Why to lawyers wear neckties?
To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities
Why will a rattlesnake never bite a lawyer?
Professional courtesy.
What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman
What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving?
Skeet
A recently married couple retire to their honeymoon suite. Before hopping into bed the bride
says, "Now honey, you'll be gentle with me won't you. You know that I'm still a virgin."
This clearly surprises the man, "What are you saying. Aren't I your third husband?"
The woman replied, "Yes, but my first husband was a psychologist and all he liked
to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist and all he liked to do
was look at it. Since you're a lawyer, I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna get screwed!"
Do you know the problem with lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don't think they're funny, and the rest of us don't think they're jokes
Do you know what happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
He gets taller.
Two tigers are walking along a jungle trail in single file. The rearmost tiger wanders off the trail
for a few minutes, then reappears shortly thereafter. A few moments later, the front tiger
feels what seems to be the other tiger's tongue, applied just below his tail. The tiger
disapproves of this action, but doesn't want to start anything by bringing it up. Then, the tiger
again feels the tongue, again in the same place.
He decides to confront the after tiger, and asks him, "Did you just lick me twice in the butt?"
The other tiger replied, "Yeah, sorry about that. I just ate a lawyer and I was trying to get
the taste out of my mouth."
If your husband and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose.....
would you go to lunch or a movie?
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