The Good Guys:

...like a zeppelin, baby...

"... more of what you'd call an idiotic anachronism."

Greg Lawrence:  Plays Private Dick Butch Patterson, a sexist, kleptomaniac private investigator with serious alcohol problems and a host of neuroses (mostly related to tailors, occasionally petting-zoos).  Works with sometimes-partner Blanche DuMaurier, for whom he carries a small flame (when not obscured by alcoholic fog).

"she was the kind of girl that could make me think seriously about a picket fence and a cosy bungalow with a special room in the basement with tv lights and a camera where you can make your own dirty movies."

Vivian Burns:  Plays newspaper reporter Blanche DuMaurier, Butch's livelihood when he runs out of capital.  Assets include a steady job, self-confidence and a vehicle, all of which make her invaluable to Butch.  She is dedicated to the downfall of Tommy Rubella and Debbie Hitler.

The Bad Guys:

"...too sensitive to be a bloodthirsty crime lord."

David L. McCallum:  Plays underground drug king and part-time gangster Tommy Rubella, the man in charge who is connected to anything evil or capitalistic, and who controls the underworld.  Tommy is married to Blanche's nemesis Debbie Hitler.

"...bloodthirsty mistress of unimaginable pain and humilation."

Susan Brooks:  Plays  bondage/sadomasochist-queen (and small engine repair while-you-wait) Debbie Hitler, Tommy's sex goddess/wife.  She, too, is involved in illegal activity, and while Blanche tries to ensnare her in her own web, she gambles hard and tries to seduce Butch Patterson. She has a big deck fetish.  A really big deck fetish....

The Supporting Cast:

Frank (David Younger) is the poor guy that Butch crank calls... three or four times a week for eleven years, ruining his marriage and provoking him to extremes.

Helen (Gabrielle MacKenzie) is the barmaid at Butch's mailing address--a bar.  She's had a rough life, but hopes to make a clean break in Germany at Oktoberfest.  Well, who says a girl can't dream?

Mom (Carol Levie) is (surprisingly enough) Butch's mom.  He owes her five and a half years in back rent... so she hunts him down like an animal and beats the snot out of him.


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(quotes courtesy of Greg Lawrence)