Blond Jokes
Q. What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A. A blow job with handlebars
Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?
A. It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.
Why did the blonde with a big pussy douche with crest?
She heard that it reduces cavities.
What's the difference between a blonde and a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
What is the difference between a blonde and a prostitute?
Prostitutes don't drive Ferrari's
Why don't blondes like anal sex?
They don`t like their brains being screwed with.
What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)?
"'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
Have you heard about the blonde virgin?
She hangs out with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus
Did you hear about the blonde who was blind for ten years?
It was really sad. One morning she just forgot to open her eyes.
Why didn't the blonde go to the movies on buck night?
Because she couldn't fit the deer into her car!
What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball!
How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.
What did the blonde think of the new computer?
She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Why do blondes smile when they see lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.
Why do blondes have more fun?
They are easier to keep amused.
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Why don't blondes double recipes?
The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
"What's a lightbulb?"
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.
Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.
A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21".
A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21".
Suddenly, the brunette hears a train whistle, and she jumps off the tracks just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place.
The brunette goes back to jumping from rail to rail, counting, 22" "22""22".
What does the average blond get on an IQ test?
Drool.
What did the blonde say about 'Blonde jokes'?
They were pretty good but might offend some Puerto Ricans.
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Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the banana peel on the floor?
A. Oh no, I'm going to fall again!
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What is a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme dumpme.
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What's the blonde mating call?
I'm soooooo drunk.
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What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Walks home.
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Why did the blonde have a bruised navel?
Her boyfriend was blonde too.
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Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
Because at 69 they blow a rod...
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Why do blonds take the pill?
So they know what day of the week it is.
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Why did she stop using the pill?
It kept falling out.
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What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you smack it.
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Did you hear about the blond coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs, and was still stuck.
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A government study has shown that blonds do have more fun, they just don't remember who with
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Why is a blond like a turtle?
When they're on their backs they're fucked.
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Why don't blonds use vibrators?
They chip their teeth.
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Why do blonds like tilt steering?
More head room.
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Why do blonds use tampons with extra long strings?
So the crabs can go bungee jumping.
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How did the blond die ice fishing?
She was run over by the zamboni machine.
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What's 74 to a blond?
69 plus G.S.T.
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What's the difference between a blond and a guy?
The blond has a higher sperm count.
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How many blonds does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
3 one to mix the dough and 2 to squeeze the rabbit.
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Why do blonds have 2 more brain cells that cows?
So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
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What do you get when you cross a blond and a lawyer?
Something that when it gives you a blowjob, it won't stop til it gets blood.
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What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell, she's got a hand grenade in her mouth
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Why do blonds get confused in the bathroom?
Because they have to pull their own pants down.
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What's the difference between a young blonde and an old blonde?
Vaseline and poly-grip
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What's the difference between a blonde and a bitch?
A blonde will fuck anyone, a bitch will fuck anyone but you
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What is every blonde's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet
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How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't, they're born that way
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Did you hear about the blonde who said she'd do anything for a fur coat?
Well now she can't button it
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Why do blonde's make their men wear condoms?
So they can have a doggie bag for later
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Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
From eating with forks
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Why do blondes put their hair up in ponytails?
To cover up the valve stem
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What do you call a skeleton in your closet with blonde hair?
Last years hide and go seek winner
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What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever
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What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
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What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
It costs a quarter to use the phone
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What did the blonde do when she got her period?
Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her.
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Did you hear about the blonde who put lipstick on her forehead?
She wanted to make up her mind
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Two blondes are walking when one looks down and says "Look at the deer tracks".
The other looks and says "No they're wolf tracks".
Neither one backs down and they are still arguing half an hour later when they were both hit by a train.
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Why did the blonde sell her car?
She needed gas money
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Why can't you tell blondes knock knock jokes?
Because they go and answer the door.
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Why was the blonde snorting Nutra-Sweet?
She thought it was diet coke.
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A blonde man bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that he cut the tail of one of the horses and that worked great till the other horse got his tail stuck in some bushes and it tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail, and our friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested that the blonde guy notch the ear of the horses. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again, our friend couldn't tell them apart. Then the neighbor suggested he measure the horses for height. When he did, the blonde man was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black horse.
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A blonde called the police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal... even the acelerator," she cried. However, before the police investigation could began the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line.."Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
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SHE WAS SOOO BLONDE THAT.....
*She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said concentrate.
*She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*She told me to meet her at the corner of WALK & DON'T WALK.
*She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*She thought a "quarterback" was a refund.
*She tripped over the cordless phone.
*At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here" she put Sagittarius.
*It takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
*If she spoke her mind, she'd have nothing to say.
*She studied for her blood test...and failed.
*She thought Boyz ll Men was a daycare center.
*When she the NC17(under 17 not admitted) she went home and got 16 of her friends.
*She heard that 90% of all accidents happen around the house..so she moved.
*She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Phone Company.
*When she was on the highway going to the airport she saw a sign that said "Airport Left" so she turned around and went home.
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A blonde goes into a salon for a haircut. She's wearing headphones and when the stylist asks her to remove them the blonde says "I can't or I will die!!" So the stylist sighs and begins to cut the ends of her hair and she falls asleep. "I'll just take these off to cut her hair, she won't notice." So the stylist does just that. About 3 minutes later, the blonde falls out of the chair, dead. Shocked, the stylist couldn't believe that it had anything to do with the headphones and decided to see what she was listening to. When she put the headphones up to her ears, she heard these words repeated, "Breath in, Breath out..."
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are riding the elevator from the 14th floor to the lobby. The redhead notices a spot on the wall and says, "That looks like a cum stain." The brunette leans over and smells the stain,"Smells like a cum stain." The blonde leans over, tastes the spot, and says "Well it's nobody from this building."
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Two blondes were walking down a street. One noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it up, looked in the mirror and said,"Hmmm..this person looks familiar." The second blonde said "Let me look!" the first blonde handed her the compact. The second blonde looked in the mirror and said, "You dumb shit, it's me!"
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