Opening scene: The Celebrity Deathmatch Arena. Johnny Gomez and Nick Diamond are preparing to go on the air.
JG: Hi, I'm Johnny Gomez.
ND: Hi, and I'm Nick Diamond, and tonight is our "Boy Band Fight to the Death".
JG: That's right, Nick. We've got two awesome, kick ass fights for our viewers tonight, and both are gonna be right in your face! First up, we've got *NSYNC vs. Limp Bizkit, and then our main fight is The Backstreet Boys vs. Korn.
(Teenyboppers scream, wail and faint away in the audience.)
ND: Now, Limp Bizkit seems to have offended *NSYNC. See, on Bizkit's new cd, Significant Other, Matt Pinfield of MTV fame calls every boyband every name in the book! And Korn is fighting BSB, well, cause they just don't like the Backstreet Boys, I guess. But it looks like fans are getting on their own deathmatches tonight, can we get a shot of the audience?
(Cameras pan the crowd..Angry girls wearing Korn and Limp Bizkit shirts are kicking the shit out of BSB and *NSYNC fans. *NSYNC fans and BSB fans are ganging up on the Bizkit/Korn chicks and ripping out hair right and left.)
JG: Wow, guess you're right, Nick.
ND: And look who's entered the arena!
( A loud voice comes over the p.a. system: "Ladies and Gentlemen..The one, the only, Limp Bizkit!" Huge cheers, lots of boos. Fred is wearing a shirt that says Limp Bizkit Is Better Than Everyone)
Fred: We in Limp Bizkit have decided to meet *NSYNC's challenge and come on the show...
Wes: And kick their pansy asses!
( HUGE cheer from the Bizkit/Korn fans...)
Fred and the boys enter the ring....
JG: Uh oh, here comes *NSYNC, and it looks like they brought some fans!
(*NSYNC comes out, Bizkit style, with loads of fans, not to mention HUGE HULKING security guards)
Sam Rivers: What the hell???
ND: I wonder if Mills Lane is gonna allow that in his ring!
Mills Lane: What the hell do you think you're doing?
Justin: Yo, Mills, what's happenin? I just broughts some of my homies, you down with that?
Mills Lane: What the hell did you say, young man?
Lance: I'll translate. (sighs) He says, he just brought a few friends and he wants to know if that's okay.
Mills Lane: It's sure as hell NOT okay. Don't think I don't know why you punks brought those security guards for. Fight like the 5 men you are!
Justin: Word to yo mutha.
ML: What???
Chris: Actually, I'd like to say there's only 4. Lance is somewhere in the middle, I think. I think the only one here who knows what the hell Lance is is Joey..
Joey: Okay, so I sleep with him, so what?
Lance: I love you, Joey...
Joey: Eww, get away!
Lance: Look, Joey, it's a cookie...
Joey: COOKIE! Where? (Grabs cookie from Lance's hand) I love you too, Lance.
Lance: That's what I thought, baby...
Fred looks really disgusted.
Fred: Lance, you could do so much better, I mean, if you're gonna fuck someone, fuck someone who appreciates you. If you can't find that, just find a really good lookin' person. Like me, I found Carmen Electra...
John: Shut the fuck up with the Carmen shit, okay?
Mills Lane: Let's get it on!
(*NSYNC and Bizkit begin to circle the ring. Except for Joey....He begins to chomp down on some chips one of the security guards was eating..)
Wes: Oh, you think you're Superman, eh? I'll show you Superman, you ass...
(Wes takes a flying leap...directly on Joey and begins to beat the living crap out of him...screams are heard. Bizkit and Korn fans begin to cheer loudly)
DJ Lethal: Jesus, look at Wes go!
(Wes angrily rips one of Joey's arms off and begins to beat him with it.)
Sam: Holy shit, Wes forgot to take his medicine for his ADD shit today!
Fred: Kick ass!
(While the members of Bizkit are watching Wes kick the shit out of Joey, Pansy Ass Timberlake sneaks up behind Sam *what a fine guy* Rivers and begins to choke him)
Fred: Aah, what the hell are you doing to my bassist?
