ARTICLE: BUTCHIE'S BACK!! Moronic musings from Butch Patterson: Private Dick.
February 4, 2000.

10. So then I says to the guy... "Guy, until you've walked a mile in my shoes, you don't know from hats.  So up yours, you big blousy toe-nail painting son-of-a-bitch."
9. Word of advice: when you're drinking on the job, stick to vodka. It don't leave no boozey-booze stink on your breath.
8. Take it down a notch, party girl.  Old Butchie here ain't about to let the circus bears start booking their own manicures.
7. The whole scene exuded a pathos that hung around my neck like the cameo necklace I favoured in what my psychiatrist called Butch's "girly phase."
6. I'd learned long ago that the worst thing you could do was give a tailor the upper hand.  The wolrd was full of people who thought they were just getting into an inseam measurement and ended up in therapy instead.  You show me a room full of tailors and I'll show you the reason for half the misery in this world.
5. Cool your jets, sparkle-pants. I an't in no condition to be making love.
4. Yeah, well nobody likes a show off: "look at me, I'm Mona DiPesto, I'm so cool because I can control my bladder and bowels...." Why don't you just go straight to hell!!
3. I'm with a client. You'll have to wait.  You might want to use the time to think about why you're such an asshole.
2. If you've got a schedule going, how's about letting me know when you're going to be ready to have sex. I mean, if we're talking a long time from now... a) I could be drinking and, b) I gotta set aside some coin to keep me in whores until then....
1. I do some of my best work sans pants.

Butch Patterson: Private Dick stars Greg Lawrence as a moronic gumshoe with a fondness for the bottle and a weakness for blow-up dolls.  In thirteen new, half-hour "chapters" full of femmes fatales and corrupt hoodlums, the down-on-his-luck P.I. stumbles through a new series of scandalous misdeeds and misadventures.  The series unfolds serail-style, with all the twisted cliches and characters of a pulp fiction novel.

An original Comedy Network production shot entirely in Ottawa, Butch Patterson is also written, directed and produced by Lawrence, who is additionally responsible for The Comedy Network's animated series Kevin Spencer.