As she sat there, in her car, she began to think of what had happened; of what she had done and why she had done it. What she thought the most about, what hurt the most when she thought about, it was what her act would do. Not to her, but to others. "Innocent people," she finally choked out, "innocent people." Her voice was soft and her face had not returned to it's natural color yet, but then again she wasn't sure she wanted it to. If her face returned to natural color then her guilt, her pain, and sorrow for those other people would have vanished along with her pale, white face.
Gillian was tired of thinking, tired of feeling guilty for other people, tired of taking care of other people. What about her? What about taking care of herself? Has everybody forgotten she hadn't been that healthy lately? Has everybody forgotten--
She stopped herself, she stopped her thoughts. What was she thinking? Why was she thinking this? The old Gillian would act like this not her, not the real Gillian. She liked helping other people more then anything in the world, and she liked people not making the world revolve around her. She would never be alone, never with Ryan there.
Gillian whispered out into mid air "Ryan..." Her thoughts trailed off, she couldn't think anymore. Her skull was beginning to feel like it was crashing into the wall, she felt her brain on fire. It was the thinking, just all the thinking. She needed to stop, which is what she did in spirit and in a physical matter.
That's when she looked up for the first time since she had gotten into her car. Her voice now steady and strong but no more then a whisper, "The boathouse," Gillian had stopped at the boathouse, "Of all places to stop!" She finally said after a moment of silence.
"A moment." Some long moment she thought to herself. That single second in time where she looked up at the place she and Ryan spent their last nights of happiness, their last nights together as a couple. That moment where she looked into her past, that moment lasted forever. That split second in time she felt Ryan's arms go around her, she felt his warm lips on hers; in that single second in time she was happy again.
That feeling stopped when she saw what really lied in front of her: an empty, cold, shack. Gillian had been seeing something that wasn' t there; not just the boat house, but everyhting. She saw herself as un-wanted and selfish, but she wasn't. She wasn't empty or cold like this boat house, no not her, she was warm like that feeling she had felt just a second ago. So what if she was confused and scared? She was still her, and that's what mattered.
Gillian had figured out something while sitting there in her car; she didn't figure out everything, but she figured out enough. Well, enough for now, enough for her at the moment. Gillian now just wanted to be alone and clear her mind of everything.
Gillian curled up on the floor and wrapped her arms around her legs tightly. She stared into the sky, into nowhere. She had pushed her thoughts to the very back of her mind and refused to let them re-surface. She couldn't stop them though, all her thoughts about what she had done came rushing back to her all at once. Now she had to face it, face them and then leave them behind her. "It's not like a killed a person," she said outloud. Gillian knew saying things outloud and hearing them for yourself always helped so that is what she was going to do. She was going to say it outloud but to herself. Her voice kept steady and not a tear drop came down as she started to tell herself her story.
"What i did wasn't so bad. I mean so what, I got a little drunk? I can't help that. I had a bad day and i had one drink and then another and i un-knowingly slept with Marty. I'm not pregnant and he was healthy, I just made a stupid mistake and i have to face it. Nothing more and nothing less."
Gillian felt better now that she had heard herself tell the story, even if it was to no one but her.
[Screech--------------]
Her thoughts where soon inturrupted by what sounded like a speeding car coming to a quick halting stop. She looked through the boxes to see what was going on. She saw two men get out of the front seat and then grab two other men from the backseat.
[Footstep]
[Footstep]
[Footstep]
The footsteps finally reached the boat house; once inside, one of the two men she saw get out of the car first, pulled out his gun. He turned around slowly and smiled a smile that sent chills up her back. Then he put up his gun and fired. One of the men fell to the floor and started bleeding so much blood. Gillian shut her eyes tight as a tear came puring down her cold, white, scared face. Then another shot was fired and the man on the floor yelled in pain, still the two men from the front kept firing until he had died.
Gillian couldn't sit there and let them kill the other man, she just couldn't do that. So she started to rise slowly but then fell to the ground, a body was on top of her and covered her mouth so she couldn't scream. She should have been scared but she wasn't. This body on top of her was too gentle with her to be someones killer. That's when she reliazed the other man, the other man who sat in the backseat, wasn't there. He was holding her down so she wouldn't get hurt or even killed. She heard his whispered voice, "You have to stay down, they'll kill you if you don't." He looked up slightly to see if the men where coming near, which they were. Both of the killer's had noticed the other man had dissaperead and wasn't going to just leave him to live.
Then the worse possible thing happened, a creek in the board had been heard and the two men turned around to see this innocent guy's head and shot him to death right there.
His body fell on Gillian and the blood from where he had been shot was on her now. She was frozen stiff, as she lay there with this innocent man's blood on her. A tear came down her cheek as she lay there hoping she would live, hoping they wouldn't see her. She heard the sound of the car pull out and she sighed in relief but only for a second was she happy that she had lived. There was still a man's body on her, a total strangers dead body on her who wouldn't let her die.