My resignation as a Man
To whom it may concern,
I would like to officially tender my resignation as a man. I
would like to accept the rights and responsibilities of a woman.
I'd like to have "woman's intuition" but expect my date to be psychic.
I'd like to go out on a date and pay for nothing.
I'd like to be able to wear miniskirts to work and consider it ‘business professional attire'.
I want to cry and not be called a baby.
I want to get a wedding ring without buying one.
I want to pamper my children, but leave the punishments for when ‘your father gets home'.
I'd know that I could ‘stay at home' instead of work and everybody would think that's a noble sacrifice.
I'd know that my partner would try any kinky thing I could come up with.
I'd know that turning on my partner would be as easy as an enticing smile.
I'd think shopping was a hobby.
I'd think fellatio was gross, but cunnilingus romantic.
I'd think every tiny package holds expensive jewelry, and pout if it did not.
I could blame my figure flaws on childbirth, and treat them like honorable war wounds.
I could get some guy to lift anything heavy or reach anything placed up high.
I could use ‘cramps' as an excuse to take a sick day, and no one would question me.
I would daydream of being a princess, riding unicorns, and being rescued by the hero of the story.
I would read trashy novels and disdain men's use of pornography.
I would pack a dozen suitcases full of lead bricks, secure in the knowledge that I won't be the one carrying them.
It would be my right to be fickle, my prerogative to change my mind.
It would be ok to be weak, acceptable to need help.
It would be the man's job to slay the horrible monster, while I get to do the sensible thing and run.
No one would draft me into war.
And I could finally win the damned toilet seat argument.
So here's my accountability, my logic, and my reason. I am
officially resigning from being a man. Bring on the sad movies, the
shopping malls, and the athletes saying "Hi Mom!" to the cameras and
never "Hi Dad." ... I want to be a woman!
Granted, I stand a good chance of being a *lesbian* woman...
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