(Timberlake continues to choke away..)
(John whips out his trusty drum sticks and stabs Justin straight through the eye...and the heart)
Justin: Damn, yo, that be hurtin. Tight, yo, look at all dose colors....(falls down dead)
(collective gasp is heard through the arena)
Meanwhile, Joey has begun screaming/ singing....
Wes: Stop, damnit!
Joey: AhHhH!
(in one swoop, wes reaches down, rips out Joey's vocal cords and uses them to strangle him)
Wes: Hell yeah!
(Sam jumps up and runs toward Chris..)
Chris: What the hell are you doing?
(Sam makes a pit stop at the side of the ring, grabs his trusty bass and bludgeons Chris with it, and right before he falls, Sam uses it as a trusty bat and knocks Chris' punk ass out of the arena. Huge cheers, lots of boos.)
Lance: You hurt my MAN!!!!!! AAAAAAHHH!
Lance angrily runs toward Fred....
Fred: Your man, look dude, I told ya once, I'll tell you again, get someone better looking.
(Lance stops and breaks down into tears)
Lance: But...but....(blubbers) I loved him! wahh!
(Fred casually walks over, grabs Lance, and throws him into a throng of *NSYNC fans...)
Lance: AAAhHH!
(The angry, rabid *NSYNC fans who are desperate to get something from an *NSYNCer before they all are dead, rip and tear at Lance. Soon there's nothing left but body parts...and those get picked up too.)
Teeny1: I get his head!
Teeny2: NOOOO,. I do! (They fight, while Bizkit notices J.C. standing over on the other side, humming show tunes.)
Wes: What do you suppose is up with him?
DJ Lethal: Hell if I know.
Fred: LET'S GET HIM!
(they all race over and kill JC. That's that. On to the next fight....)
Korn vs. BSB
Mills Lane: Okay, so you're rock, and you're pop. Let's have a good match...Let's get it on!
(The bsb and korn just stand there.)
Jon: Aren't you losers gonna do anything?
Brian: Yes, yes I am, Brother Jon. I am going to pray.
(Brian gets his bible and goes over to the corner to pray)
David: Haha, he just called you Brother Jon!
(Nick, in the meantime, is looking more and more like a deer in headlights, and Munky picks up on this one.)
Munky: GRRR!
(Nick scurries behind Howie...)
Nick: Howie, I thought you were the only one who made that noise, and you only do it..
Howie: Shut up NICK!
Nick: Howie, I'm scared, hold me!
(They begin to hold each other, as Brian starts to pray, and Korn begins to laugh.)
Head: This should be funny.
(A.J. prances up)
Hey y'all, can't we just settle dis down, and be tight, you know?
Fieldy: No, I don't know....
(and with that, fieldy reaches out and grabs a.j.)
Fieldy: Wow! He's pretty damn light!
(fieldy then shoots a.j. straight up in the air. His head rams into a hanging light, he's electrocuted and he dies.)
Fieldy: Aww, how tragic.
(Jon Davis works his way up to Brian...)
Jon: BRIAN!
(Brian makes the fatal mistake of turning around. Jon takes his mike stand and beats brian to death with it.)
Jon: I feel much better already!
(Munky and Head are slowly advancing towards the two huddling together, Nick and Howie...carefully, oh so carefully, they pull the two apart and ram their heads together, and the two's heads crack open and their brains spill out)
Munky: Nice work.
Head: You too.
(david sneaks up behind Kevin...our beloved Kevy Kev. But this is my damn story, so Kev the turtle can't die.)
(david has a huge ass bat to smack Kevin with, but Kevin thinks quickly, and like the cute lil turtle Kev is, he draws his head in to his shell.)
Kevin: W...h...a...t....t....h...e...h..e...l....l....?/
(kevin, being the smarty that he is, gets his ass in gear and runs like hell out of that arena. So Korn is declared the winner. But it doesn't turn out bad! Kevy gets his own solo career does a million times better than the BSB and *NSYNC would have ever done...combined.)
NOTE: This was my "labor of love." *haha* If you wanna use it, fine. Just credit me, and the site, that's all I ask!