Is It Us or Is It Them?

“I’m dissatisfied with my employees.”
“Why?”
“They just don’t seem to be motivated. I guess they don’t care how we do.”
“Why don’t you try some new incentives? I’ve got a new catalog of employee rewards.”
Stop!
I hear discussions like this all the time. And they make me crazy! The problem is that people usually answer that “why?” question thoughtlessly. And thoughtless answers always seem to be about your employees: their attitude, their motivation, their values. Which leads to programs designed to change your people’s attitudes, motivation, and values. But these are hard things to change, and they are seldom at the root of the problem anyway. The first place a manager should look whenever employees underperform is in the mirror.

It’s hard to take that honest closeup look at yourself, I admit. But the good news is that, once you do, the “fixes” are usually far easier and more effective. Because:

It’s considerably easier to change yourself than to change everyone else!

Whenever you find yourself asking why employees don’t seem to be motivated, take the time to explore the reasons fully. There are always at least two types of answers to that question, so check that you have covered the following two groups of answers, not just one.

Them Answers vs. Us Answers
The first group, the one we typically give, is answers that have to do with Them. The second group, the one we usually overlook, is answers that have to do with Us.

But the Us group generally is at the root of Them problems. For instance (to make it very simple), if one of the things about us is that we are not nice to them, then they will have a negative attitude toward us. But programs designed to work on their negative attitude will fail because that is not the real problem; it’s just a symptom of our behavior.

I’ll tell you a personal story to illustrate this point, even though it is a bit embarrassing. I was worried at one stage that my two older boys were developing bad tempers because they often cursed when they encountered a minor frustration. I took a tough line on cursing, telling them in no uncertain terms I never wanted to hear it again. And I also explained to them that instead of getting frustrated by minor setbacks, they ought to apply their problem-solving skills instead. But for some months, my admonitions went unheeded. Finally, one night when I was washing up after dinner, my wife said to me:

“There you go again. You’ll never get the boys to clean up their act when you keep doing that.”
“Doing what?” I answered in surprise.
“Aren’t you listening to yourself?” she replied. “You just swore when you dropped that pan. In fact, every time you do the dishes, you curse a blue streak.”
“Oh.”
It’s amazing the things we don’t know about ourselves! I hadn’t ever really thought about it, but in fact my boys were simply mimicking me. And once I broke my own habit, their bad habit disappeared without a trace. (Fortunately, that’s the only bad habit I’ve ever had. Right? )

So when managers say their people have a motivation problem, they are probably “blaming the victim” as the old (and true) saying goes. Their natural use of Them answers may be blinding them to some simple Us answers.

Before you say, “My employees have a motivation problem,” stop and think whether it is really them. Could it be you who has a problem? And if it is, then you have the less comfortable but far easier task of changing your own behavior, instead of theirs. Remember, when it comes to motivating and managing people, it is generally far easier and more effective to Change your own behavior instead of theirs!