A little of this, a little of that. Anything that may help to make you smile!
Can You Operate That Thing?
In Tulsa, Oklahoma it is unlawful for someone to open a soda bottle without having a licensed engineer present.
In Other Words . . .
Three men were asked what they would want to be said about them at their funerals. The first one said, "I want someone to say I was a wonderful father." The second man said, "I want someone to say I was the greatest baseball player ever." The last man said, "I want someone to say, 'He's moving, he's moving!'"
That's The Way It Happened!
This is a collection of descriptions of insurance claimants.
The list probably includes some that are "flowered" up a bit,
but they are still pretty funny. Enjoy!
* Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
* I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
* I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
* A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
* The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve several times before I hit him.
* I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother in law and headed over the embankment.
* In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
* As I approached the intersection a sign appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
* I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
AN OLDIE BUT A GOODIE...
JOKE of the Week Courtesy of Laughers.com
On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module,
Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.
His first words after stepping on the moon, "That's one small
step for a man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to
Earth and heard by millions. But just before he reentered the
lander, he made the enigmatic remark: "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning
some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was
no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the
"Good luck Mr.Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always
just smiled.
On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering
questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26
year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally
responded. Mr. Gorsky had died and so Neil Armstrong felt he
could answer the question. In 1938 when he was a kid in a
small Midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in
the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball, which landed in his
neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr.
and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young
Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky: "Sex! You
want sex?! You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
Dumb Product Warning -- All Fired Up And No Place To Go!
Clairol Herbal Essences Maximum Hold Hairspray: Do not smoke until hair is dry.
Or else it will be GONE!!!!
WATER vs COKE!
We all know that water is important but I've never seen it
written down like this before-----
Water:
75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely
applies to half world pop.)
In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is
often mistaken for hunger.
Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.
One glass of water shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost
100% of the dieters studied in a U-Washington study.
Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day
could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of
sufferers.
A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term
memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the
computer screen or on a printed page.
Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon
cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by
79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
Coke:
In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two
gallons of Coke in the truck to remove blood from the highway
after a car accident.
You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be
gone in two days.
To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet
bowl and.......Let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush
clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper
with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped
in Coca-Cola.
To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of
Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in
Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the
baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty
minutes before the ham is finished, Remove the foil, allowing
the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.
To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a
load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular
cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will
also clean road haze from your windshield.
FYI:
The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid.
Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.
To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial
truck must use the hazardous material place cards reserved for
highly corrosive materials.
The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the
engines of their trucks for about 20 years!
