The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words.
She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples
of words with more than one syllable.
"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"
After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.
"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day. Does anyone know another word?"
Johnny from the back of the room yells, "I do! I do!"
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.
"OK Mike, what is your word." Saturday says Mike.
"Great, that has three syllables..."
Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny
what is your four syllable word?"
Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."
Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says,
"Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."
"No Ma'am, your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."
Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of
water.Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act.
Before his father can even react, Little Johnny exclaims,
"Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"
Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing
the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town.
Pretty soon Mommy starts moaning and gasping.
Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me
and the milkman usually get bucked off!"
A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by
his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a
man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing
this several times. One day he came home from school and heard her
moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran to his room, took off his clothes,
threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning,
"Oh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her
fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for
sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire
lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for
examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand. "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs."
"Very good, William," cooed the teacher.
"My mommy had a baby," said Little Esther.
"Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.
Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand.
With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him.
"I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger.
He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians.
And they all attacked at one time. And
he killed every one of them with his two guns."
The teacher was relieved, but puzzled,
"And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?"
"It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."
Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some
rubbers. The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter.
Johnny looks at the rubbers and asks the chemist if he has any
other kind. The chemist goes into the back and brings out another pack.
"Nah," says Johnny, "what else do you have?"
"Well," the chemist replies, "the only other kind that I have are
the ones with all the bumps and ridges on them.
Do you know what these will do to a woman?"
Little Johnny says, "No... but they'll make a goat jump about two
feet off of the ground!"
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He says, "Hey Dad! What are you doin?"
His father says, "I'm filling your mother's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage.
The milkman filled her this morning."
Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her
hand. "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. "Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years.
Do you really expect me to believe that?" "It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny.
"I had to force him, but he ate it!"
Johnny comes home from school, and says to his mom, "Mommy, I learned the alphabet today!
The rest of the class messed up around F, but I made it all the way through!"
Johnny's mom says, "Very good, son. That's because you're an American."
Johnny comes home the next day and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, I counted to a hundred today!
Everyone else couldn't get past 60, but I made it all the way to 100!"
And his mom says, "Excellent. That's because you're an American."
The next day, Johnny comes home and says, "Mommy, the teacher measured everyone's
height in class today, and I was taller than everyone. Is that 'cause I'm an American?"
His mom shakes her head and says, "No, honey; that's because you're twenty-six."
A man was driving down the street when he saw little Johnny with a fireman's hat on sitting in a
little red wagon being pulled by a black lab. He thought, ‘this has to be the cutest thing I've
ever seen. I've got to stop and talk to this little boy.' He got out, looked and said "Son,
that sure is a nice fire engine you've got there but, don't you think he would pull a
little better if you had that rope tied around his neck instead of his balls?" Johnny looked at
him and said, "Well, I guess he'd pull better but, then I wouldn't have a siren!"
