blared all over again.
“You guys, we love each other! Etcetra will be as old as me soon…”
“You jackass!” Alonzo chided. “When Etcetra’s as old as you, you’ll be Munkustrap’s age now!”
“Well! I never!” Plato said. “I thought my friends would understand me!”
“That’s just it, Plato!” Victor exclaimed. “We are your friends. And we don’t know why you’ve been keeping this a secret. From us. And we understand you love Etcetra, but you can see that still she is madly crushing on Rum Tum Tugger.”
“She won’t be.”
“Why?” Rumpelteazer looked confused. “How can you keep this from the whole tribe? You have to tell them. Then you’ll get married and keep that a secret?”
“Well, no. We were going to tell them when we knew our friends understand. And support us,” Plato explained.
“We’re your friends and we’ll always support you,” Travie patted Plato on the back.
“And as long as you’re sure you’re ready to be serious, we’re with you all the way,” Alonzo smiled.
“Thanks guys.”
“I think it’s too late to wonder if he’s serious or not,” Mungojerrie grinned. “He’s been there, done that…” They all giggled a little.
“You know you’re still kind of young for this…right? You know that this is a big step and if it doesn’t work, you’ll be lost forever? And that you’re marrying a kitten. And if she has kittens it will be very hard for her to raise since she’s still a kitten,” Victor warned questionably.
“Oh, we’re not having kittens yet. We used protection. And she’s going through heat now. So we know it’ll be awhile till we have a family. And I know this is right for us. We’ve talked about for a long time. And I’m not too young. I’m a full-grown cat and she’s a nice kitten,” Plato said sweetly.
“I was thinking, with all due respect, that maybe you should wait till she’s full grown to be married,” Boxer suggested politely, surprising everyone.
“That’s in a whole year! We’re getting married when she turns one year old. She’ll be half of the way to full-grown.”
“But Plato. She might find that she isn’t ready, and fall ‘in love’ with someone else,” Boxer tried to compromise.
“No. She won’t. We’re lovers. Forever.”
