Avoiding Controversy at Home
Written by Mrs. Beverly Hyles in her book "Assembling a Leader".
"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, terderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:31-32)
The greatness of any leader-whether he is the pastor or the associate pastor, the bus director or the youth director- is not determined by what he does in public; his greatness comes from his private walk with the Lord. The unseen things in his life are what really make him great. Now, we judge a man's greatness by what he does, what he adds to the church, or the souls he brings in. However, a man won't be great unless he's great in his private time and great in his home. You say, "But, Mrs. Hyles, we have tiffs in our home." Everybody who is married can probably say the same thing. Mrs. Lee Roberson once said, "Where two people always afree, one of them is unnecessary." Your're not always going to see everything eye to eye, but there are ways to learn to live together when you don't agree while still having a preaceful home shere the Spirit of God prevails and when peace is more normal than fussing. Controversy should be abnormal when it does occur. The following imaginary (but all too real) conversation between a husband and a wife perfectly illustrates how minor controversy can be a real hindrance to both of you getting your minds on what God wants you to do. Husband: Hey, honey! (laugh) You're becoming a master at burning up the toast. Are you taking a class on that or something? Wife: No (with mock sweetness). Are you taking a class to learn how to be so insulting? Besides you can always to eat somewhere else, if you'd rather. Husband: You don't need to get all hot and bothered. All I want is some decent toast. Wife: Is your finger broken? If you don't like my toast, perhaps you could strain yourself enough to fix your own! Husband: At least scrape off the black, will you? Wife: Scrape it yourself! I'm busy dressing YOUR children. That's how it got burned in the first place. Husband: Well, if that's the way you feel, I just won't eat. I'll drink my coffee and go on to church. I'm going to the car. Wife: Good. Maybe some coffee will settle your nerves! Husband: Boy, are you getting to be a hateful shrew! Wife: Anybody would who lived with you! Husband: (With exaggerated patience) I'm just going to forget you said that. I'm going to finish dressing, and I'll be waiting in the car. Wife: Don't overexert yourself! Husband: Now, when I honk the horn, you have all five kids coated up and ready, and you get out to the car. I don't want to be late AGAIN. A few minutes later, to the accompaniment of a car horn we hear this: Wife: (disgustedly) That's a man for you. (HONK!) He doesn't mind having the kids, but he doesn't want to help dress them! (HONK!) Husband: (from the car) Where is that woman? We're going to be late. She'll be late for her funeral! (HONK!) Wife: (in the house) I wonder if that disgusting noise is coming from the car or him? Of course, the Sunday school lesson you're going to teach that day is about the peace of God. Your husband's sermon is on the home. As you teach your lesson, you'll probably realize that you're not very peaceful and you're contributing to the lack of peace in your home. Did you know that you can't have a fuss unless two people participate? If one of the two would just shut up, fusses would never happen. For instance, if your husband says, "Are you taking a course on burning the toast," he's really just being lightly insulting at that point. You should be wise enough to just laugh and say, "Yeah, I made an At!" or "Would you like me to make another piece for you? Would that be so hard? Of course not! Yet, you have World War III over such trivial things in your homes. Then you continue in the same way when you get in the car. By the time you arrive at church, you're ready to kill each other! The the moment you open the car door, you put on your Sunday faces and pretend to be so nice. In your hearts, you think, "Yuck! You know, I want to go home; I don't want to do all that I have to do. I don't even want to face it." Your husband isn't ready to do what he needs to do either. It's so important to learn that your public service must be backed up with private times of peaceful, loving coexistence together, walking with the Lord together, and loving the Lord together. Of course there will be times when you and your husband will disagree, but you need to learn to desagree agreeably.
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