You Know You're a Redneck If ........
You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
You've ever been too drunk to fish.
Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor
Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
You're fishing license is current.....You're drivers license isn't.
Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.
You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.
You've ever pruned your trees with a shotgun.
Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room
You don't use a garbage service because it must be placed up near the mail box and you can't see
far enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbor's dogs when they get into it .
You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill up the pickup
You have more than 500 rounds of ammunition in your house....not including 22 caliber
You're watching the Beverly Hillbillies and the mention of
Granny's pickled owl gizzards throws a craving on you
You can spit outta the drivers window without hitting any of the passengers on the back o' yer pick-up!
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive
You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame
You own a Homemade fur coat
Your Momma has "Ammo" on her Christmas list
The taillight covers on your car are made of tape
There is a gun rack on your bicycle
Your brother-in-law is also your uncle
You own all the components of soap on a rope.....except the soap
You've ever barbecued spam on the grill
Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language
None of your shirts cover your stomach
Your school fight song was "Dueling banjos"
You've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow
You've ever shot a deer from inside your house
You prefer car keys to Q-tips
You've ever bought a used cap
You've ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight
Your screen door has no screen
You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister and girlfriend and you only need one gift
Your gene pool doesn't have a deep end
Your huntin' dawg costs more than the truck you drive him around in
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men
You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it
You fish in your above ground pool.......and catch something
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub
You wife's best shoes have steel toes
Your secret family recipe is illegal
Your turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer
You take a fishing pole to Sea World
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it
Your dad says "Let's hit the road for dinner",and then grabs a shovel
You ever called your sister "mom" and didn't have to correct yourself
Your lips move while reading a stop sign
You have ever written a check for less than a dollar
There's a pothole in the road and you swerve.....to hit it
You refer to your dog as the dishwasher
Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.
You've ever absent-mindedly nibbled on your live bait.....and you didn't spit it out
Your dog's shots are up to date but your kids aren't
You've ever re-used a paper plate
You use a pig as a garbage disposal
None of your zippers have all their teeth either
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