Hometown: The Circus

Height: ???

Weight: ???

Finisher: Stump Puller

First of all, I want to stress who I am writing this about. I am not here to praise Doink The Clown. I am here to praise Doink The Evil Clown. There is a big, big difference. If you watched the WWF in 1993 you saw both, and you know exactly what I am talking about. If you haven’t, well you came here to be educated anyway so you’re about to. First thing to know, he had one of the greatest theme songs ever. The creepy circus music is a classic.

Around the end of summer in 1992 a mysterious clown started showing up during matches on WWF television programs, and about a month or so later we finally learned his name was Doink. That’s right, it took Vince and the WWF creative staff two damn months to come up with Doink.

Quick trivia for everyone: What was Doink’s WWF PPV debut?

If you said WrestleMania 9 when he wrestled Crush, you’re dead wrong. It was actually Survivor Series 1992 when he came out during the Rick Martel/Tatanka match. Watch the tape sometime and answer me this. Who looks more like a clown? Doink in his clown outfit, or Tatanka in his brown/blue outfit with the red streak in his hair? It’s a tough answer. At least Doink was suppose to look like a clown.

Doink managed to keep the fans from going out and buying nachos, the regular routine during a Tatanka match. He gave a bunch of fans balloons and as soon as Tatanka won the match he popped all the balloons while the kids were still holding them. I guess Tatanka winning put Doink in as bad a mood as it put me it.

Doink finally put himself into action though. A few weeks before Royal Rumble 1993, Doink was harassing a few little kids at ringside, giving both him and I a good laugh. To bad Crush couldn’t mind his own business as he roughed Doink up a little. The next week Doink showed up with a cast on his arm and a flower, looking to apologize to Crush. Crush just looked disgusted with the apology though, so Doink did what any of us would have done in that situation. He detached his arm with the cast and beat Crush over the head with it, sending him to the hospital and keeping him out of the Royal Rumble. Crush deserved it though. Evil clowns have feelings too.

He kept up the same routine of just walking around in the aisle during the 1993 Royal Rumble when Bam Bam Bigelow and The Big Bossman were wrestling. He really didn’t do much, but it’s a face Big Bossman match, so he really didn’t have to do anything to make him look stupid. Common belief though is that Doink threw water on the Bossman during the match. Nope. That’s just the Bossman soaking his entire shirt in sweat within about three minutes, same as always. There is a reason he dresses in complete black today. He use to get pit stains just walking to the ring. That however, is another bio.

Doink finally gets into the ring at a WWF pay-per-view, wrestling Crush at WrestleMania 9. This is the first time we get to see the “Double Doink” deal, where another Doink appears and helps the original Doink win. It was a great idea at first, since it was just passed off by the heel announcers as an “illusion” Doink performed. It came back to bite us all in the ass later though, being credited with the disaster at Survivor Series 1993. However, that too, is another bio. [Well, section anyway] Anyway, for the match itself the Double Doink appears and helps the original Doink win the match when the referee was out. The ref probably didn’t even need to be out since he was most likely blinded, same as the rest of the audience by having to look at Crush’s multi-neon colored tights in the sun for about ten minutes. I think that is what caused my television to break around that time.

Next up came King of the Ring 1993, one of my personal favorite PPV events. Shawn Micheals wrestled Crush in a IC title match. During the match though, Doink came out. Or is it two Doinks? Or is it just an illusion? It caused Crush to loss anyway so who cares, it worked! Doink(s?) didn’t even have to do anything. All he did was walk out and look in the ring and it was enough to distract Crush during a title match. That was all it took to outsmart Crush. Doink could have just walked behind Crush at that rate to outsmart him.

Sadly though, we now come to the final chapter of Doink The Evil Clown. It was SummerSlam 1993 and Jerry Lawler was set to wrestle Bret Hart, with the title of “King” of the WWF on the line. Jerry Lawler came out injured, so he appointed Doink to replace him against Bret Hart. Doink came out and started off right, by throwing water all over Bruce Hart. Although I question why he threw the water on Bruce rather than Owen who was sitting right beside Bruce. Honestly, who ever gave a damn about Bruce Hart with the WWF? He was just Bret and Owen’s brother. Owen probably couldn’t have the water thrown on him though, since it would ruin his ultra-ugly leather pants.

Anyway, as for the match Doink ripped Bret to pieces, but ended up in the Sharpshooter by fluke. He was about to break out of it and defeat Bret too, but Jerry jumped the gun and got involved beating Bret to a pulp himself with his crutch. Jerry wasn’t too impressed with Doink though, and a few weeks later insulted him on “The King’s Court” and Doink poured water on the King. Sadly, Doink became a face with that, and turned into that… thing, that is often the punch line of jokes today.

Doink The Evil Clown’s WWF career might be over, but the laughter will never die.